Finnegan Begin Again

Goddess of the Week: Epona

2012-01-25T10:11:00.000-08:00

Pasadena Adjacent wants a pony, but I can only give her a goddess. I give her the Celtic horse goddess Epona.

Epona is usually depicted as a woman riding a big white horse.

That's all I got. The Celts were a preliterate people. We only know what Irish monks decided to record later on, and they had a vested interest in erasing goddesses (and little g gods) from history.

But I think you can work with that, Pasadena Adjacent, because you are an artist and and a very creative person. Also, you are a person with a social justice streak, and I think you can reclaim Epona and invent a whole backstory for her.

In honor of all things Irish, I say start with a limerick. I'll start it for you.

There once was a goddess Epona.

Who rode on a pony named Jonah.

She turned into a mare, and said "What have you there?"

And that's__________________________.

Ok, PA, you finish it. But everyone else can add suggestions too. I'd hate to put too much pressure on just you.

Channel this goddess: When you want a horse, when horseback riding, when listening to "Rhiannon" by Stevie Nicks. Rumor has it Epona was transmogrified into the tragic Welsh heroine Rhiannon. Finally that song makes sense!

Need a goddess? I got goddesses, and normally I know much more about them. (Blast those Monks! Although, apparently, they also saved western civilization, so I guess we have to cut them some slack.) Anyway, to get your goddess, post a comment saying what you want one for. Then check back in a week or two and see what you got. It's fun! It's free! It's a way better gift than a toaster.

PS: Pasadena Adjacent asked me to add the photo. It is her deceased Nia, as is only fitting as Epona had a white horse too.

"What have you done for color today?"

2012-01-23T16:20:00.000-08:00

"What have you done for color today?" Henri Matisse once asked Rosamond Bernier, author of the new memoir Some of My Lives.

Here's what I did:

It's not Matisse, but it's straight from the rain-kissed garden.

So what have you done for color today? Discuss!

(PS: I am loving Some of My Lives. It is a very engaging look at a remarkable woman who hobnobbed with everyone from Matisse to Leonard Bernstein. Plus she had a boozer monkey! There's a great interview with nine-five year old Bernier on NPR. You can find it here.)

Goddess of the Week: Nike

2012-01-18T10:32:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

Heather needs a goddess of self confidence. She needs the Greek goddess Nike.

Even Zeus needed Nike. Once, Zeus and the Olympians had to battle the Titans. The Titans released this crazy-scary monster named Typhon right on Mount Olympus. The gods freaked out! Almost all of them fled Mount Olympus in a panic and embarrassed themselves by showing up in Athens with really bad hair and slippers.

Only Zeus and Nike stayed to defend Mount Olympus and the power of the gods. Zeus, of course, had his whole lightening bolt thing, but Typhon had been locked inside a mountain for, like, forever, and was really pissed. And, as we all know, a pissed monster, is a psycho-dangerous monster. It was bad. One look from Typhon and Zeus's lightening bolts turned into My Little Pony plushies. One terrifying roar from Typhon and Zeus fell backwards onto the ground.

Abandoned by his brothers and sisters, surrounded by strange pink and purple stuffed horses, Zeus lost confidence in himself and began to lose hope. But Nike would not let him. With the ferocity of a drill sargeant and the energy of a girl who believes enthusiasm alone can make one a pom pon girl, Nike cheered on Zeus. "You are awesome!" She yelled. "You are fricking Zeus-king-of-fricking-Mount-Olympus," she yelled. She yelled so loudly that, finally, all Zeus could hear was Nike, and once that happened--once he'd drowned out Typhon and (in the words of Anne Lamott) the KFKD radio of his own mind--he was gold. He destroyed Typhon, the gods came back, and no one ever again doubted that Zeus was where he belonged.

Nike reminds us that self confidence comes from within. Turn off KFKD; listen to National Nike Radio instead.

Channel this goddess: when you've lost confidence in yourself, when obstacles seem insurmountable, when resisting the strange allure of My Little Pony.

Need a goddess: Post a comment explaining what you want one for and then check back in a week or two to see what I found. It's fun! It's free! It's better than a poke in the eye!

Disturbing Development

2012-01-16T12:06:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

I was shaking water off of lettuce yesterday when the skin on the bottom of my arm began to flap. I know it was flapping because it made a flapping sound!

Am committing self to regular regimen of lifting weights. Am worried. I have past, if fleeting, experience with such regimens.

Get Your Joy On

2012-01-12T07:08:00.000-08:00

Image by Rakka via Flickr

Taking a page out of Lisa Napoli's Radio Shangri-La, for the last few months I've spent the end of each day thinking of three moments since that morning when I felt happy or content. The results surprised me. In no particular order, here are the things that always gave me joy:

1. Working with my students. Hands down happy. I should pay them.
2. Quiet time in my backyard. Whether digging in the dirt or just watching butterflies with my dog it is always rejuvenating.
3. Finishing things. Clearing that in box feels good.
4. Writing something that makes me laugh. It's the cubicle goose all over again. My owning my life means doing something that will undoubtedly never make me money, but will always make me giggle.
5. Hanging with my hubby. He's a keeper so psych on you!
6. Walking with a friend, especially one who makes me laugh. Priceless.

What gets your joy on these days? Do tell.

Goddess of the Week: Inanna

2012-01-10T14:33:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

Kristen needs a goddess for career stress and drama. Don't we all! My old, old, old boss used to step out of his office, make sure everyone was looking at him, literally tear our copy in half and fling it to the ground. Talk about your drama dudes. He was insane!

Don't worry Kristen, I have just the trick: Inanna, the Babylonian goddess of love, fertility and war. She was the boss of heaven, and she couldn't even take a vacation without people trying to muscle in on her territory. Once she went to visit her sister Ereshkigal in hell. You think the TSA is a pain? At each gate of hell she had to relinquish one item of clothing. Finally, when she ran out of clothing, she had to relinquish her personality, her authority, even her soul! Buck naked and a mere shell of a body (which is exactly how flying coach can make anyone feel), she finally got to hell and her sister killed her.

Drama, blah, blah, blah. She finally worked it out and went home to discover that her own husband--Dumuzi--has moved right into her office. He wasn't even mourning her death! He was laughing over how he'd used the pension fund to buy himself a new corporate jet. This during a recession when he'd totally cut healthcare benefits!

Inanna took one look at him and she was all, "You are out of here, dude!" She totally canned his ass and made him take her place in hell. The bastard!

Good news though, Inanna was able to reclaim her position. She sold the stupid jet. Re-funded the pension and became an active advocate for a single-payer health care system.

Inanna reminds us that work (and vacations) can be hell. When that happens, all you can do is hold on to the things that make you you. Don't relinquish yourself. Not for anyone! Not for the TSA. Definitely not for coach! And absolutely not for difficult co-workers and unpleasant bosses. You belong to you. Become a guerrilla agent for yourself. When I had the crazy boss, I installed a large plastic goose in my cubicle. Tragically, that was my daring attempt to stick it to the man. It wasn't much, but everyone thought that goose was pretty strange, and that made me feel rebellious. You can't own me corporate America! Not then! Not now! Not ever! (Of course, that might mean more if corporate America actually wanted to own me. Damn you corporate America! Why don't you want me?)

Channel Inanna: When dealing with job stress and drama, when co-workers are horning in on your position, when work just isn't what you want it to be.

Need a goddess? I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining what you want a goddess for. Then check back in a week or two to see what you got. It's fun! It's free! It's what all the cool people are doing. Are you cool?

Goddess of the Week: Hestia

2012-01-04T07:16:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

This goddess is for all of us. It may be a new year, but, if you are like me, the distractions that keep you feeling scattered and piecemeal are old, old, old. We need a goddess of focus. We need Hestia, the Greek goddess of the hearth.

Thank you Sue Bender, author of Plain and Simple: A Woman's Journey to the Amish, for explaining that the word Hestia means focus. Hestia spent her time focusing on the hearth fire that burned eternally on Mount Olympus. That's what you did with hearth fires: you kept them burning, if only just a few embers, because fires were a pain to start, and it was easier to keep what you had going than to begin from scratch.

I feel like I get more ADD every year. Every bauble turns my head. Every task takes forever to finish. I walk into rooms and I don't even know why I'm there. It may be the curse of middle age, but I'm pretty sure that it has more to do with the fact that I so seldom think about what I'm doing. I think about what I need to do or what I would rather do, but hardly ever about what I actually do.

Hestia reminds us that to keep the hearth alight you have to let go of distractions and simply focus. Slow down. Accept that sometimes you can do less, not more, and in this new year, accept yourself for the spark of light that you are.

Channel this goddess: when you are weighed down by distractions, when you feel pulled in a million directions. Slow down: focus and shine.

Need a goddess? I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining what you want a goddess for and then check back in a few weeks to see what you got. It's fun! It's free! It's the perfect way to commit to a New Year's resolution.

What I Got for Christmas

2011-12-28T08:48:00.000-08:00

What I got from Santa:

What I got from my husband, who is a very good sport, with or without a Man Cold:

Loaded with this:

Plus this:

The moral of this story: A good husband is better than a hundred jolly old elves.

God bless us everyone!

Dear Margaret

2011-12-24T08:15:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

Please forgive this automated response to your message. I am out delivering toys to good little boys and girls all over the world. I will return to the office in January after a long winter's nap in Hawaii.

Merry Christmas,

Santa Claus

Dear Santa

2011-12-23T07:12:00.000-08:00

Image by dryfish via Flickr

It has recently come to my attention that some naughty little elf has been hacking into my blogger account, pretending to be me and sending mean emails to you.

My goodness! I am so outraged and upset. I only wish I had known what was going on. Unfortunately, I was so busy grading papers, making holiday cookies for neighbors, nursing my poor, sick husband (he had a MAN COLD!!!) and praying with my ever-delightful children that I neglected my blog. And now my sweet blog been used for evil! I am really beside myself!

Can you ever forgive me for allowing such a thing to happen? I still remember that New Born Baby Tender Love you gave me in 1973. Those were good times, and now this horrible, horrible LIAR has ruined them. I am actually crying now. CRYING!

If you do forgive me, can you do one thing for me? Can you please blanket the world in peace and love. After all, that's what Christmas is all about.

Thank you for all you do and have done.

Much, much, much, much, much love,

Margaret

PS: You are looking so svelte in your latest picture. Have you lost weight?

Dear Margaret

2011-12-22T07:05:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

I read yesterday's comments. You think I'm angry? You think I need Xanax? That's what I get for hundreds of years of selfless giving?

No presents for you!

Well, maybe one, a little one. Like this.

Why you deserve anything is beyond me. Damn my jolly good nature.

Santa

Dear Santa

2011-12-21T06:49:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

This?

Margaret

(PS: I would remind you: I did have the teenagers to contend with during the man cold crisis.)

Dear Margaret

2011-12-20T06:58:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

He was SERIOUSLY ill with a fever off 99.6. It was really more of man flu.

Santa

(NOTE: Margaret has entered into a lively email exchange with Santa. To start at the beginning, scroll down.)

Dear Santa

2011-12-19T07:06:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

How about this?

Margaret

(NOTE: Margaret has entered into a lively email conversation with Santa, to start at the beginning scroll down.)

Dear Margaret

2011-12-18T07:31:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

It was a man cold. Have you ever had a man cold? Of course not. You're not a man. Childbirth? HA! That's nothing. Downgrade your list because I'll be checking it twice.

Santa

Dear Santa

2011-12-17T11:21:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

I did get him soup.

(NOTE: Margaret has entered into a lively email conversation with Santa. To start at the beginning, scroll down.)

Dear Margaret

2011-12-16T06:35:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

A little elf told me you were not showing due respect to your husband's man cold. I advise you to downgrade your holiday expectations.

Sincerely,

Santa Claus

(NOTE: Margaret has entered into a lively email conversation with Santa. To start at the beginning scroll down.)

Dear Santa

2011-12-15T06:58:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

Puhleeze. Fashion-starved elves? That's your big Occupy drama? My teenagers invented the Occupy movement. They Occupy my living room, they Occupy my refrigerator, they Occupy my computer. That whole human microphone thing? They've been doing that for years.

"She's copying me."

"She's copying me."

"Stop it."

"Stop it."

"I hate you."

"I hate you."

It's really annoying.

As for your gift idea. I sort of think it would be wasted on me. I'm not really an APP kind of girl. All I want is to read digital books. I know that sounds sacrilegious, as I know how much you appreciated the fine holiday sales spirit of St. Steve Jobs. Likewise, I appreciate that you are a wee ticked off about Amazon trying to undercut your prices, but I think I would be better off with this.

Dear Margaret

2011-12-14T06:36:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

Ho, Ho, HA! You think you've got problems? Try dealing with the occupy movement. I can't walk outside my workshop without tripping over an elf carrying a sign reading, "We are the 99% (of elves forced to wear candy cane tights and felt hats). I know. Their signs are ridiculously long. But at least they don't swear like the reindeer!

Anyway, if you want that, why not just ask for this? It can do so much more. (Besides, you know how naughty Amazon has been.)

Trying to stay jolly,

Santa

Dear Santa

2011-12-13T14:57:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

Dear Santa:

How are you? I am fine. I know this is a busy time for you, but we need to talk about the children. Ok, let's call a spade a spade: the teenagers. I know they are on your naughty list. Heck, they are on my naughty list! The bickering, the moaning, the whining...and that's just when they learn what's for dinner. I'm telling you, the Cold War never ended; it just moved into my living room. Germany had the Berlin Wall; We have a blue curtain running smack down the middle of the their room. Yesterday, my fourteen-year-old banged her shoe against the kitchen table and demanded that her broccoli be shared with the collective.

I understand that it would be wrong to reward such deviancy, but, Santa, who really pays the cost when you hand out lumps of coal? The teenagers? Of course not. I pay. Me. Have you tried cleaning up coal? You might as well try to count snowflakes before they melt in your warm hand. And what about the tears running down the coal-receiving urchins' faces? Have you actually mixed tears and coal? Have you? I don't think you have. It's a fricking mess! No amount of naughty is worth that.

I'm gonna be honest with you, Santa. You're a little like a bad date. You're lots of fun as long as you get what you want, but scratch the surface and you're kind of a judgmental prick. (You ordered a second glass of wine? No dessert for you!)

