Thank you Miss Utah!

Of course, when I am looking for relevant and up-to-the-minute news, I always think of the Miss USA Pageant, which is where this shocking fact was recently revealed: We need more better education now from the men who make jobs so that the women who work for the men can more have money. Because children are the future.

I know! It surprised me too!  Here I was thinking that the recent announcement that women are the primary breadwinners for 40% of American families spoke to striking structural changes in the American economy, and that it rose serious questions about the economic security of families, seeing that women workers still earn about 2/3 of a dollar for every dollar that men earn.

But my bad! I was doing that thing where I go all feminist and drive my teenage daughters crazy with my preachy ways. All I really needed to do was hand the whole mess over to Ms. Utah, who, in turn, says we just need to leave it to the men who make jobs and who have to be making the education better because, you know, yeah. That's what we need to do. But don't let me steal Miss Utah's thunder! You can hear her trailblazing herself into the history books right here.

Ladies, we have come so far, haven't we? In honor of that, I have written a poem:

I am Free!

I am free!
To look like Barbie--but with any color hair I want!
To wear a one piece, a bikini, or even a tankini! Because I have choices!
I can wear flats or high heels, and it doesn't even matter if I am short or tall! I can still wear the shoes I want!
My body is basically plastic so I can cut it/mold it/inject it so that I feel good! It's my right to look the way you think is pretty.
Thank you Susan B. Anthony.
Thank you Emilia Earhart.
You paved the way so that I can-with my more better education--flash my boobs during spring break.
That really shows men how independent I am!
God Bless America!
Because children are the future!


Mister Earl said...

I think the 40% of the households where women are the primary bread winners need to get a man so they can get more money. Thank you.

Cafe Pasadena said...

And who are now the primary child raisers? Cuz children are our future - for better or worse, in sickness or health.

You shoulda been a preacher, MF! You missed your calling.

Lori Elliott Webster said...

I think we all need a more better education, and those job opportunities that men create will fall right into our laps, which are of course covered decorously with our below-the-knee skirts!

Ms M said...

Wickedly funny, Margaret.
Your writing gets more better all the time.

Petrea Burchard said...

I think the woman was so damned nervous that even now, she has no idea what she said.

Giving her the benefit of the doubt, I think she was trying to say the men in power (like those in Congress, for example) are doing a shitty job, and we need more women in Congress. At least that's what I wish she'd said.

Bec said...

Love your poem! Don't these final contestants have a coach or someone preparing them? The feminist & public speaking teacher in me are both incredulous.

altadenahiker said...

You know what? If I were asked a question on socio-economics while wearing a few pieces of sequined satin that squeezed my tits up to my eyebrows, I'd be satisfied if I could eek out a giggle.

altadenahiker said...

And you know what else? I'll bet they intended to ask a question that would elicit a silly answer, with the sole purpose of humiliating the young woman and posting a video clip that would go viral. Free worldwide publicity that cost nothing but her dignity. Or maybe I'm reading too much into this.

Margaret said...

AH: I adore you, but I disagree. She made the choice to stand up. She has gone through many, many pageants. She has done this before and she knows both what is at stake and what is expected of her. No one expects her to sound like a professor, but it is a reasonable expectation that she sound informed and articulate. The fact that she sounded neither and that this has gone viral does not make her a victim of society's cruelty, but it does reflect the mixed messages many of our institutions send.

Deb @ Paper Turtle said...

I was going to just leave a comment and tell you that this post is hilarious, but then I read some of the other comments and I must say that I think it's a shame that in our society TODAY there are still people who really believe the way that Miss Utah does. That in itself is the tragedy, and I find it shocking that someone her age is still stuck in that mindset. It's a shame, and her viral video should be an embarrassment to her, but I suspect she's ok with that as her viewpoint. When you're put on the spot like that I imagine the stuff that comes out is what's really in your gut. Pity.

altadenahiker said...

You could be right. I have no idea what it is a beauty pageant contestant does or is supposed to represent, in fact I didn't even know these contests still existed. So let me go back to painting my walls (Celestial Yellow with a touch of burnt indigo.)

Pasadena Adjacent said...

She's from Utah and most likely Mormon. In her state men do run things - family - temple - celestial good standing etc

Pasadena Adjacent said...

...and Ramona won Miss Joplin Missouri.

My mommy may have never taken us to a museum, opera, library or eatery that included silver wear - but as God is my witness, we never missed a beauty pageant.

Alison said...

Love the poem....and can't say I'm sorry that we stopped pageants in the UK many years ago...I'm not sure they even show Miss World on tv now!
Alison xx

Olga said...

Oh how very sad, but some of us just cannot think on our feet. Maybe it is the pointy shoes that a previous generation fought so hard for our right to wear.

Susan Campisi said...

Oh my, that was a painful clip. I think your paraphrased version made more sense than her flub.