Goddess of the Week: Laetitia

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Claire asks for a goddess of Joy. For her, I have Laetitia, Roman goddess of joy.

Laetitia was a patron of these once-in-a-lifetime games they used to have in Rome. They only occurred once-in-a-lifetime because they only occurred when things in Rome had really gone to hell. Literally. They were meant to appease pissed off underworld gods who, for whatever reason, deemed fit to shower Rome in plagues.

The games themselves were typical Roman excess. You had your Coliseum gladiator dudes. You had your bacchanalias. It was a wild scene -- not one's typical response to gloom and doom. But that's what you gotta love about Laetitia. In the face of disaster, Laetitia says, "There is still joy. There is still life. Embrace it while you can." Or, as that great philosopher Belinda Carlisle says, "Can't stop the world; Why let it stop you?"

None of this is to say that we should live in that happy place I like to frequent called Denial. No. Laetitia says just the opposite. She says that even in the face of heartbreak and fear -- especially in the face of heartbreak and fear -- one must not hide. One must don a short little gladiator skirt and go out like Russell Crowe! Alternatively, one can run drunk through the streets of Rome. Ah. But at least you'll have been to Rome.

Channel this goddess: When blessed with joy, when lacking joy. No need to go all Bacchanalian either. Just broaden your viewfinder. You'll see her.

Need a goddess: I got goddesses! Post a comment and tell me what you need or just want to know about. I'll see what I can do.

Weekend Update

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Love my Girl Scouts! We had a great time camping, and it ended perfectly: With me dreaming of George Clooney and saying to him, "Every problem you have in the world is because you are so good looking." (And he's not even one of my secret boyfriends.)

New goddess on Wednesday!

Scary Weekend

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Three words to strike terror in your hearts: Girl Scout Camping.

Did I mention we will be in tents?

Did I mention there will be neither cable nor wine, but that we will be swimming in hairbrushes?

Pray for me.

P.S: I have another short story up here, and by short, I mean blink your eyes and you'll miss it.

Goddess of the Week: Lakshmi

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Carrie needs a real estate goddess, a goddess who can help her deal with all of the stresses of buying a home. Ok, Carrie. I was torn here. I was tempted to throw you Hestia, the goddess of the hearth, but we just did her. Read here. Instead, I'm recommending Lakshmi, the Indian goddess of wealth and prosperity who also looks out for family well-being.

You know how you can churn cream to get butter? Well, this one time, the gods decided to churn the cosmic ocean to get all the good stuff hidden inside. They used a mountain and a snake to do the churning, and it took them one hundred years, and they did get lots of good stuff, and one of the good things that just popped out of the cosmic ocean was Lakshmi. She was all golden and she had four arms and money just sprouted out of her fingertips, and wherever she went things turned out awesome.

The god Vishnu took one look at her and he was all, "Hey, baby. How you doing?" She married him, but the demons were totally pissed because she was all golden and had four arms and money sprouted out of her fingertips. So they always tried to catch her -- and sometimes they did, and sometimes they do, but no one can hold onto Lakshmi for very long. She's slippery that way. But while she is hard to catch, a few "Hey, babies" work. Lakshmi is actually very willing to hang out with you -- for a while -- if you treat her nice and aren't a jerk, which is why she is one of the most worshipped goddesses in India, where family altars for her are common.

The point being, when buying a home, you need to throw Lakshmi some sugar. Do that, and she will reveal to you the immortal truth churned out of the cosmic ocean alongside her: When investing in real estate, remember: Location, location, location. Plus, check out the neighbors. Good neighbors are priceless.

Good luck.

Need a goddess: I got goddesses! Post a comment detailing your need. I'll see what I can find.

Waiting...waiting

Durn. The children are actually expecting to be amused this spring break. The goddesses must take a holiday.

While you're waiting, please enjoy the following pics from the National Walk for Epilepsy in Washington DC.

Did you know over three million American have epilepsy? Did you know that more Americans have epilepsy than MS and Parkinson's combined? Did you know that over thirty percent of people with seizure disorders continue to experience seizures even when they are on medication? Did you know that you have a one in ten chance of experiencing a seizure sometime during your life?

Did you know that people with epilepsy look just like you? They have dreams just like you. They have families just like you. They could be you.

If you've never seen your child lost in a seizure, count your blessings. If you have, you're in good company. So did the parents of Julius Caesar, Alexander the Great, Leonardo Di Vinci, Napoleon, Theodore Roosevelt, Agatha Christie, Sherman Alexie, Karen Armstrong, and Tony Coelho. I could go on, but the natives are restless. Actually, they're asleep. I'm the one who's restless.

Goddess of the Week: Porcina

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The truth is, this goddess tale is a repeat, but I think you'll like it.

Not much is known about the goddess Porcina, who was worshipped by the mysterious pig-herding Urdian people, and none of what is known about Porcina comes from the Urdians themselves. The Urdians had no written language. But, as fierce, war-loving people, they did have plenty of enemies, including the ancient Babylonians, who ultimately crushed their civilization.

Alas, the Urdians' loss was posterity's gain because the Babylonians kept records. It's because of them that we know anything at all about Porcina, who they described as portly, pasty and strangely hirsute. She is said to have given the Urdians the pig. And she even told them what to do with it. Says an incomplete Babylonian fragment found near an ancient cooking pit: "And so the Urdians took the beast's back, as Porcina demanded, and butchered it from the shoulder to the rear leg. And this meat they did slice into long strips, which they cooked long and at medium-high heat until there was no pink. For the goddess said, 'he who eats of the pink strips will surely die.'"

The ancient Jews were also enemies of the Urdians, and it is speculated that the the Jewish ban on pork is in direct response to the famous battle at Jeridia, where the Urdians catapaulted flaming dead pigs into that beloved walled city, where the Jews had been trapped, starving, for two months. As the book of Leviticus describes it, "The pigs came and they came, and Josiva said, "Why, God, dost though tempt us with the cloven foot that smells so delicious as it burneth down the temple? Has though forgotten us entirely? But no, we will not surrender. For surely our God is a great God, and we will show our foul enemies that we will smote them down. We will not eat of the cloven hoof, no matter how loud it sizzles and doth makes our stomachs moan as we consume, instead, locusts and crickets and all manner of abhorent grub."

Channel this goddess: When anxious to please overnight guests with an Atkins-happy diet, also on Easter (just around the corner!) when eating of the pig is always recommended, also when making Bacon Explosion or whenever you just need a little help whipping up the cloven footed.