Look: You made this whole consumerist frenzy, what with your little mall visits and your TV specials and your cute little reindeer songs. You did this, and so, I'm sorry, you've got to deliver.

Do the teens deserve it?

No.

Will the teens be grateful?

Of course not.

The point shouldn't be whether or not the teens are naughty. The point should be if the mothers have been naughty. Bad mothers? Sure. Maybe they deserve a wall scrawled with coal. But you and I both know that I have been good. (Must I remind you of the Girl Scout outing to see The Three Muskateers?)

Am I saying you MUST give my children gifts? No. Am I saying you probably should give ME a gift? Yes. That being said, here is what I want.

Hugs and kisses,

Margaret

Goddess of the Week: Pele

2011-12-08T15:18:00.001-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

Jenny is feeling overworked and under-inspired. She needs a goddess of passion. She needs the Hawaiian volcano goddess Pele.

According to Hawaiians, all volcanic activity is caused by Pele. She had a bunch of sisters and numerous husbands, many of which she "accidentally" burned. The fact of the matter is, she was a bit fickle when it came to men. She would hang around all sleepy and quiet for years and years and years, and then she would find the man of her dreams and WAKE UP. Inspiration would flow through her, and it was all she could do not to create little island after little island. Unfortunately, the men she loved weren't always that into her because she was pretty high maintenance. If she got tired of you: POOF! You were literally lava-lamped. If you got tired of her: Poof! You were also lava-lamped. Plus, she had these low maintenance hula girl sisters who were always stealing her thunder. Which of course meant: Poof! Lamp-lamped!

Still, what you've gotta love about Pele is that she totally understood how passion flowers best after periods of dormancy. She wasn't out there 24/7 making islands. No. She would create, then she'd rest, then she'd create. She understood that, in fact, creativity requires dormancy. It demands that one lay fallow now and then so that one's very spark can be lighted anew. Personally, I would prefer a little bit more control over that spark. Would that one could turn it on and off like a lightbulb. Alas, no such luck, at least in my case. But take comfort, Jenny, inspiration in such a gifted soul as yours will return. Just turn out the light. Sleep. Rest. When you're body is ready, your spark will be too.

A little thanks a little late

2011-11-30T10:07:00.001-08:00

Giving thanks to the guerilla artists who brighten the days of strangers. Speaking of which, I saw this in the park today when I was walking Scout.

For more such good deeds see what cute Deb at Paper Turtle has been up too.

(PS: It's the last week of the quarter so I'm crazy busy reading papers. We'll have a new goddess next week.)

The Scout Report: How the Holiday Season is Shaping Up

2011-11-28T12:57:00.001-08:00

Although retailers report a record-breaking Black Friday, hopes for a strong holiday season remain uncertain. The continued aging of the youth market continues to result in more num-nums making if from the plate to the mouth and, hence, spillage and its resultant "bonus treats" remain at an all time low. There is, however, encouraging evidence that the aging "gray market" will help reverse that trend. Ever-thicker eye glass lenses and a sometimes sloppy attention to lipstick seem to support what may be a very exciting development.

However, investors looking to make green out of gray should think carefully, as is demonstrated by the disappointing market performance of "the queen." While increasingly reliable to spill a meatball down her shirt, said meatball is also increasingly likely to land on her protruding belly, which seems to be seconding as a table. Is there a market opportunity there? Not if you're eighteen inches high.

Thanksgiving was, frankly, DISAPPOINTING, with only nominal spillage from all attendants, including "grandma," who, quite literally, hoarded gravy that would have made a delicious kibble topping.

Will Christmas be better? You'd be better off burying your bone.

Goddess of the Week: Seshat

2011-11-16T12:53:00.001-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

Nan, an English teacher, requests a goddess of semi colons.

Oh, Nan, I feel your pain. Were that I had a dollar for every misplaced semi colon that I read. Personally, I blame grammar check, which seems to want to sprinkle semi colons in the most inappropriate places. But that's different conversation. We are looking for goddesses; and I think I found you one.

To Nan, I give Seshat. Seshat was an Egyptian goddess. She invented writing, so I think we have to lay all responsibility for punctuation on her doorstep. I certainly know that if it were up to me I would have nipped semi colons right in the bud. They really have no use. You can just as easily get by with a period or a comma/conjunction combo. But goddesses have their ways, and--being that they all tend to be drama queens--they usually lean toward excess, hence semi colons and beehive hairdos.

Seshat was called "Mistress of the House of Books," which sounds like the title of an Isabel Allende novel. I would totally read it. It would be about this librarian and all the townspeople who hate her because she owns all the book. Wait. I think that's The Music Man.

Channel this goddess: When grading papers, when writing papers, when wondering if you should use that exclamation point. (You should.)

Need a goddess: I got goddesses! Post a comment or email me and explain what you need or want a goddess for; check back in a week or two and see what you got.

Goddess of the Week: Artemis

2011-11-07T11:02:00.000-08:00

Image via WikipediaAndrea needs a job-hunting goddess. She needs Artemis, the Greek goddess of the hunt.

Artemis was a single gal who spent her days hunting in the woods. She was an unstoppable archer, which is pretty impressive when you consider that she brought 50 hounds and 50 nymphs with her wherever she went. You'd think that would create enough ruckus to scare away just about anything, but maybe deer were stupid back then.

The point is, Artemis knew how to catch her prey, and that's exactly what you need to do, Andrea, catch your prey: the elusive job. And in this case, 50 hounds and 50 nymphs will really serve you well. The 50 hounds will help you sniff out the right job (plus, then you can cuddle with them when you watch TV, and that will help you feel good. Especially if they are puppies! PUPPIES!!!) The nymphs are your network. You know that the best way to get a job is through networking, right? Craig's List. Monster.com. Those are for the birds. You need to connect with all the people you know, and you need to connect with all the people they know. Join things: alumni associations, church groups, civic organizations, and show people in those groups that you are awesome by volunteering to do things and then actually doing them. Of course, ideally, you're going to do all of those things before you even need to start looking for a job so that your nymph network is in your corner from day one. But most nymphs are very forgiving. They're going to be ready to help you even if you haven't manned a single bake sale. Why? Because they're your nymphs! They love you! They want you to succeed! So let them help you.

In the meantime, remember that, while it may feel like it, this isn't all about you. Lots of good, smart people are looking for work. These are hard times. Dare I say it: you might, perhaps, be the 99%. Maybe you need to occupy something.

True Notebooks

2011-11-04T14:04:00.000-07:00

I have a love/hate relationship with books by writers about writing. Some books I like. Bird by Bird comes to mind. I also liked the Steven King book, even though I can't remember what it's called.

Usually, however, I hate these kinds of books. I'm sorry if this sounds snobby, but I sort of think they are for posers. It's not that I don't think you can learn to write--I teach writing for a living--but such books often cover familiar terrain and maybe one or two books will do you. If you want to write: WRITE!

I'm also always suspicious that such books are sentimental memoirs in disguise. I don't like life lesson stories. I'm still mad about the movies "Mr. Holland's Opus" and "Dead Poets Society," and I saw those decades ago. Mostly, I don't trust such tales. If you want to make me laugh, make me laugh. If you want to make me cry, make me cry. But don't tell me that hardship is a blessing that will be rewarded in the end. Hardship can be a blessing, but it's seldom rewarded. That an entire industry wants us help us believe otherwise shows just how complicit in our own oppression we want to be.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I fell in love with True Notebooks: A Writer's Year at Juvenile Hall by Mark Salzman. The title has life lesson all over it! But it's not life lessony, and it's certainly not sentimental. It recounts Salzman's year teaching a writing class to juvenile delinquents in LA. The beauty of the book is that it's not really about Salzman. We never learn how he grew from this experience. We don't get to sympathize with how his eyes were opened to injustice. Instead, we hear from the boys he taught. We hear them in conversation with each other and Salzman, and, best of all, we get to read their own short pieces of writing. The boys aren't dirty little angels. (They've done awful things. Most were accused of murder, although we don't really hear about that either.) But they are boys, and when you read their writing and begin to get glimpses into their lives you mostly just feel a poignant sadness about how their lives got so out of whack. (You know what they seem to want most of all? Their moms, and most of their moms don't seem to have been so great to begin with.)

This is a beautiful book that sneaks up on you and hijacks your soul. I loved it.

Goddess of the week: Bast

2011-10-26T13:04:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaLindsay would like a goddess for stress relief and general well being. I'm giving her the Egyptian moon goddess Bast.

Bast had the head of a cat the body of a woman. She used to have the head of a lion, but she got downsized. What she lost in strength and status, however, she made up for in the ability to dominate furniture and have mortals meet her every whim.

She had this annual festival that attracted over 700,000 people a year. It was very "Bridesmaids," and I know how much you like that movie. Women would eat, dance, sing and generally participate in what Wikipedia calls "feasts of drunkenness." It was epic (which is the new awesome, by the way).

Bast would bless revelers with coupons for free massages and weekend crafting/writing retreats, but--and this is important--she never gave coupons to overachievers who were all anal about laundry and/or work. As with most goddesses, she realized that general well being came from an internal spark, or drive, to sometimes sacrifice the annoying little responsibilities that join together to wrap around us and choke us like cobras. Break the cords of perfectionism and do-everythingism that weigh you down, Lindsay! Get your girlfriends and revel. Revel that cobra right into the ground. And when you are done, get that massage, dammit. And tell your kids to put their damn breakfast dishes in the damn dishwasher. You're not their servant!

Bast reminds us to give into pleasure and fun, and to remember that you can't wait around for fun to find you. You have to make it yourself.

Channel this goddess: when you need a break, when you need to relax and have fun. When you need to laugh.

Need a goddess: I got goddesses: Post a comment explaining your need or want. Then check back in a few weeks and see what you got.

True Story: Balls and Cookies

2011-10-24T11:50:00.000-07:00

Image by ifindkarma via FlickrI took my daughters to church yesterday. After the service, my older girl went to volunteer with the preschoolers, which she does once a month. To kill time, my younger girl and I walked over to this very excellent bakery. We bought some cookies, enough to share with some friends also killing time at church, and we went back to wait for Older Girl.

We were eating cookies and talking when another friend started to walk by. I said, "Hey, Jim, wanna cookie?"

Jim didn't hear me. But some other guy I've never seen in my life did hear me. Instantly, he was at my side staring in my bakery box. "Yes," he said. "I'd love one." His fingers danced over the cookies. "Hmmm...which one...I'll have this." He pulled out this gorgeous, enormous mocha cookie, took a bite, and walked away. "Thank you very much."

I stood there, mouth open, speechless (which was, perhaps, a first). Finally, I managed, "I've never seen that guy in my life. He took my mocha cookie."

Curious conversation ensued, but no one else seemed quite as flabbergasted as I was. I even said, "I'm flabbergasted."

Younger Girl, embarrassed AT ME, because, obviously, I am the one who should be embarrassed, said, "That's not even a word."

Goddess of the Week: Antevorta

2011-10-19T10:18:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaStar needs a goddess for "focusing on what lies ahead, rather than behind." She needs the Roman goddess Antevorta.

Antevorta was the goddess of the future, and her sister, Postvorta, was the goddess of the past. Their big job was to help women in childbirth. If the baby was coming head first, you called Antevorta; if it was coming feet first you called Postvorta.

You would think Antevorta and Postvorta would see themselves as being on the same team. After all, the past and the future are directly related. But they were sisters and goddesses, which meant drama, drama, drama.

Antevorta was always saying she'd do things "tomorrow," but then, with her, there was always another tomorrow so she never did anything, which made Postvorta totally mad because she always ended up having to clean up after Antevorta. And, of course, Postvorta could never let anything go because she was always living in the past. It was a bad scene. Their poor mother, Carmenta. She was the goddess of prophesy, so not only did she have to endure their endless bickering, but she had to constantly foresee it!

Carmenta tried sending them to different boarding schools--which she finally understood the purpose of by the way--even though she totally knew it wouldn't work out. Antevorta got kicked out for never turning in her homework, and Postvorta got kicked for always trying to turn in the same term paper. But at least Carmenta had a semester of peace.

Finally, when they were like in their forties, the sisters worked it out. They realized their lives only had meaning in relationship to their joint ability to torment their mother. Plus, people seemed to want their help with the whole baby thing, and since most babies were born head first, Postvorta felt secretly vindicated because Antevorta always had way more work to do, which was cool with Antevorta because she never remembered helping all those other women anyway.

Antevorta reminds us that the future is a like a strong wind. You need to lean into it headfirst. Do that, and your feet (like the past) will follow.

Channel this goddess: when the past is holding you back. Remember, you don't have to let go of the past--who can do that, anyway? You just can't let it dominate you. You need to lean into the wind and walk forward.

Need a goddess? I got goddesses! Post a comment telling me what you need or want a goddess for. I'm swamped with work, but I promise I'll get you one as soon as I can (probably a week or three).

Goddess of the Week: Venus

2011-10-03T11:11:00.000-07:00

...Daisy...needs a "heartwarming" goddess, which I take to mean a goddess who'll provide comfort during hard times.

This was a tough one. As I so often say, goddesses tend to be pretty kick ass. It's not that they don't feel empathy. Most have been through tough times, themselves; it's that they don't have time for wallowers. And, personally, when I am needing comfort, I tend to be wallowing in self pity, and that just doesn't sell with goddesses. Goddesses will help you, but they need to see the fight in you.

And if you've got some fight, a go-to goddess is Venus, the Roman goddess of Love. She had this son, Aeneus. Long story short, he was a Trojan who escaped the final days of the Trojan War and made his way to Italy, where his descendants founded the Roman Empire. People tend to focus on Venus's romantic exploits, but she was a good mom to Aeneus. She was really committed to him, and she helped him out whenever things got bad, and they did often. His wife died; his other wife killed herself because he left her to found an empire and then both wives sort of haunted him. It was a bad scene. But Aeneus never gave up, which is one reason Venus worked so hard on his behalf. In fact, when Aeneus died, Venus washed his body in the river of immortality, fed him ambrosia (not easy cuz he was dead), and convinced Jupiter to make Aeneus a god. She loved her son, and she loved his empire. She became known as Venus Genetrix, Venus the mother, and she looked down upon and cared for the Roman people in time of need.

