10/14/13

Is Kale the Ann Hathaway of Vegetables

I was excited when I saw an NPR blog post entitled, "Is it time to cool it on Kale?" Finally, I thought! Someone is going to give it to kale, the super nutritious leafy green that now takes three entire shelves in my grocery store. Alas, the post just went on to say that kale is super good for you, but if it's all you eat that's bad for you. To which I say: Is this really a documented problem? Are there people out there who are ONLY eating kale?

I have a message for those people: What is wrong with you? Why are you only eating kale? Are you a poor kale farmer living by your wits? Are you trapped underneath a giant pile of kale and trying to eat your way out? No? Well then eat something else, you big green goof. All things in moderation, and most especially kale.

I can eat kale. You want to saute it up with some olive oil and garlic? Great! I'll take some. You want to throw some into an omelette or quiche? Fine. Hand it over. Hide it in a smoothie? I'm good with that. But don't you tell me that kale belongs in a salad until I am reincarnated as a goat. Raw kale is unpleasant to the teeth and the palate. It takes forever to chew. It's like eating twine. (That's why you'll lose weight if you have a kale-heavy diet. You'll get so bored chewing, you'll stop eating.) I read in the LA Times that the secret to eating uncooked kale is to manhandle it for ten minutes--ten minutes--until it loses its straw-like texture. Then, claimed the writer, it becomes velvety soft and delicious.

One. It doesn't become velvety soft. EVER. Unless you cook it. Two. Don't lie to me! Where are kale's deep pockets? That's what I want to know. When everyone tells you to jump on some bandwagon, it's because someone's throwing money at it. So who is behind this kale conspiracy? Is it Halliburton? Damn you, Karl Rove!


16 comments:

Margaret said...

As for the title. Everyone agrees that Ann Hathaway is so great, but people love to hate her. But not me. I think she's adorable. But if I learn she only eats kale then I will hate her.

sue said...

Everything about kale, cooked or uncooked, is awful. Even my hens won't touch it.

Daisy said...

I've got piles of it in my garden! Mine is tender tho, I use it in summer salads, dropped a handful into my chicken soup pot, stir fried with ginger and other goodies. It can also be rubbed in olive oil and roasted to make kale chips, but I haven't tried that yet! Can't imagine tho, eating ONLY kale.... unless it can be dunked in chocolate.
Daisy's Barbara

Kim Stcharles said...

I have a wonderful kale salad recipe from a spa that does involve some massaging and marinating. Easier, though, is baby kale. Yes, tougher than lettuce, but not at all impossible to eat. Delish with the right dressing and add-ins. I hear you, though; kale is everywhere!

Shanna said...

Jim has tried it in smoothies. It smells terrible to me...and I won't even go in the kitchen afterwards

Ms M said...

LOL -- Well said, well written. I'm so ready for kale's "15 minutes of fame" to be over.

Alison said...

Am 'fees sing up to being a Kale virgin!...maybe I'll keep it that way
Alison xx

Pasadena Adjacent said...

I've had very little interactions with kale. Vic makes an occasional soup using kale with corn. It's good, but I doubt your up to hearing that at the moment.

Olga said...

I think of kale a primarily a decorative plant although I will add it to soups. I have found that there are those with an annoying superiority 'tude about kale--mostly found at the hippie farmers' market in the neighboring town.

Jean Spitzer said...

You sure have a hate-hate relationship with kale. Luckily, there are plenty of other green foods.

Desiree said...

I love how you managed to blame Karl Rove for kale's ubiquity.
You are on to something.
(kale in a smoothie? COOKED kale?)

Tony Van Helsing said...

I like my green leafy veg but can't get on with kale. It is too bitter and tough, I prefer spring greens. Anyway, see you around Margaret as I am signing off, maybe you could send a goddess my way.

TheChieftess said...

Some veggies just don't jump into my grocery cart...

SKLAG said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Petrea Burchard said...

I like Ann Hathaway, too.

Cafe Pasadena said...

I never gave kale that much thought. Just it's tasty, healthy, and I can eat. But, sounds like you take kale more seriously.