4/9/14

Shoes!

Good news! Spring shoes are all the rage. And this year the most popular styles come with important life lessons. (They're just like Hallmark movies!)



1. You deserve to be in pain. You deserve to have your heels lifted high above your toes so that the weight of your adult frame rests on the roughly 4 x 2 inch span of the balls of your feet. You also deserve to have your feet wrapped up in what looks like either straight-jackets or a fishing nets, thus emphasizing that you submit to your insanity, as proven by the fact that you spent close to three hundred dollars on these shoes.

You deserve to be in this discomfort even when wearing shoes that look they are designed for exercise, but are clearly only designed for someone who is very confused about what exercise entails.

You deserve to have your toes squeezed like anchovy paste and to throw your lot in with elves.

Acceptance of these rights may piss you off, in which case, you have the right to put spikes on your pointy-pain shoes and impale unsuspecting pedestrians. 

You can reject these rights, in which case you have to wear these.



14 comments:

Petrea Burchard said...

You also deserve to be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen but you don't deserve to have a vote, or even an opinion.

Unless you wear those last ones, which are adorable.

I love your take on this, Margaret.

Ms M said...

I love your shoe reviews! The first pair reminds me of a rib cage.
I've got my adjustable-strap, cushioned Tevas on. My feet say Thank You.

Star said...

I haven't seen anything to top, or even come close to, the Giuseppe Zanotti shoes that won your 2013 contest (http://margaretfinnegan.blogspot.it/2013/04/ugly-shoe-winner.html)...I work right down the street from one of their stores, and often check their own shop windows, but, at least so far, nothing has even come close to those babies. Still getting chuckles from that contest, thanks. P.S., if you want occasional Giuseppe Zanotti updates fresh from their own displays, I'd be happy to oblige. :-)

Alison said...

This post really resonated with me,Margaret...I have spent this week looking for shoes for a Charity function I'm going to on Saturday and have found the exact problems tou describe..I may end up in flip flops!
Alison xx

Daisy said...

Awesomely awful! My feet - and back - hurt just looking at them. But then, I've always wanted to be a little old lady wearing runners. (I think they are called "sneakers" in the US!)

TheChieftess said...

I don't quite get the obsession about shoes...I watched Sex in the City...and hundreds of dollars for Manolo Blahnik shoes just escapes me!!! I mean...really...
I'm going to spend that much money to torture myself??? I prefer my flip flops and Uggs!!!

Ann Erdman said...

I'll take those blue, leopard-print, Vans-style shoes. They're the only ones I can wear with my arthritic feet! I envy women who can wear all the others!

Olga Hebert said...

I am all about the sensible shoes. There is nothing worse, in my opinion, than feet that hurt.

altadenahiker said...

I like bare feet best.

Katie said...

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Are you kidding me? Ouch. Cute!

TheChieftess said...

I just went shoe shopping at Nordstroms...only about ten percent of the shoes were flats...there were NO "sensible" heels (anything under 3 inches)... Oh...there were a few sandals...but most of the shoes on display were all of these God-awful 4 inch heel spike jobs!!! I laughed out loud thinking about this post ( until I cried!)

Petrea Burchard said...

Chieftess, next time you're in town try Walk This Way in Montrose. It's packed with sensible shoes that won't make you look like a prison matron.

TheChieftess said...

Thanks Petrea!! I've bought sandals there!!! I have size issues though and am restricted on where I can find my size... :(

Pasadena Adjacent said...

faux leopard is sexy. especially in aqua