But you don't need to be Roman to call on her. You just need to have a little fight left, and...Daisy...of course you have fight left! You are a daughter of Venus! Of all people, she will definitely comfort and help you.

Channel this goddess: When you are tempted to wallow! No wallowing allowed. Stand up! Put on your boxing gloves and get out there! You can do it! You can have it! You can be it! Now go!

Need a godddess? I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining what you need or want a goddess for. Then check back in a few weeks to see what you got. Easy Peasy!

Goddess of the Week: Isis

2011-09-26T13:01:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaElizabeth needs a goddess to help unify her family because--this is so exciting--she and her husband are adopting a baby! I think she needs the Egyptian mother goddess Isis.

Isis was all about the family unit. She was married to her brother Osiris, a nature god who had big plans for Egypt. Where other gods saw desert and a big river that flooded every year, Osiris saw the heart of civilization. He got the whole empire thing rolling, but you can't build an empire alone, so he really relied on Isis. They divided up the work. Osiris taught folks to make wine; Isis taught them to grind grain. Osiris taught them to make towns, temples, and laws; Isis taught them to practice medicine and get pre-nups. It was a great partnership until the evil god Seth Killed Osiris.

Poor Isis traveled near and far only to find Osiris's dead body stuck in a tree. Finally she got it back, but then Seth chopped Osiris into 13 pieces! She found everything but his penis and brought him to life again. Unfortunately, I guess because he had no penis, he had to go be Lord of the Underworld, but first they were able to conceive a son, Horus.

Parenting is difficult under the best of circumstances, but it is a real pain when you can only see your partner in hell, and then, only every other weekend because, you know, travel is expensive, even for gods. Still, Isis and Osiris persevered, and Horus grew up to be an awesome god with the head of a falcon.

Understanding the importance of having shared interests, Isis worked hard to instill in Horus a deep and abiding desire to kill the evil god Seth. Horus and Seth fought for seventy years! Finally, they decided to settle things by seeing who could win a stone-boat race. Sneaky Horus made his boat out of wood and painted it to resemble stone. Seth abided by the rules and drowned when his boat sunk, which sort of makes you wonder why it took Horus seventy years to beat a god who thought he could sail in a stone boat.

Isis reminds us that unity in a family comes from sharing burdens and working together, and that starts way before any babies enter the picture, which is just another way of saying that while there are a million ways to make a family work, you can't float a rock.

Channel this goddess: when starting a family, when trying to unify a family, when working on a long-distance relationship, when buying a boat.

Need a goddess: I got goddesses! Post a comment explain what you need or want a goddess for. Then check back in a week or two and see what you got.

Summer reading...better late than never

2011-09-20T14:45:00.000-07:00

Cover via AmazonIt was, you may recall, a discouraging summer when it came to my summer reading. Every book I picked up irked me or bored me, but I finally found two that you might like, both, a bit surprisingly, nonfiction.

Traveling with Pomegranates by Sue Monk Kidd and Ann Kidd Taylor. This is a great travel memoir by the author of The Secret Life of Bees and her daughter. Kidd and Taylor reflect on their changing relationship and their struggles to figure out what they want to do with their lives as they travel through Greece, France and Turkey. My blog friend Bec sent me the book because a lot of reflection is inspired by the images and tales of the divine feminine (included goddesses) that they discover on their journey. Especially if you have a daughter, I think you might like this book. In fact, I was going to do a "Pass the Book" with it, but then I decided Carrie over at Rosalind's Revival needed it. So I'm sending it her way.

Cleopatra by Stacy Schiff. Wow! Talk about your epic life! This biography is a fun and fascinating glimpse into not just an amazing life, but an amazing world. There's sex, violence, intrigue, murder, mayhem and jewels. So it's sort of like the CW only not lame. (I tried to upload a picture but my computer was being difficult. Sorry.)

Now I am reading In Cold Blood by Truman Capote, which also has murder, violence and mayhem. But no jewels. And that's a definite minus.

Thoughts?

Goddess of the Week: Hestia

2011-09-16T09:13:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaKate needs a housewarming goddess. She needs Hestia, the Greek goddess of the hearth, who is the patroness of all things homey.

Hestia lived on Mount Olympus with her brother Zeus and their other siblings. But while her brothers and sisters were always gallivanting around Greece causing trouble, Hestia stayed home and tended the fire. It may sound boring, but, remember, the old saying, "May you live in interesting times," is actually supposed to be a curse. There are worse things than stability and predictability.

Besides, Hestia was into tending her fire. She knew it was an important job. Even the gods didn't have matches back then. Once you started your family fire you had to keep it going round the clock. So that's what Hestia did.

Every home fire in Greece was an altar to Hestia. The first bite of every meal was offered to Hestia. In return, Hestia offered light, warmth, and char-broiled goodness. And isn't that what we all want to come home to?

So, here's to your new home, Kate! May it grant you light and warmth, and, with Hestia's blessing, may you and the ones you love always keep the home fires burning.

Channel this goddess: When settling into a new home or making s'mores. Hestia was also the patroness of bakers so toss her a spoonful of sugar the next time you make cookies.

Need a goddess: I got goddesses! Post a comment saying what you need or want a goddess for. Then check back in a week or two and see what you got.

PS: Deb and Wendy, a little Hestia might be good for you right now, too.

Goddess of the Week: Tonantzin

2011-09-09T17:00:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaClaire is on a walking pilgrimage from Sevilla to Santiago, Spain. It is a spiritual journey. It will take her until the end of October, and she wants a goddess to go along for the ride. I only hope she doesn't get this too late because she's already left! I'm giving her the Aztec goddess Tonantzin.

Many Mexican goddesses occasionally went by the name Tonantzin, which means "revered mother," but generally speaking Tonantzin represents the concept of mother earth, and who better to help you on a camino than Mother Earth, whose dust will kiss the tops of your hopefully very good-quality walking shoes. Tonantzin was also the patroness to midwives and healers, and your feet are going to be sore, Claire, so we want some good balming going on, actually, massaging would be even better, but that might be out of Tonantzin's realm of expertise.

When the Spanish colonized what is now Mexico they colonized its ancient religions as well. Tonantzin became Mother Mary, the Virgin of Guadalupe. In fact, the shrine to the Virgin of Guadalupe is built directly on the former pyramid temple of Tonantzin. Many rituals and traditions associated with the Virgin of Guadalupe have their roots in worship of the Aztec goddess.

Tonantzin reminds us that you can give a goddess a makeover and you can change her wardrobe, but faith can't be mandated. Plus, the divine feminine always finds a way.

Channel this goddess: When your spiritual journey is literally a journey, when people try and dictate what you should believe, when you are seeking the divine in others as well as yourself. Beware the Image Makers; your faith belongs to you.

Need a goddess? I got goddesses! Post a comment saying what you need or want a goddess for. Then check back in a week or two and see what you got! I'm waiting....

Goddess of the Week: Athena

2011-09-02T12:57:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaRois says she needs a goddess who will help her not give up on her blog. She needs a goddess who values perseverance. She needs the Greek goddess of war and wisdom, Athena.

Omnipotence has its advantages. Solving problems quickly and efficiently is one of them. As a consequence, most goddesses don't really embody perseverance, but they do value perseverance and they definitely reward people who don't give up. Take, for example, Odysseus.

Odysseus was the wily Ithican prince who fought with the Greeks in the battle of Troy. Athena backed Odysseus because he was a brains over brawn sort of soldier, and she was, after all, a brains over brains kind of goddess. But the end of the war was just the beginning of Athena's aid to Odysseus.

Talk about perseverance! It took poor Odysseus twenty years to get home. He kept running into Cyclops and sirens and enchantresses and horrible storms. (He'd pissed of Poseidon, but that's another story.) This one gal even turned all his men into pigs! You ever try steering a ship with a crew of literal pigs? Not easy! But Odysseus never gave up. He never got discouraged. Every day he battled monsters, bad weather, and his own personal shortcomings to make it home to his his really underrated wife Penelope. And--every time--just when things looked totally bleak, Athena would come to the rescue and save the day. With Athena's help he made it home, too. He got back just in time to kill all these dudes who wanted to marry poor Penelope. It was pretty bloody. But he got to be king!

Here's the thing, Rois, no one understands your dilemma more than I. Every week I wonder why I blog, and sometimes it is so hard to sit down at the computer. I've got two challenging kids. I work. I write. I make way too little money, and I really need to make more. But here I am. Why? Most of the time I have no fricking idea. I did get a free book once. I did get to eat pie with Deb and Carrie, my blogger friends from Arizona. Just today someone at Grocery.com offered me the chance to write content for them for absolutely no money! But, really, is this the best use of my time? Is this the best way for me to help my family? I doubt it. But here I am, because sometimes, for reasons that only make sense to Athena, you just have to do things, and you just have to keep, keep, keep at it. And when it gets hard, you have to think of Odysseus and you have to think of Athena, and you have to fight off your monsters. Whatever your monsters are, you have to fight them off. Because the only other choice is to give up on yourself. Of course, the time may come when blogging has nothing to do with what's important to you. When that happens--sure--walk away. Why not? But until that time comes, you must persevere. So: persevere.

Channel this goddess: when you want to give up, when it seems too hard to go one, when you need a little divine help on your hero's journey, when your workmates literally turn into pigs.

Need a goddess: I got goddesses! Post a comment describing what you need or want a goddess for. Then check back in a week or two to see what you got! Yeah! It's fun!

Goddess of the Week: Tara

2011-08-25T13:21:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaMelissa wants a goddess for protection. I have the perfect one: the Tibetan Buddhist goddess Tara.

Tara has twenty-one character traits and each one is signified by a different color. But the two main ways that Tara manifests herself are as Green Tara and White Tara. Green Tara protects you from fear and all the things that cultivate fear (longing, pride, loss, all that stuff). White Tara protects you and your loved ones from illness so that you can all live a long life. So, really, Tara has got you totally covered protection-wise. She'll keep you healthy and she'll free you from all the fear-based baggage that keeps you from rolling with the guaranteed punches of life.

Here's a neat story about Tara. Millions of years ago in a different world or dimension, Tara was a woman named Yeshe Dawa. After living many lives, she had finally gotten really close to enlightenment. She was so close to enlightenment that these monks came up to her and said, "You are so close to enlightenment. You should pray that in your next life you're born male so that than you can finally reach enlightenment and become a buddha."

She was all, "Dude, buddhahood is not about gender. Enlightenment is not just for men, and it is no easier for men to achieve than for women. I will pray that I never be born a man. I will pray that I always be born a woman and that I achieve enligtenment as a woman so that I can help ALL women become enlightened." She did finally reach enlightenment--as a woman--and she became the many states of Tara. However, she didn't actually become a buddha. She could have, but she chose to wait outside the gates of Nirvana and send us compassionate vibes until all the ladies are as enlightened as her. Once we're ready, she'll totally join us at the Nirvana Bar for a mojito. But even before then, with Tara on our side, we can feel totally protected from within and without.

What do you say, Melissa? Is that what the doctor ordered?

Channel this goddess: When you are afraid, when you are ill, when interior or exterior forces paralyze you with fear and you need protection, when you face a glass ceiling.

Need a goddess: I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining what you need or want a goddess for. Check back in a week or two and see what you got. Submit to peer pressure. Everyone else is getting a goddess, why not you?

Blogging: Fringe Benefits

2011-08-22T09:00:00.000-07:00

Cover via Amazon

Just when I get all angsty and feel like blogging is a big time suck that keeps me from doing useful tasks, something happens to change my mind. This summer two things happened.

1. My blog friend Bec sent me the book Traveling with Pomegranates, by Sue Monk Kidd and Ann Kidd Taylor. Bec had read the book herself, and probably because this mother-daughter travel memoir involves discussions of Greece and reflections on the goddesses Demeter and Athena, she thought I would like it. So she just sent it to me. She has two young girls--one just a year old--yet she found time to track down my address, address an envelope, go down to the post office and send me the book. How cool is that? (More about the book later. I really liked it.) (P.S: Bec has a particularly cute post up right now: What's for Meat.)

2. My blog friend Deb and her fabulous daughter Carrie went out of their way to have lunch with me when they were driving through town the other day. We went to Pasadena's famous Pie 'n Burger. Surprise: we had pie and burgers, although not in that order. It was such a treat to meet two people I have admired from their blogs.

Here I am with Deb. She has great blog called Paper Turtle.

Here I am with gorgeous Carrie, who also has a blog: http://rosalindrevival.blogspot.com

Deb, being a master crafter, brought me this cute decoupaged M. It's different on both sides.

The children are partial to the slightly darker color side. I like them both. A collector of heart-shaped rocks, she also brought me this cute rock too.

So now I am all gushy sentimental happy. Sigh. My blogger friends be good to me. Sniff. Me is happy.

Goddess of the Week: Bendis

2011-08-18T09:25:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaWendy needs an apartment-hunting goddess, and it needs to be a good one because she's looking in Manhattan, where postage-stamp apartments are snatched up in a heartbeat. I'm giving her the Thracian hunter goddess Bendis.

Bendis was originally from Thrace, which was in Southeast Europe, but like all goddesses worth her salt, she moved to the Big Apple to make her way in the world, and in Bendis's day, the Big Apple was Athens.

When Bendis went to Athens she couldn't find an apartment to save her life, and, being new in town, the gods on Mount Olympus wouldn't even return her calls. But Bendis didn't get discouraged. She let her unfailing fashion sense open doors for her. Wearing a fetching short skirt, a fur stole draped over one shoulder, knee-high boots and a hipster hat, Bendis was page five material in no time.

Soon, people were even having nighttime horse races to honor Bendis. Like modern relays, horse riders would pass a flaming torch (always a fun idea!) from one rider to the other until a horse and rider either passed the finish line or else everyone died tragically of third degree burns.

Secure in her celebrity among the people, she didn't have to look for an apartment anymore. Her worshippers made her a temple with a totally awesome view of the Parthenon, marble floors, a second bedroom, and even a garbage disposal (and those were really hard to find).

Bendis reminds us that when you are hunting for anything--from an apartment to the perfect macaroon (La Maison du Chocolat, Wendy), the key is to know your adversary and prepare accordingly. Do you have the right boots for the job? No? Then you need to get them. (How about these?) Don't take no for an answer. Meet obstacles with style and elan. People will be LUCKY to have you as a neighbor! You are charming, kind, witty, creative, and dependable. Don't forget it! You bring something to this equation. You bring you, and that's a big plus.

Channel this goddess: When apartment hunting, when hunting for your heart's desire, when updating your wardrobe, when looking for a good pair of boots or a hipster hat.

Need a goddess? I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining why you need or want a goddess. Then check back in a week or two and see what you got! It's fun, free, and easy! Go, go, go!

Scout Report

2011-08-10T15:45:00.000-07:00

Due to wild volatility in the market, investors are reminded that the safest place for your wealth may very well be soft doggy pillows, a literal steal if you are creative about what you define as a pillow. Holes in the ground are also a good bet, and I am willing to make one for you--just say the word, or not. How about I just make one and you use it when you're ready.

Investors are advised to remain wary of the Bear Market, and not because of recent decisions by S&P. Bears are just very unpredictable. Keep your distance.

Finally, while many investors continue to flock to gold, our research suggests that it is not very tasty. Kibble futures would be much more welcome.

Top Five Books for Bonding with your Thirteen-Year-Old Daughter

2011-08-08T08:31:00.000-07:00

The great folks at the online literary journal Chamber Four asked me to submit a top five book list, ala High Fidelity. It's for a summer series they're running. So I submitted one entitled "Top Five Books for Bonding with Your Thirteen-Year-Old Daughter." I hope you'll check it out, and be sure to leave a comment! We like comments.

Goddess of the Week: Parvati

2011-08-04T10:46:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaToday is my anniversary. Alas, my husband is 3,000 miles away on business, but I'm giving him a goddess because that's a present we can afford! I'm giving him Parvati, the Hindu goddess of marriage.

Parvati was created to be the consort of Shiva. Unfortunately, Shiva wasn't too into her, but Parvati was a determined goddess and did her best to win him over. She cooked for him. She did his laundry. She darned his socks. She cleaned his house and never made him vacuum or do the dishes. She even cleaned the rain gutters and learned basic plumbing so that he never needed to waste money on a plumber.

Alas, Shiva was still not interested because he had become a cave dwelling ascetic who renounced all pleasure and existed off, like, one grain of rice every six weeks. So, Parvati decided to cultivate a shared interest and became an ascetic herself. She moved into a cave. She dressed in black and read depressing novels and ate one grain of rice every three months.

Shiva remained unimpressed. Parvati decided she would woo him with her beauty. She went for a total physical transformation. She had the gods turn her skin gold, lost twenty pounds, and had a boob job.

Finally, Shiva noticed! He thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and married her.

Well, my dear Steve, here's to you! You may not have Parvati. I don't really clean much. I have no home maintenance skills. I'm a so-so cook. Let's face it, I'm a bit too selfish to cultivate shared interests. (Bob Dylan? I'm sorry. He sounds like he has a painful sinus infection.) And damn it all to hell, if I'm not losing twenty pounds for me, why would I lose them for anyone else?

BUT Too bad for you! You knew what you were getting when you signed up, and there's no backing out now. I have one goal in life: That's to die before you. I will do that if it kills me.

But enough about death, here's to our life together: I promise to love you and cherish you, to only go crazy when you can be sane, to never again sneak oatmeal into meatballs, laugh at your sun hat, or stick a loud clock up to year ear when you are sleeping. I promise to save you a piece of cheesecake and to, at least occasionally, maybe on holidays, let you choose what to watch on TV (except for local news; don't even try it).

Happy anniversary, my love, from your devoted (in a totally feminist and not self-denying sort of way) wife,

Margaret

Need a goddess! A got goddesses! Post a comment explaining what you need or want a goddess for. Then check back in a week or two and see what you got. It's fun! It's free! Go! Now! Post!

Pass the Book Winner!

2011-08-01T14:42:00.001-07:00

Hello, Olga! You are the winner of the pass the book contest! Your name was chosen at random (I put names in a hat) so I will be sending you A Homemade Life by Molly Wizenberg, a memoir/cookbook by the creator of the blog Organgette.

When I received the book from Deb, I was going to make banana bread, but then I remembered that the Finnegans really do not need more delicious carbs, so I can became Mean Mommy and made Cabbage Salad with Lemon and Black Pepper instead. Naturally, my unworthy dining companions were unimpressed and refused to be in the same room with it, but I'm beginning to see this as the real advantage of making food outside their comfort zone.

The fact that no one in my family would eat the cabbage salad should be your clue that is actually delicious. In fact, as Wizenberg herself notes, it's strangely addictive. And it is so simple to make! Wizenberg uses red cabbage, but Trader Joe's only had shredded green cabbage, so I used that. It probably isn't as pretty, but it was still yummy.

Here is my modified version:

2 T olive oil

2 T fresh lemon juice

1 clove pressed garlic

1/8 t salt

Shredded cabbage

Finely grated Parmigiano-Reggiano

Freshly ground black pepper

Mix the olive oil, lemon juice, garlic and salt in a small bowl. Whisk. Take as much cabbage as you think you need and then add dressing to your liking. Add the Parmigano-Reggiano and pepper to taste.

Hint: I had some extra dressing and put it on some leftover broccoli the next day and had a little broccoli salad. It, too, was delicious and very effective at scaring away teenagers! So bonus!

(Olga: email me your address at margaret@margaretfinnegan.com and I'll send you the book! Hooray for you!)

Goddess of the Week: Kali

2011-07-25T13:27:00.001-07:00

Image via WikipediaDeb needs a goddess for moving (as in homes). I give her Kali, the Hindu goddess of change.

Kali knows all about moving. Once, some demons decided to build a freeway right through the neighborhood where all the gods lived. It was a really nice neighborhood, very homey and with good public schools and a really vibrant cultural scene. But that didn't mean anything to the demons. They just brought in this supernatural Tantric excavator and started tearing up the street. All the gods got mad and started attacking the demons, and the gods totally would have won except there was this one demon, and whenever someone whacked a body part off of him, each drop of his blood would turn into a clone demon. So it was like demon town.

Kali had been at the mall when all this happened, but she got back in time to see clone demons not only tearing up the streets, but laying asphalt where the Tantric Starbucks used to be. Well, Kali just totally lost it, and she started killing the demons and instantly sucking up all their blood. Finally, she destroyed the demons, and the gods were all, "Hooray! Let's gentrify!"

But Kali was all, "Sorry guys. You can't go backwards. You can only go forwards." She helped them pack up, which was easy for her because she had ten arms. Eventually, they all settled near the beach, which was really much nicer anyway.

Kali reminds us that change is the only constant in life. Our worlds fall apart, we move, we lose people and things and places that we love, and new worlds are created in their stead. Sometime we like the change, and sometimes the change is really, really hard. But we can only go forwards. So here's to new worlds, and here's to new homes. Wherever you are Deb, that will be home, and it will be a good home, because it will glow from the light within you.

Channel this goddess: In times of change, when moving, when you need ten arms to help with packing, when deciding what to keep and what to toss.

Need a Goddess? I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining what you need a goddess for. Then check back in a week or two and see what you got.

HA HA For You!

2011-07-24T12:59:00.000-07:00

Cover via AmazonGuess who won Deb's (http://paperturtle.blogspot.com) pass the book contest? Me! Me, me, me, me, me, me, me. I won, and you didn't. You know why you didn't win? Because I did! HA! So too bad for you, and hooray for me.

Let me rub it in a bit more. Deb has been participating in this very cool Pass the Book contest. In this case, the book being passed is A Homemade Life by Molly Wizenberg. It's a memoir/cookbook by the creator of the food blog Orangette. I haven't made any of the recipes yet, but I have some very sad bananas so I'm planning on making the banana bread. I will report back with my results.

Deb won the book from Beverly, who won it from, Melissa, who won it from Sian (Sian didn't write her blog down in the book so I can't tell you what it is, and I am sorry about that because Pass the Book is a great idea).

When I am done, I have to Pass the Book to someone else. So...who will it be? Just post a comment saying you'd like the book and I'll draw a name out of a hat. Let's give it a week, shall we? I'll draw the name on Sunday, July 31.

Letter from my good friend Gretchen Whipple

2011-07-19T10:20:00.000-07:00

From my good friend Gretchen Whipple, recently returned from her husband's family's estate in France:

Dearest Margaret:

I was running early this morning and I thought of you. I have a slight cold so instead of running my normal 12 miles I decided to run only seven and take a short cut through Lacy Park. It brought back so many memories!

Remember when the girls were toddlers and we used to bring them here? Jenny was always climbing the jungle gyms and singing French folk songs while your kids would try and shove sand down each other's throats. Wow. Good times. And it seems like it was just yesterday!

Now Jenny is in Peru helping a poor family of goat herders. She even crocheted little earmuffs for the goats--you know, it's wintertime there.

I guess I'm just sentimental because Henri, the twins, little Jimmy and I all miss her so much. The twins are writing her a song for her return. It's called "Jenny: Best Sister EVAH!" (EVAH is apparently slang for ever. Kids these days!)

And how are your girls getting along this summer? I bet it's all sunshine and roses at your house, just like it is at ours! Aren't the teen years the absolute best EVAH! Won't you miss them when they are over? Sigh.

Well, I'm off to get a massage and facial. How's that nervous eye tic going? Better yet?

As they say in Peru, muchos besos,

Gretchen

Goddess of the Week: Durga

2011-07-12T06:28:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaElizabeth needs a goddess to help in a crisis. She and her daughter both tested positive for Lyme disease and now her husband has lost his job. She needs Durga, the Indian warrior goddess of female energy and power, who is a symbol of resilience and courage in the face of chaos and hardship.

Even gods face hardship. Once, a demon--Mahishasura--unleashed terror on earth and in heaven. Even the gods couldn't defeat him. Outraged, they combined their divine energy, and a new goddess came into being: Durga. Durga loved the gods, and because she loved them, she decided to save them.

Durga, decided to challenge Mahishasura, but Mahishasura was all, "Phhh, that's just some girl. What can she do to me?" So he just totally laid down in a hammock, relaxed and opened up a snack pack of cardamom farmers.

Durga laughed at his overconfidence, and an earthquake threw him off his hammock and onto the dusty ground. That got Mahishasura's attention. He was all, "You talking to me?"

She said, "Bring it on."

So this epic battle began. He turned into a buffalo. She cut him down with her sword. He changed into a elephant. She sliced off his trunk. He transformed into a lion, a man, anything he could think of. But, always, Durga, whacked him into a million pieces. So he tried being a buffalo once more, and this time he didn't even finish his transformation before she cut his head off destroying him for good.

Durga reminds us that in the face of chaos and terror, all we can do is try to cut through the demons in our path. Durga won not because she was bigger than the Mahishasura, not because she was stronger. She won because she loved the gods enough to care what happened to them. That love and compassion gave her the energy to be courageous and resilient in the face of a constantly changing and unpredictable threat.

The fact is, we all face Mahishasura. We are constantly battered by unpredictable forces beyond our control. They ravage our bodies, our hearts, our souls. They threaten our livelihoods and the safety and well being of the people we love. We may escape them from time to time, but, especially as we get older and as we share more and more of our hearts with others, they always find us. They always will. The best we can do is to be like Durga: to face the challenges in our lives with courage, resilience, compassion and love. Add to that faith, hope, and maybe a sense of humor, and--at the very--least you'll be able to keep your sword sharp. So, you know, demons beware.

Channel this goddess: when life has become turbulent, when feeling overwhelmed, when demons try and eat you for lunch; when you need to sharpen your inner resources.

Need a goddess? I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining why you need or want a goddess. Then check back in a week or two and see what I found you. It's fun! It's free! Come on, you know you want to!

Margaret Finnegan: Truly Grumpy Reader

2011-07-06T15:34:00.001-07:00

I haven't been able to get past page 75 in the last three books I've started. I have tried. Honestly. I swear, I am really not that hard to please. I want compelling characters, a brisk narrative, an interesting story, and little to no blah-blah-blah, boring, boring, boring.

Really, do I ask too much?

Suggestions?

Goddess of the Week: The Vily

2011-07-05T09:07:00.001-07:00

Image via WikipediaTony would like a culture clash goddess, a goddess who can help him flow from one cultural continuum to another. I think he needs the Vily, the Eastern European nature goddesses who can change shape to fit any occasion.

The Vily are like many girls you might have known in high school: they travel in packs and are really into good hair. The love to party, and they've been known to give awesome gifts, but watch out. If you step on their toes they might literally dance you to death. So, as always with goddesses, tread lightly.

The really cool thing about the Vily, however, is that they are shape shifters, and isn't that what you need when bridging the cultural divide? As shape shifters, the Vily possess the enviable ability of being infinitely adaptable. They can be whatever they need to be, and, therefore, wherever they go, they feel at home. Spreading your wings biking through Belgium? They can do that. Working the nightshift in police headquarters? Hey, they're totally cool with that too. And here's the kicker: As flexible and adaptable as they are, they are also, always, themselves. They may become the horse, for example, but they are still the horse with the awesome mane and the party girl prance.

The Vily remind us that adaptability and flexibility are keys to authenticity, not barriers to it. Adaptability and flexibility speak to a willingness to step out into the unfamiliar, and only by exploring the unfamiliar can we see beyond the limitations that self, family, nation and culture set for us. Only by exploring the unfamiliar can we begin to wonder who we might be and who we can become.

Channel this goddess: When caught between cultures or navigating between different worlds, when feeling resistant to change, when you just can't find your party girl prance.

Need a goddess: A got goddesses! Post a comment saying what you need or want a goddess for. Then check back in a week or two and see what I found you. It's fun! It's free! Why are you being so resistant about this? Channel some Vily and post already.

Goddess of the Week: Abeona

2011-06-29T09:10:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaAlexandria needs a goddess. Her son went with a high school group to France, and Air France lost the entire group's luggage! They both need the Roman goddess of travel Abeona.

Abeona started out as a goddess of baby steps. Literally. Her whole job was to help babies learn to walk. But she had to broaden her range because first steps always beget first steps. You know how it is. One day your baby's walking, the next day he's moving into a dorm with a guy named Sven who has a coffee table made out of beer kegs.

What is a mom to do?

Trust in Abeona. Trust that each step faces forward, that each foot holds steady, that each journey that takes us away from home finds us safe and warm and with a full change of clothes. Trust that when we lose our luggage (both physical and metaphorical), we will have the flexibility to adapt and the natural body chemistry not to smell. Finally, trust that the paths we follow change us just enough to open our minds, but not so much that we start dressing like Eurotrash posers.

Channel this goddess: when traveling, when trying something new, when watching people you love step out into the world, when Air France loses your luggage.

Need a goddess? I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining why you need or want a goddess. Check back in a week or two and see what I found you. It's fun! It's free! Why aren't posting already?

Whippleashed

2011-06-27T14:33:00.000-07:00

Cover of The Partridge Family

So, I was hanging out with my good friend Gretchen Whipple, who, by a strange twist of cosmic fate, I have known practically my whole life. She has four kids, thirteen-year-old Jenny, ten-year-old twins Data and Spock, and two-year-old Jimmy. You have to sort of hate Gretchen because her four kids never fight or whine or pout. They win every award. They win so many awards, in fact, that now their schools have actually started a new category for them: the Whipple. They just give the award to whichever Whipple kid they want, and that way other parents don't get all mad that their kids never win anything. You'd think the Whipple kids would feel rivalry over at least the Whipple award, but they don't! They are just happy to see any Whipple up there winning something, plus they all have so many trophies they really don't care anymore.

Amazing as that is, this isn't even the most amazing thing about the Whipple children. The most amazing thing is that they recently started a rock band, ala the Jonas brothers or the Partridge family. They're called Whipplelash. Jenny plays the bass. Spock the drums, Jimmy and tambourine, and Data is the lead singer. Apparently, it's a little tough sometimes because Jimmy, being two, can't always keep the beat. Plus, he has a lisp so his back up vocals aren't always great, but the kids are so good that Gretchen and her French husband Henri, made this little CD of the kids. Somehow, the CD landed in the hands of some Disney executive who offered them their own TV show. But Jenny thought it would interfere with her advanced math class, so the family turned it down. Plus, they were a little worried that Jimmy would start hanging with the wrong crowd. (Those Disney toddlers are notorious for their "fast" ways.) Data and Spock were the only ones who were disappointed, but they quickly got over it by writing a screenplay that their CAA agent is shopping around.

Anyway, I just love Gretchen, and I love hearing about her perfect kids. Because, really, if you can't feel honest generosity toward your oldest and dearest friends, you must be some sort of a monster.

Dust Bunny Rebellion

2011-06-23T12:58:00.000-07:00

When the Dust Bunnies took over the hallway, I was, admittedly, concerned. It's always been an uneasy truce between us. They know it. I know it. They resent what they see as my imperialist policies. I resent how they identify themselves as indigenous to the land, and, therefore, somehow worthy of the hard-won frontier that I call my living room.

I fight them back with all the technology I can muster, and, as soon as I'm done, they start marshaling their forces. Quietly, unobtrusively, they take over the corners, the spaces behind doors, the breezeways, until, all of the sudden, I realize they have the dog--cursed as she is with short legs--by the throat.

Then the truce is broken once more. I get out Mr. Hoover, and, with all the shock and awe I have at my disposal, I suck the living daylights out of them.

But the tables have turned, my friends. As is so often the case, their David has bested my Goliath. I'm talking about my Vacuum cleaner. I shoved that puppy right under my daughter's bed, and what do you think happened? With a broken, beaten moan, it expelled a burning metalic smell, and then it died.

I looked around me. The dog stood outside the room, too afraid to even lick my foot. As for the children, well, the children barely blinked an eye. Ah, the innocence of youth. Little do they know: One day it will be their dog. One day it will be their Vacuum cleaner. You can build a better vacuum, but the dust bunnies always win, my friend. In the end, the dust bunnies always win.

R.I.P. My Kenmore Power-Mate . You did your best, and that's all anyone can do.

Goddess of the Week: Hathor

2011-06-21T07:36:00.001-07:00

Image via WikipediaChieftess wants to know if there is a muse for photography. Funny enough, there isn't a muse for fine art. There's no muse for painting, ceramics, or anything like that. Maybe it's because the goddess Athena had a lock on handicrafts and the muses were too smart to encroach on her turf. The last gal who did that was turned into a spider, which is why I'm not giving The Chieftess Athena. Instead, I'm giving her the Egyptian goddess Hathor.

Hathor was a sacred cow goddess, but don't think she was some shluby hamburger. Hathor was the goddess of love, beauty, music and joy. Photography fits right in there, Chieftess, and let me tell you why. Hathor was sometimes called "the eye of Ra," Ra being the great creator god, and what is a photographer if not the eye of Ra in microcosm. Your eye composes, your eye frames everyday life in new and novel ways that reveal the beauty that has become invisible to us.

As for joy and love, well that's the ultimate payoff isn't it? Most of us don't pursue art because it turns a profit. Most of us pursue it because we love it and, at least some of the time, it provides as much joy as we're likely to find in this world. If you can find a way to make some money, I say go for it, but don't get too wrapped up in that end goal. Goddesses don't usually like that. They're kind of hippie-like in their love of process over product. Instead, remember that it is a privilege to have been given the eye of Ra. Focus on what you gain from seeing, not on what it will get you in the end.

Now, there is still music to contend with. You're thinking, what can a photographer do with a goddess of music? Well, bonus points for you, that's just a totally free prize. Score! So crank up whatever you're listening too. Have fun. Sing out. It'll make you happy.

Channel this goddess: When you need the eye of Ra to keep you from chopping off grandma's forehead, when you are loving the act of creation, when singing in the shower, when, generally, having a fun and joyful time.

Need a goddess? I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining what you need or want a goddess for. Then check back in a week or two and see what I found for you. It's fun! It's free! What's stopping you?

Scout: Dog Poet Extraordinaire

2011-06-17T08:53:00.000-07:00

Imagine my surprise when, upon returning from a short vacation, I learned that my own amazing dog Scout was now actually writing haikus! Naturally, I am amazed and proud, however, I am also rather sad. Like many poets, it turns out that Scout has a dark and depressive side, and, of course, one likes to imagine one's dog as perennially happy.

Here are her poems. Judge for yourself their quality and insight into the canine soul.

Doggy Daycare

Lab: Shut the fuck up.

Poodle: Away from the butt.

Soft bed: Miss you. Sniff.

Doggy Daycare II

Pee mark. Smells yellow.

Howling, I cry, "Where are you?"

New pee. Smells like corn.

Goddess of the Week: Calliope

2011-06-10T19:15:00.000-07:00

Remember the very exciting blog contest? Remember how there were two lucky winners? Remember how one winner, Bellis, chose chocolate cake and the other winner, Susan, chose a winsome goddess pack? Well, I finally figured out what a winsome goddess packs consists of and am ready to give Susan her goddess. ( Alas, Bellis must wait for her cake a little while longer. Isn't that always the case?)

But let's get back to Susan. Susan wanted a goddess that would help her find time to write. Of course, she needs the Greek goddess Calliope. Technically, Calliope is a muse, and a muse is minor goddess. So she's omnipotent and stuff, but she doesn't get a cool chair on Mount Olympus. (Think of it like high school. The more popular you are, the better lunch spot you have.)

People-wise, muses are much better than major goddesses. Major goddesses sleep with you and leave you with a demi-god to raise all on your own, or they admire your bravery but then decide you're vain and make you go crazy. Thankfully, muses are less dramatic. Muses inspire you. Calliope inspires you to write epic poetry. She inspired Homer to write The Odyssey, and that's been hanging on for a couple thousand years now, so it seems like Calliope can be kind of useful.

So, Susan, for you, I offer Calliope. May she inspire you to write epics (or, whatever). Let me tell you about your prize. As promised, you have everything you need to create your own winsome altar to Calliope. It includes a candle, a framed portrait of Calliope, and a shadow box (see picture). The box is about 6 inches by 6 inches, so it's not that big. It's painted in chalkboard paint so that you can write right on it, and, naturally, you also get your own chalk to write with. How winsome is that!

Need a goddess? I'm fresh out of winsome altars, but I can still find the proper goddess to guide you through your travails. Post a comment letting me know what you need. Then check back in a week or two and see what you got. It's easy! It's free! It's fun! Really, what more do you want? Stop being so difficult.

PS: I'm super behind on reading blogs because my life is in crazy town, but I'll catch up. Give me time. Don't give up on me yet.

Goddess of the Week: Guanyin

2011-06-03T11:25:00.001-07:00

Image via WikipediaDeb needs a goddess to help her through a really tough time brought on by her mother's cancer diagnosis. Only one goddess will do: Guanyin, the Chinese Buddhist goddess of compassion and Mercy.

Poor Guanyin. Her father was this totally cruel king, and so she grew surrounding by suffering. One day her dad says to her, "You need to marry this ugly-gross dude over here because he's really rich and powerful and that works for me."

Guanyin's says, "I'll marry him, but only if by doing so my marriage will help solve three problems: the suffering caused by aging, the suffering caused by illness, and the suffering caused by death."

Her dad's like, "What's the fun in marriage if it stops suffering? Put on a white dress. I'm taking you to the temple."

She refuses to marry and eventually guilts her dad into letting her live in a temple. But--Ha-- she only thinks she's guilted her dad out. Her dad has a plan! He tells the nuns to give her the worst work possible and to never let her sleep or rest. Cinderella like, animated baby animals take up her chores. So her dad demands she be executed. Blameless Guanyin takes on her killer's guilt (to spare him) and, now filled with executioner-guy's bad karma, descends to hell, which, in her presence instantly becomes paradise. So obviously the demons running hell don't want her.

She's sent up to Nirvana and is just about to enter when she hears humanity crying out in suffering. She shakes her head and decides to wait at the entrance for the rest of us. Just then, her head explodes and she grows eleven new ones to hear us better. Then her arms explode and she grows 1,000 to hold us better.

Now, we can't all be Guanyin (my one head causes me enough trouble; I can't imagine how I'd torment myself with 11), but we can remember Guanyin's lesson. Suffering is like oxygen. It's the one thing all of us share, and it's not optional. It's part of the E ticket ride that is your life. Our choice isn't to suffer or not to suffer, it's now to respond to the hardships we encounter.

By themselves, copper and tin are soft, so-so looking metals. Combine them and put them in a fire for a long time and you end up with shiny, beautiful, hard--unbreakable--bronze. Leave that bronze out and it develops a gorgeous patina that is always unique. To become like bronze, to become unbreakable and beautiful and ever unique, alas, we must go through the fire. That's what you're doing now, Deb. You're going through the fire. And--hard as it is to believe because you are already lovely and resilient--when you come, you, and your mom, will shine even brighter and stand even taller.

Channel this goddess: When times are time, when every step seems a mile wide, when you need to show a little compassion and mercy to yourself and the people around you.

Need a goddess? I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining what you need or want a goddess for. Check back in a week or two and see what you got! It's fun! It's free! How often can you say that?

OMG! Blog Winners Announced--It's Totally Exciting, but Contain your Enthusiasm

2011-05-31T15:41:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaWell, friends, I know you are totally excited to see if you won my blog contest. I know that you've barely been sleeping, eating, or even breathing because all you could think about was having your very own winsome goddess pack that would help you through your darkest, deepest drama queen moments.

First, let me give you the bad news. You probably did not win. There could only be two winners, after all, and like maybe four people entered. So, you know, the odds weren't in your favor.

Instead, the odds favored Susan Campisi and Bellis, two local readers who you should never bet against because they win everything. Susan, for example, recently won plumbing and fencing problems. I'm sure Bellis has been just as lucky, but she's more discreet about these things so there's no telling what kinds of windfalls she's had to duck out of the way out.

Because, early on, Vanda was being difficult, Susan and Bellis have a choice. They can each choose before the aforementioned winsome goddess pack or a homemade chocolate cake. But, Bellis and Susan, don't ask for both. You can't have your cake and your goddess too.

So, ok, ladies, what will it be?

(PS: Thanks to all of you who entered my contest, especially newbies who added me to their RSS feed. I appreciate your support.)

Meet my Blog Friend Daisy (and her human transcriber Barbara)

2011-05-25T14:16:00.000-07:00

No offense to any of you, but my Daisy is my cutest blog friend. She has short white hair, bright black eyes, and the sweetest smile ever. She is also a poodle. She blogs here:

http://fur-licity.blogspot.com, and she has quite a harrowing tale (tail?).

She was raised in a puppy mill, where she was seen as little more than a furry pair of ovaries. By the time she got to Barbara and her forever home, she was a trembling, terrified mess. She didn't know what a toy was. Loud noises scared her. She even feared the affection and love Barbara offered. In fact, the blog started as a way for Barbara to process the challenges of taking in a traumatized dog.

Has it been two years now, Barbara? I think so. Daisy is so much better now. She plays. She loves. She trusts--that's the big one--because that means Daisy can, finally, experience some sense of peace. Now, when it thunders, she stands on the bed and protects Barbara.

Check it out. Say hi to Daisy. She's quite a trooper.

Goddess of the Week: Coventina

2011-05-23T09:20:00.000-07:00

Image via Wikipedia

Apparently, Allison has a new pool. She would like a goddess of all things aquatic. I give her Coventina.

Coventina is a water goddess from Northumberland, England. She had a temple there, and in that temple there was a well. People would ask Coventina for favors, and if she granted the favor they would come and drop a coin in her well. The coins would say things like, "To Couventia, Aelius Tertius, prefect of the First Cohort of Batavi, willingly and deservedly fulfils a vow." Or, "There once was a goddess Coventina, who people did ask, beg, and plead-a. I asked for a man, who was hot, tall, and tan, now I'm barefoot and pregnant. Who needs ya?" (Actually, that one sounds a lot better in the original Latin.)

The point is, Coventina is a generous goddess, and she can fulfill all your watery needs, but she expects recompense, otherwise kids are going to poop in the pool left and right--and then you'll be high, dry and indebted to the pool man. Much better to just pay your dues. Throw some coins in that pool! And don't be skimpy. Nobody wants your pennies. Even my struggling, working-class college students won't stop to pick up pennies. So throw in some dollar coins. They won't get stuck in the filter will they? They might? Jeesh. You gotta work hard to please a goddess these days. How about this? You have a nice barbecue and you offer Coventina a nice flotation device. It might work, but don't sue me if your concrete cracks.

Channel Coventina: When you need a favor. No need making your own pool; if you get what you want you can throw a coin in any fountain. Better yet, just assume you'll get your wish and throw the coin in the fountain from the get go. How do you think that old coin-in-the-fountain tradition started anyway?

Need a goddess? I got goddesses? Post a comment telling me your need. (You can also email me if you're feeling shy.) Then check back in a week or two and see what I found you.

PS: There's still time to join the drawing for your own goddess pack. Just let me know you want to be included. The drawing is next Monday. There are two drawings: One for faithful readers and one for new followers.

Moral Dilemma: Found Money

2011-05-19T13:32:00.001-07:00

Image via WikipediaNormally I am of the philosophy that found money is something I want more of. If I'm walking down the street and find a quarter/a dollar/ten dollars!/twenty dollars!! That's a good day. Yet today when I found ten bucks at school I felt nothing but dirty. Here's what happened:

I stepped out of my class so my students could fill out their student evaluations. I moseyed down the hall as I am wont to do at times like this and--wham--there was a five dollar bill at my feet. I looked around. On each side of the hall there was one or two students hanging around, waiting for the next class to start, but in the near vicinity of the money there was no one. There was really no way anyone could possbly know who that money belonged to. So, feeling a little cheap because I am after all supposed to a PROFESSIONAL, I grabbed that money and stuffed it in my pocket and gave a silent, "WOO HOO!"

Almost instantly, I felt bad. My students are working class kids. They work so hard to be at school and here I was woo-hooing at their expense. Fleetingly, I thought: "I should just drop this money. Yes, I should drop it on my way to my car. I should let someone else experience the joy of a found money moment. But then the greedy part of me said, "Keep the money. You deserve this money because you lost your cell phone on Tuesday and that is karma's way of evening the score."

So I went into my class, and I even told me class what happened. I even pulled the money out of my pocket to show them. Only then did I realize there were two fives folded together. It was TEN dollars. You could tell by the looks on their faces that they really believed they deserved to find that money. I told them about my cell phone, but that did not seem to convince them. One students said, "You should give the money to me." But then a few more said, "You should just the money. It's not like you can find who it belonged to." Still, I felt bad, so I said, "I think I'm just going to drop this money on the way to my car--don't follow me."

For a few minutes, I really believed I would drop the money. Then I thought, I'll drop ONE of the fives. But who was I kidding? That money is right here on my desk staring up at me.

You go through life thinking you are a certain kind of person, and then something like this happens and you know that, really, you are a different kind of person, a worse person.

So what do you think? What would you do?

Don't forget: You can still sign up for the blog contest. Just post a comment telling me you want your named dropped in the hat. You could win a goddess pack! Or, because Vanda is especially difficult to please, if you are local, you could win my fabulously delicious chocolate cake. You have to be a follower though, so click on the follow button. It's easy peasy.

Crazy Blogger?

2011-05-14T12:08:00.000-07:00

Anybody else having Blogger problems. It looks like Blogger reposted my last post and stripped it of all its previous comments. Don't worry! I know if you want to be in the contest. Weird though...

Margaret's Exciting Blog Contest!

2011-05-11T16:59:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaWell, of course, I did hope that people would be enthusiastic about my exciting blog contest (see below). But I had no idea the response would be so overwhelming. Altadena Hiker said, "I never follow anyone, and I'm not about to start with you!" Desiree said, "Oh, you crass commercialist! First, you become a commercial shill and now this! I spit on you! !!"

Obviously, I'm besides myself with excitement. As they say, "It doesn't matter what people say about you, as long as they're saying something about you." Of course, since they're only saying this to me, I'm not really sure if it applies, but the point is: Join the fun!

The contest runs until Monday, May 23. There will be two winners: One faithful reader and one new follower. Faithful reader: post a comment telling me you want to be in the drawing. That's all you need to do. New Follower: push the follow button on the right. Post a comment telling me that you're a new follower and want to join the drawing. That's all you need to do.

Winners will receive all the things they need to make their own winsome goddess altar, including a certificate describing your personal goddess and a bunch of other stuff that will be cool and help you think about how this goddess can help you achieve your goals.

(P.S.: If you are reading this through Facebook or Networked Blogs, you'll need to leave that and go to http://margaretfinnegan.blogspot.com to post a comment.)

(P.S.S.: The real point of the contest is to GROW the blog in the hopes that it will increase my PLATFORM in the hopes that editors will want to buy the novel my agent is shopping around, so really it's for a good cause, aka: me).

Goddess of the Week: Rosmerta

2011-05-09T14:35:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaThis week the goddess is for me. I am so grateful for all my blog readers, many of whom I think of as real friends. I'm grateful for your comments. I'm grateful for your time. I'm grateful for your questions, requests, visits and interest. So I need a goddess of gratitude, and I choose the Gaulish goddess Rosmerta.

Rosmerta is a goddess of abundance, but besides that she's a bit mysterious. All we really know is that she hung out in ancient France, she carried either a giant cornucopia or a purse, and that she sometimes wore the Roman god Mercury's little FTD cap (the one with wings). Some people take from that she was Mercury's ancient French eclair-of-love, but I like to think she stole that cap because it represented the height of haute couture. Either way, she's a goddess of plenty. She gives plenty, and I'm grateful for the plenty I've been given.

In honor of Rosmerta, I'm giving back to you. That's right...I'm having a CONTEST! Two lucky winners will win their very own goddess packs. Your goddess pack will include everything you need to make a winsome altar to your personal goddess (as chosen by me with your consultation), the goddess who will help you remember who you are, who you want to be, and why you need to keep your dreams alive.

One winner will be chosen from current followers. Just post a comment telling me you want to be included in the drawing and two weeks from today (May 23) I'll put all your names in a hat and have one of my lovely daughters draw a name. If she draws your name, you win!

One winner will be chosen from new followers. Just add my blog to your RSS feed! Then post a comment saying you're a new follower and want to be included in the new follower drawing. Two weeks from today (May 23), I'll put your names in a hat and have my other lovely daughter draw a name. If she draws your name, you win!

I'm so excited! Post your comment! Let's get started!

(P.S.: I'm still really loving the exclamation point! !!!)

The Scout Report: National Security And the Market

2011-05-04T11:34:00.000-07:00

As you make your investment choices for the season, please remember that national security always affects economic developments. The safer the backyard, the better the garden grows, as it were.

With this in mind, it is worth remembering that barking protects YOU. Only deluded do-gooders with their heads in the clouds see it as "invasive," "loud," "annoying," "excessive." The same is also true of sniffing. Is your "guest" hiding something "up there?" I could tell you if you'd just back off with "sit," "stay" already.

Now is the time to increase, not decrease, our defenses. And by that I mean, it is time to implement code "dark gray," wherein you keep the front door open so that I can sit on the porch and "observe" suspicious "neighbors" and, of course, keep a close on eye on local hostiles: the cats.

In regards to the market, safety always translates into dollars. In particular, increasing attention to the defense budget, via a more liberal distribution of "num nums," should positively impact the nation's mood, and, hence, consumer spending.

Goddess of the Week: Galene

2011-04-29T10:55:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaSusan needs a goddess who will help her stay calm in the midst of moving-related chaos. She needs Galene, the Greek nereid (or sea goddess).

Galene was one Poseidon's 50 daughters, and, like 48 of her siblings, she had a real Jan Brady, middle-child thing going on. She was always the peacemaker. Her sisters would always be like,

"Hey! That's my sea-shell bikini top. Give it back."

Which would lead to, "Yeah, but it looks better on me because you're so fat."

And then, "Oh! You so did not call me fat!"

Which would lead to waves and storms and the troubled seas that only sisters can spawn.

But Galene, would be all, "Calm down. Here! You can take my sea-shell bikini top. I'll just put these old barnacles on my boobs," and then everything, and everyone, would calm down and they'd all go drink Mai Tais and complain about their parents.

Eventually, sailors started praying to Galene and asking her for calm seas, and then-- voila!--she totally branded herself as the goddess of calm seas and started a chain of high-end spas!

But, luckily, Galene is benevolent and will help you outside of the spa as well. She will turn your chaos into the still seas of order and calm.

Start by taking a nice long bath. Then wrap yourself in something cozy, pull this out of the refrigerator, and watch this. It will make everything better.

Channel this goddess: When life is too chaotic; when you crave peace and relaxation; when boating and feeling sea sick.

Need a goddess? I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining why you need or want a goddess. Then check back in a week or two and see what you got.

Margaret--Commerical Shill--Writes a Book Review: Torn: True Stories of Kids, Career and the Conflict of Modern Motherood

2011-04-25T11:54:00.000-07:00

True story: A long time ago, when my kids were very young, I was conflicted over whether or not to pursue a tenure-track job as a history professor. Tenure-track professors work a lot, and I really wanted to be home with my kids. I laid it all out for my adviser--a woman and a mother that I liked and respected--and she said to me, "Margaret, you can stay home, but if you do, you'll never be as smart as you are now."

As it turned out, I didn't pursue the tenure-track job. I teach part-time so that I am always home when my kids get out of school. In many ways it is ideal. I have never missed a school performance. I am home when my kids get sick. I am not constantly exhausted by the duel pressures of fulltime work and parenting. But I'm also laughably underpaid. I have no benefits. I get little professional respect outside of the wonderful writing center where I'm based. I am one divorce/sudden spousal fatality/sudden spousal disability away from poverty. My kids occasionally smirk at my lack of professional accomplishment. And I'm not as smart as I used to be.

I have a lot in common with editor Samantha Parent Walravens and the contributors to Torn: True Stories of Kids, Career and the Conflict of Modern Motherhood. They too understand that the balance between parenting and career is fraught with the sorts of challenges and dissatisfactions that can make you feel stupid. You can be the mom who makes the homemade cupcakes or an accomplished professional, but to believe you can be both at the same time is to believe in pink flying ponies that carry you to the land of the lemonade sea. As Torn illuminates, the real choice isn't balance, it's to change your mind, over and over again: This year it's part-time. This year it's home with the baby. This half year it's work like crazy. It's flexible, yes, but it's an awful lot to ask from a person. And it's definitely not a good way to plan for your retirement.

My favorite essays are the ones that openly acknowledge how money figures into the choices women make. After all, in an age when divorce is common and recessionary pressures still loom, most women are not seeking a balance between fulfillment as mothers and professionals, they're seeking ways to stay afloat. Kathryn Beaumont knows that. She traded the artistic life for that of a high-powered lawyer. She feels secure in knowing that she can take care of her family's needs, and she's not ashamed if that means nobody will be dining on Top Ramen. Amy Hudock gets it too. She committed "financial suicide" when she gave up a tenure-track job to follow her academic husband across country. Then they got divorced. Now she's totally screwed.

Really, that's the bottom line: When you put your kids first, you screw yourself financially and professionally, but there are some emotional rewards. Funny enough, fifteen years into this parenting business I've found my peace with all of this. The trick is to avoid old career friends/generally successful people. Likewise, avoid the parents of very successful children because they'll just make you feel like shit. Also try not to think about anything bad happening to your spouse. Also, make reservations to the lemonade sea. If you can manage all this, you'll be gold! (Figuratively, of course. Even I know how broke I am.)

Samantha Parent Walravens, Torn: True Stories of Kids, Career and the Conflict of Modern Motherhood. Seattle: Coffeetown Press, 2011.

Note: A copy of Torn was given to me with the expectation that I would write a review. Voila! I have served my purpose.

Goddess of the Week: Artemis

2011-04-22T08:33:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaJess needs a goddess that will help her pursue and stay true to her dreams. She needs the Greek goddess of the hunt, Artemis.

When Artemis was a baby, her father, Zeus, told her that she could have anything that she wanted, proving that parents really do need to think carefully about their words.

Artemis said, "Promise me I'll never have to get married."

Zeus was all, "Sure."

"Oh," she said, "And promise me I can have fifty hunting dogs and a bunch of handmaidens to hang out with. And a pony."

Zeus was all, "Doh." Because fifty dogs is a lot of dogs even for Olympus.

Artemis never did marry, and she always did have her gaggle of hounds and handmaidens. She lived life on her own terms, and when people tried to take advantage of her good nature she turned them into stags.

This is not to say that partners, children, careers or whatever has put a leash on you should be banished or turned into wild beasts. (Although, let's face it, who hasn't had that fantasy?) Instead, you need to take a page from Artemis and remember that your talents and dreams are gifts. Would you really throw out a diamond bracelet if someone gave you one? Your talents and dreams are worth way more than a diamond bracelet. No one has the exact set that you possess! Ignoring the things that make you you is both ungracious and cruel. And who is going to give you presents if you just throw them away? Hold onto the things that give you meaning. Pursue them like they are your prey. Be like Artemis. Take your talent. Now hunt.

Channel this goddess: When you feel like you are losing yourself, when you find yourself putting yourself last time and time again, when looking for a new dog, when hunting.

Need a Goddess: I got goddesses. Post a comment explaining what you need or want a goddess for. Then check back in about a week or two and see what you got!

Margaret Finnegan: Commercial Shill!

2011-04-20T12:35:00.000-07:00

Exciting news! I'm a shill! I got a free copy of the book Torn: True Stories of Kids, Career and the Conflict of Modern Motherhood in exchange for the promise of a review. That's right, I have become the man. I have sold out. I have finally made a profit on my blog. So here's a big HA to you Altadena Hiker, you of the million commenters. This book is worth $18.95! Psyche! !!!

Here's what happened: my blogger friend Windi, who blogs here, contributed an essay to Torn, and she suggested to the marketing people at Coffee Town Press, who published Torn, that I might be a good person to review it. So they contacted me, yadda, yadda, yadda, and now the book is in my hand. And HA to all of them too because being torn between motherhood and work is the story of my adult life. I would have bought the book anyway. So double Psyche!!

To be honest with you, however, I am actually feeling pretty conflicted about this. One the one hand, I want to be the person people give things too because I am considered so influential. And, of course, I want to support Windi, who is a fabulous writer and deserves many accolades. But, on the other hand, I want to feel above any sort of crass commercialism. You'll notice, for example, that there are no Google ads on my blog. That's because I don't want them there; it has very little to do with the 2.34 cents I would likely make annually. I don't want people to think, "Oh, Margaret, her blog was cool until it was all 'Tampax presents the Goddess of the Week.' What a sell out!" Then again, Tampax Presents the Goddess of the Week seems like a lucrative opportunity for me. I'm not sure I would say no. I guess I really am cheap. I just didn't know it because no one ever wanted me before.

But rest assured, I will not let my commercial ambitions dilute my good name. NO! I will be completely honest with you (unless, of course, I'm offered a whole lot of money. I have teenage girls. They are rare and expensive flowers.) Margaret Finnegan is a brand you can trust (by which I mean, of course, if you pay me enough you can trust me to say anything). I still have my standards (the prices of which are getting higher all the time so get on the train now).

By the way, have you heard about AOL's Patch? This hyper-local newspaper site is just the thing to help you feel connected to your hometown. And what great writing! Have you seen this?

Goddess of the Week: Sarasvati

2011-04-14T12:57:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaLindsay, a very talented writer, needs a positive and inspiring creative muse. Let me tell you, folks, this was hard because there are a lot of goddesses dedicated to creativity, which only goes to show that creativity is as vital and basic to human survival as the sun and the moon. Still, one must choose, and I choose the Hindu goddess of language, art and learning, Sarasvati.

Sarasvati invented the Sanskrit alphabet. At first, the gods were totally unimpressed. "What's the point," they said, "when we can just remember stuff." But then they all got middle-aged and were like, "What the heck was I supposed to buy at the grocery store?"

"Duh!" she said, "Write it down."

At first, everyone was all happy again, but then the novelty wore off and they were all, "Gee, couldn't you get us something more fun to read out by the pool?"

So she invented prose and then poetry--which actually started out as dirty limericks for the gods--and then, of course, to really get the party going, she invented music.

Pertinent fact: Sarasvati started out as a river, so she really understands the concept of flow, which, of course, is so crucial to creativity. At some point, as an artist, you need to stop observing and judging and just jump in the water and let the river take you where it wants you to go. That takes a lot of trust, faith and courage. It also takes perseverance because rivers take detours and you will feel tempted to follow those detours. Personally, I'm ok with that because my detours inform my creative process. But if they don't inform yours, your creativity may stagnate. Even then, however, at least you'll be in the water. It's when you get out of the river, it's when you become a bystander in your own life that your creative process, and everything else, falls apart. So remember: stay in the river and trust to its flow.

Channel this goddess: when embarking on a creative journey; when your art feels stagnant, when you are going to the grocery store.

Need a goddess? I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining what you need or want a goddess to help you out with. Then, check back in a week or two and see what you got!

On the Other Side of Pretty

2011-04-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaSo we took the Girl Scouts for a tour of a skid row homeless shelter for women last week. I had worried that we would come off like disaster tourists, but that's just my narcissism talking. Because we quickly realized the tour wasn't about us at all. It was about the Downtown Women's Center and the amazing work they do. They provide permanent housing for about 70 women. Most of the women who live their will stay their until they die. Most have mental or physical disabilities. Many have had substance abuse problems. Many have been victims of domestic violence. Many just had too much bad luck all at once. The residents can have cats, which I thought was nice.

This guy, Steve, led our tour. He was the volunteer coordinator. He was young and energetic--maybe 25--with a degree in psychology. And as I watched him I was simultaneously inspired and ashamed. Inspired because, in the face of hopelessness, he was so peppy, hopeful and respectful of the people he worked for. Ashamed because never in my wildest dreams would it have occurred to me to build a career around this sort of service. My narcissism would not have dug that at all. I think we can all agree that Steve is the better person here.

On the way home, one of our girls said, "I just don't see how you can end up homeless. My brain just can't wrap around this. Wouldn't their families take care of them?"

I tried to repeat what Steve had said..."Blah, blah, blah...mental health...disabilities...drugs...bad luck..."

"But...I just don't get it."

Unfortuntately, I think I do.

(We're making the residents hygiene kits. It's literally the least we can do.)

(The picture is of Juliette Gordon Low, who founded Girl Scouts. But I don't know which one she is!)

Goddess of the Week: Gaia

2011-04-04T14:26:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaEsther needs a goddess, and I'm giving her the Greek goddess Gaia.

Actually, Esther is a character in the novel This Vacant Paradise. It is by Victoria Patterson, who I love, and who wrote the short story collection Drift. The mother in me can't stop thinking about this character. I think it's because she reminds me of so many young women that I've taught, women who, to this day, think their primary talent is looking good on some guy's arm. Their biggest ambition is marrying well, and yet, every once in a while they'll turn in some essay about how spiritually empty their lives are or how afraid they are of thinking too deeply because then their entire worlds will explode.

So for Esther, and all those young women like her, I give Gaia. Gaia is mother earth. Lonely, she created Uranus, the sky, and he became her partner. They gave birth to the Titans, a giant race of gods. Beautiful and strong, she loved them because they were her children. Her next children were not so beautiful: A giant cyclops, a beast with fifty heads, another with 300 arms. Uranus called them monsters. He thought they were so ugly that he hid them in the depth of Tartarus so they couldn't see the light of day and so that he wouldn't have to look at them.

But Gaia loved them. They were her children. Their appearances meant nothing to her. She worked with her youngest Titan son, Cronus, to destroy Uranus so that she could free her children, but then Cronus deceived her and kept them hidden. So she worked to topple Cronus, and she did, with the help of Cronus's own son Zeus. Zeus put the cyclops to work in his own forge, Gaia's other children he left hidden so that heroes would be able to fight them and earn glory (which seems kind of a bum deal for them, but I guess they saw it as noble work because Gaia seemed ok with it).

Gaia reminds us that the real monsters are those who conflate wholeness with beauty. Shame on Cronus, and shame on the fathers, mothers, and institutions who still tell girls covertly or overtly that they are nothing more than commodities. The smaller the nose, the slimmer the waist, the higher the price. Believe this lie all you want, but it is a game you cannot win. Good genes or plastic surgery may let you pull ahead for a while, but time will beat you. Guaranteed. You can age with dignity and looked regal, or you can make your lips look like sausages and pull your face so tight that you can't cry. How sad is that?

Channel this goddess: When your culture is lying to you and telling you that your looks are your currency, when it's tell you aging is a disease that must be stopped, so, basically, all the time.

Need a goddess? I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining why you need or want a goddess. Then check back in a week or two and see who you got!

PS: Read This Vacant Paradise. It's got some of the best, most elegant writing you'll find, the story is terrific, Esther will make you cry (and I'm always looking for excuses), and it will give you a lot to think about.

New Moral Dilemma. Involves cats (or possible opossumss, maybe even skunks.)

2011-04-01T08:48:00.001-07:00

Image by javierespada via FlickrNew moral dilemma. Very flummoxed.

New to gardening, I followed my neighbor Peter's advice and made a slug trap thusly: I took an empty can of tuna, buried it up to the rim in my raised bed and filled the can with beer. The slugs, being genetically predisposed to frat party antics, drink the beer, fall in the can, and drown. I have to admit that I feel bad about my murderous behavior, but that is not my dilemma.

Here's my dilemma: Every morning I check on my slug trap and half the beer is gone! Granted, there could be some evaporation, but not that much! No! I think animals are drinking the beer. I think I am contributing to the delinquency of some neighborhood cat, although it could be an opossum, skunk, or even a raccoon! We have them in our suburban jungle.

The question is: how much beer can a cat drink before it becomes a lout? Before it starts making bad personal choices or weaving on the sidewalk? I don't want to corrupt any animal, but I don't want slugs eating my basil! So, as you can see, I'm in a bit of a pickle.

Hmmm....Thoughts? !!!

Goddess of the Week: Artio

2011-03-30T13:55:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaFinally! Spring! And it's not just on the calendar. It's in my backyard. No more rain. No more cold. The sun is shining and the perennials are switching out their dark green leaves for a spunkier, lighter, more fashionable hue. Naturally, we need a goddess!

I give us Artio, a little known bear goddess who made herself at home in the Swiss Alps. I know what you're thinking. A bear goddess? What's so springy about bears? Aren't bears really cranky in the Spring? Aren't bears the last thing you want to encounter while picking wild flowers and channeling Julie Andrews channeling Maria Von Trapp? Won't a spring bear chase and maul you if you get too close.

The answer is, of course, yes. So don't get too close, but do appreciate the miracle of hibernation, and do see how ancient people, in particular, would see a bear's ability to hibernate as something pretty darn mystical. I mean, you go to bed, walk up three months later, get yourself a snack, and you're good. And isn't that what we all do? Winter comes; the days get shorter; you hole up inside and eat carbs, and then--wham--one day the leaves have gone a shocking shade of pea green and you're craving strawberries.

So here's too strawberries! (I'm growing them. I'm hoping to get maybe six.) And here's to spring. I am so ready.

Channel this goddess: When winter (real or metaphorical) is hanging on too darn long, when you feel like you've been hibernating and need to get back to living, when you're getting a little obsessed with carbs: Remember potatoes--my precious--belong to winter.

Need a goddess? I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining what you need or want a goddess to help you out with. Then check back in a week or two and see what you got!

P.S.: I just want you to know that I'm really loving exclamation points of late! They're very spring! !!!

Moral Dilemma. Need Advice. Involves chocolate.

2011-03-24T09:51:00.000-07:00

What would you do?

Say your husband and daughter return from New York with several small--emphasis on small--boxes of chocolate from La Maison Du Chocolat. Say said chocolates are possibly the best chocolates in the world. Say they are handmade in Paris, France and flown daily to NYC and that, therefore, the guaranteed freshest La Maison Du Chocolat chocolates are the ones that are hand delivered to you by your husband and daughter.

Now say that your husband says one of the boxes, which is very, very small, is for the family that leant your daughter a winter coat. But say that your husband and daughter already got the girl to whom the coat belongs a lovely little bracelet with pictures of New York City on it.

Would you, being practical, rethink the giving of the small, almost nonexistent, box of chocolates? I mean, first of all, one must think of feelings. The girl is already getting a bracelet. Wouldn't it seem too much to give the chocolates--of which there are soooo few--as well? Wouldn't it put an uncomfortable pressure on the family? A feeling of the thank you being greater than the favor? You wouldn't want to make the family feel awkward, would you? I mean, that would be the last thing you would want to do. And you certainly wouldn't want them to fight over the chocolates. You would not want to return a good deed with family friction.

So wouldn't it make sense to keep the small box? If you can even call it a box. It being so small, really only enough for one grown woman (not even her children, who, let's face it, eat way too much sugar as it is). Wouldn't it be the ethical thing to keep that box and also, for safety sake, hide it in a box of pens? I mean you don't want the chocolates to become a weapon in the escalating war of sibling rivalry. That would almost be abusive.

Hmmm. Just wondering how you would play this?

Goddess of the Week: Eostre and Pachamama

2011-03-19T11:04:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaChristina is looking for a death/rebirth goddess to help her honor her mother, who recently passed away. First of all, Christina: Good thoughts. I'm sending them all your way. I'm also sending you two goddesses. You asked about Eostre, so let's give you her, but let's also do a little Pachamama.

Eostre is English, by way of Germany. If her name sounds familiar it's because it's where the word Easter comes from. Bunnies? Totally her. She used to be driven around by giant hares. Eggs? That's her too. She is a goddess of springtime and, therefore, a symbol of the natural rhythms of death and rebirth. If your instincts say go with her, trust them.

Add to this Pachamama. Pachamama is an Andean goddess, sort of like mother earth but less commercial. She is still worshipped by indigenous people in Chile and Argentina, who always offer her the first drop of chicha--a kind of grain alcohol--whenever it's served. Although not a death/re-birth goddess, Pachamama is a symbol of motherhood and caregiving. Your mama cared for you, and probably many others. Now it's Pachamama's turn to take care of your mama.

Both of these goddesses remind us that the earth gives us life, and, in the end, it gives us a place to rest. Nothing stays the same. Everything changes. But the earth abides forever. And it seems to me, that that's a good place to start as you think about how to honor your mother. Speaking of which, what do you have in mind? A kind of ceremony? If you're open to suggestions, I'm thinking outdoors, but someplace a little untamed. I'm thinking symbols of rebirth. To me, that means dafodils (sunny, warm, and always determined to sprout out of the ground before spring even starts)! I'm thinking beautiful springtime foods and wine. (Be sure to feed Pachamama first.) What about you guys? Do you you have any ideas for Christina? And what about you, Christina? How do you envision what you're planning? We'd really love to know so that we can send you good thoughts and good energy when it happens.

Channel these goddesses: In times of grief and loss, when you want to re-connect with the earth or welcome spring and new beginnings.

Need a goddess: I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining what you need/want a goddess for. Then check back in a week or two and see what I found you.

Goddess of the Week: Green Tara or Durga, It Just Depends

2011-03-11T12:37:00.000-08:00

Image via WikipediaVanda needs a goddess to help her deal with a stupid boss. Vanda, Vanda, Vanda...haven't we all been there? This is tough though because stupid bosses can fire you, and being unemployed is usually worse than having a stupid boss.

I'm going to give you a choice. You can take the kick-ass Hindu goddess Durga or the compassionate Buddhist goddess Green Tara. It just depends on whether you are more the slay-your-demon or the pity-your-demon type.

I used to be the slay-your-demon type, but to be honest with you, all that anger and fighting and decapitating monsters is exhausting. Frankly, all I really want to do after work is watch TV or maybe enjoy a movie featuring one of my secret boyfriends. Getting worked up about annoying co-workers? That's a lot of blah, blah, blah. Who needs it?

In my old age, I'm really striving to be the pity-your-demon type. Life is hard for all of us, even the stupid bosses among us. We can be a brick wall or we can be a flowing river. Nothing good ever comes from bringing brick walls and stupid people together. But put together a stupid person and a flowing river and what do you get? A wet stupid person and a river that has momentarily diverted its course but not its destination.

I recommend that you become the flowing river. Green Tara can help you there. When confronting stupidity, take a deep breath and practice compassion. "Who is this stupid boss? Why is he so stupid? Poor stupid boss. It must be hard being you." These are the ideas you must ponder. Relax. Let go. Remember, be the flowing river.

But, if that won't work for you. Choose Durga and kick his ass.

Channel these goddesses: Use your best judgment here. (But try and be the river. It usually ends better.)

Need a goddess? I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining what you need or want a goddess for. Then check back in a week or two and see who you got.

The Evil European Butter Conspiracy

2011-03-07T14:40:00.000-08:00

Image via WikipediaWell, my friends, it's bad enough to have discovered that the English are slobs like the rest of us, and that "Downton Abbey" and all those Jane Austen movies are shams--shams!--to make Americans feel bad about themselves and their nasally accents. But now I find out that the Germans are hoarding all the good butter.

That's right! Last week my husband came home from this high-end speciality grocery store with a gold-foiled block of German butter. I'm all, "German butter? What's the carbon footprint on that baby?" But then I tried the German butter. Oh. My. God. It was like no butter I'd ever tasted. It was like someone took a cloud and sprinkled it with little baby angel smiles. I was simultaneously exhilarated and ashamed. Yes, ashamed! All these years I thought I understood butter; I thought I had a special connection with butter, and now the whole thing seems so cheap. I didn't even know what good butter was. I was eating a sad facsimile of butter. I was eating stressed-out cow butter, because, really, what else would make our butter so inferior? Clearly, it's the over-worked cows who are literally squeezed for all their worth when all they really want is a humane work schedule and five weeks of guaranteed vacation.

For me, it's the Greek yogurt debacle all over! (Yeah! That was a pretty traumatic discovery too.) Now I'm stuck with American butter. Obviously, I can't afford to eat German butter all the time. It's expensive and addictively, dangerously delicious. Yet, while deprived of it myself, I now know that in Europe people are probably so awash in good butter that they're using the unsalted kind as Chapstick. And they're enjoying it too. They are feasting on it everyday, feasting and laughing, and resolute in the knowledge that while they eat good butter, we're the ones who get obese.

Goddess of the Week: Aine

2011-03-03T14:19:00.000-08:00

Image via WikipediaShanna needs a goddess to help her through a mid-career crisis. ( In this economy, don't we all?) I give her the Celtic goddess Aine.

Aine is a goddess of summer and sun. She also represents wealth and

sovereignty, which is always good to think about when it comes to careers.

Aine used to be a great Celtic goddess. When mortal kings tried to take advantage of her she would bite off their ears, and then that was it. They weren't king anymore. It was a good gig, and she really made the most of it. You know all those green meadows Ireland is so famous for? Totally her doing.

But times change. With the rise of Christianity, Aine and her kind got the boot. No more worshipful people. No more ears to bite off. She was totally downsized. She had to reinvent herself, and so she became queen of the fairies.

I know. It doesn't sound nearly as impressive. But, as queen of the fairies, she is still around. Can you say that about Hathor? Hera? Aine survives in folk culture even now. Plus, William Shakespeare wrote a play for her: "A Midsummer Night's Dream." That's hers, and that's not so shabby.

The message of Aine is to be flexible. Worry less about titles and names and more about the ability to be true to yourself.

Channel her: when in a mid-career crisis, when contemplating a new job, whenever you are finding it hard to change with the times.

Need a goddess: I got goddesses. Post a comment telling my why you need or would like a goddess of your own. Then, check back in a week or two. She'll be waiting.

Margaret's Big Oscar Night

2011-02-28T14:07:00.001-08:00

Image via WikipediaFirst of all, I want to say thank you to everyone for your kind and supportive words and thoughts. I know you've all been thinking about me and my secret boyfriend Colin Firth. Would he finally win his Academy Award after being so cruelly cheated last year? Could I take it if he lost? And what's with the Italian supermodel always by his side? Could she just give it a rest already?

Thankfully, as you probably know, he won. Of course he won. I never doubted that he would win. Being so tall and all.

Of course, I was also so grateful that my other secret boyfriend Ewan McGregor didn't show up. Imagine how awkward that would have been. It would have been Bridget Jone's Diary all over. You know, the part where my secret boyfriend Colin fights that lout Hugh Whatshisname! But it would have been my secret boyfriend Colin and my secret boyfriend Ewan: throwing punches, tearing each other's shirts, getting all sweaty.

Actually, maybe I could live with that.

No! No! Of course not ! I would have felt awful! And who would I root for? Colin? I mean it was his night. But I firmly believe Ewan should have been nominated for "The Ghost Writer," so you know, maybe if he won the fight it would right things just a little. Plus, they did make Colin look kind of old and dour for "The King's Speech," wheeras in "The Ghost Writer" I got to see Ewan's butt? Shouldn't that count for something?

But, luckily, it was Colin's night all along. And he sounded so self effacing and English (which is always such a good combination.) Besides, Ewan is probably motorcycling in Africa, so he's probably totally cool with Colin's win anyway. Ewan is totally big that way.

So, yes, you can stop worrying about me. I'm just fine, my secret boyfriends are fine, and my husband? He's a very good sport. In fact, the truth is, he's much better than my secret boyfriends combined! That's right. You read that, sweetie? MUCH BETTER. Ok. Oh! Honey, I think one of the children has your iPhone. You better check it out. Right now. No need to read more. I'm done. All done. Ok. So. Bye.

(Is he gone? Truth is, he is better, but no cute accent, then again, no Italian supermodel hanging off his arm either. So there you go.)

Meet My Blog Friend Petrea

2011-02-25T11:31:00.000-08:00

My friend Petrea blogs at Pasadena Daily Photo. She has the very hard job of posting a photograph of Pasadena every day. Everyday! Can you imagine. Also, she puts up commentary, often reflecting on the photo or on civic doings around town. Oh. And have I said that she does this every fricking day. Every fricking day!

I think it would kill me.

But Petrea perseveres, which tells you the kind of person that she is. She is the onward and upward type. (And, to be both honest and snarky--don't tell her I said this-- but it's really not fair that she also has those great cheekbones that make her look all heroic while moving onward and upward and posting a picture a day. Make me sick already.)

Me? I am the stop at the base of the hill, shake your head, turn around and go home type. I have quit too many things to mention, including, to everyone's satisfaction, softball, where I was the third-string right fielder. I don't think I lasted one season.

I'm totally OK with this, by the way. I'm all for giving up.

I just wish I could do it more often. Motherhood? OMG! It's not like TV at all. I should have stuck with dogs, but it's too late for should'ves. Too late. Too late. Too. So I persevere, persevere, persevere.

Unlike Petrea, I don't have the cheekbones for it either.

Goddess of the Week: Persephone

2011-02-23T14:31:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia...Daisy...needs a goddess to help her out of the dark and gloomy places. She needs the Greek goddess Persephone, the goddess of spring.

Persephone's story is disturbing--but so are the dark and gloomy places. When Persephone was a little girl, her uncle Hades became obsessed with her. He asked Zeus (who was Hade's brother and Persephone's father) if he could have Persephone for his wife. Zeus said Yes.

Wham! Hades snatched her from a field. He stole her away. He said nothing to her mother. He said nothing to her. He just took her for his bride.

Eventually, because of her mother's ruthless willingness to destroy all life is she didn't get her daughter back, Persephone was released, but, alas, Persephone had eaten three pomegranate seeds. Pomengranate's were the food of the underworld. Once you ate it, you were forever tethered there, and so for each seed she ate, she had to live one month out of each year in hell. Persephone's hell is our winter. When Persephone is released, spring begins.

We all spend time in hell. For many of us, those visits are sprinkled throughout the calendar. For others, hell lasts entire seasons. Those are hard times, gloomy and dark indeed. But here's why we need Persephone. Persephone knows hell. She lives there. She knows all about your pain. She is surrounded by it daily. But she also knows that hell ends. Winter ends. Spring always, always, always follows. Not all springs are sunny. Not all springs are easy. The waters of March are the coldest of the year. But, Daisy, all springs are filled with you, and all springs are harbingers of promise and hope.

Channel this goddess: When winter drags on too long, when dark and gloomy eats away at your inner light, when you need flowers and a new lease on life.

Need a goddess: I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining what you need or want a goddess for. Then check back in a week or two to read about your very own goddess.

(PS:...Daisy...see the link. Did I find a language you don't know?)

Joyology in Winter

2011-02-17T12:11:00.000-08:00

Image via WikipediaAdmit it. You're dragging. Blame winter. Blame the weather. Blame February's insistence on pink. Blame what you will, but accusations won't pay for lunch. Only you can find your mojo. Only you can find your happy-go-lucky Dancing Queen.

Here's what you must do:

1. Get out of the house. I know. It's hard. It's so nice and warm in there and now that you can instantly stream Netflix through your Wii there is always something good to watch. But research proves that the more isolated you are the more likely you'll keel over during American Idol. So GET OUT.

2. Go straight to your friend's house. (You know who I'm talking about.) Bring her pie.

3. Say, "I've been thinking about you, and I just wanted to bring you this pie. Pie is the new cupcake, you know. It was in the New York Times." She will say, "I love pie. Come in. Have a piece." She will offer you wine. Take it. Research also shows that a glass of wine is good for your heart, but a glass of wine with a friend is even better. While you eat pie and drink wine, she may try and tell you about her tragic friend who is--as you speak--enduring all manner of bad luck (ill health, divorce, difficult children, blah, blah, blah).

4. Gently change the subject because listening to people drone on about the difficulties faced by people you don't even know will kill you faster than a hermit-like existence. Instead, talk about your dogs. Her poodle is so darn smart! And your mixed-breed is so cute! Also, talk about books. Currently, I am reading This Vacant Paradise by Victoria Patterson. She is so smart it kills me.

5. Keep your visit short. Unexpected guests are a gift best enjoyed in small dosages.

6. Go home and feel good! You made some scientist, somewhere, proud.

(P.S.: If you didn't have a chance to read it, my short story "Creation" is now included in a free e-book of short stories from Chamber Four: The Literary Magazine. Download it here. Enjoy! It just might be the new pie.)

Goddess of the Week: Venus, of course

2011-02-14T10:58:00.001-08:00

Image via WikipediaWell, Valentines, let's talk about love. Let's talk about Venus.

You know she's my favorite goddess, right? She's totally misunderstood. Everybody's all, "Oh, Venus, she's so slutty, what with always cheating on her husband." Or, "Oh, Venus, she's so vapid, what with rising up on a clamshell and playing with her hair."

Total lies. Well, not the slutty part, but she never fiddled with her hair, and the clamshell business was all product placement by the clam lobby.

Here's what people don't tell you: She rose from that "clamshell" because she predates all the Olympians and the Greeks had to find a way to incorporate her into their stories. She's totally ancient, ancient, ancient. And yet she rocked her toga. Also, despite her own many misadventures in love, she never gave up on it, and she always tried to spread the wealth.

Just ask Hippomenes. Hippomenes loved a beauty named Atalanta. Alas, Atalanta had vowed to only marry the man who could beat her in a foot race, and if you lost the foot race, you had to die. Many men challenged Atalanta. Many men died. But Hippomenes asked Venus for help. Venus gave him three apples. When the raise began, Hippomenes dropped an apple every time Atalanta started to pull ahead, and, each time, she stopped to pick it up. This gave Hippomenes the edge, and that allowed Hippomenes to win. Better yet, because of Venus, Atalanta loved him in return. So it was a happy ending*

In honor of love triumphing over death, I give you Venus's Apple (the cocktail).

Barely wet the rim of a champagne flute and dip it in superfine sugar. Add equal parts Crown Royal, Apple Pucker, and Cranberry Juice. Mix with a sexy cocktail stirrer. Drop in two conversation hearts. Toast love and all things pink. Enjoy!**

Need a goddess: I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining what you need or want a goddess to help you with. I'll do the rest.

(*Full Disclosure: Unfortunately, Hippomenes and Atalanta forgot to thank Venus. So she compelled them to have sex in another goddess's temple fully knowing that that goddess would get mad and turn them into lions. To this day, Hippomenes and Atalanta have to pull that goddess around in a chariot.)

(**Fuller Disclosure: This cocktail is courtesy my good friend, Katherine, mixologist extraordinaire, although I did invent the name. What do you think? Is the name Venus's Apple zippy enough? Can we do better?)

Not quite ready for Valentine's Day

2011-02-11T11:36:00.000-08:00

Overheard. Father to young son:

"Your mom went out for her birthday. With one of her boyfriends. Not that she's bothered to divorce me yet."

Image via Wikipedia

Poor guy. Poor son. Think he needs this?

Emergency Goddess: Demeter

2011-02-10T12:56:00.000-08:00

Can I just say that Lindsay Lohan really needs a goddess. In my lifetime, I can't remember ever seeing a life in the public eye devolve quite so spectacularly and sadly as Lohan's. It's like watching a train wreck.Image via Wikipedia

That girl needs to channel some Demeter. Demeter (Greek goddess of the harvest. Powerful mother figure) went all tough-mama when her daughter Persephone was dragged down to hell. She threatened to let all the plants die (and thus all living beings starve) if she didn't get her daughter back.

Lohan is definitely in hell, and she needs to find her inner tough-mama to fight for that really messed up little girl inside her. Her inner tough-mama needs to convince that girl that she deserves better than the fast track to personal parody. I think she must really hate herself. For that she needs Quan Yin, the Buddhist goddess of compassion. So really she needs a whole lot of goddesses.

I feel sorry for her.

Goddess of the Week: Goddess of Time

2011-02-08T14:24:00.000-08:00

Image via WikipediaCindie needs a goddess that will let time expand like an accordian. She needs the Goddess of Time.

The Goddess of Time is a doozy. She is actually a new goddess, and if being worshipped means people pray at your altar and give themselves to you everyday, she is worshipped by millions. She is part of a game called Legend of Zelda that is played on Nintendo gaming systems. Fifty-nine millions copies of the game have been sold, so in the gaming universe she's pretty big.

The Goddess of Time can give Cindie just what she needs: Time. Here's how: She has the "song of time," which is played on the "Ocarina of time." And she can give them both to you. With them, you can relive three days over and over again. In the game, it has to be a certain three days, but you, being you, might be able to score some flexibility there. I mean, we don't want you reliving, like, Ground Hog's day over and over again. That'd just be annoying. BUT if you choose your days wisely, it could be awesome. You could get more work done. You could get around to finally cleaning the hall closet. You could totally extend your vacation and catch up on your sleep.

Here's the rub: the hero in the game has to use his three days to re-set the orbit of the moon so that it doesn't crash into the planet. Are you really going to use your time to do something so selfless and noble? If not, I'm not sure the Goddess of Time will hand over either the song or the ocarina. I mean, ocarina's are totally rare. It's not like you can get them at Walmart. Plus, good songs aren't a dime a dozen either (although this one is pretty good.)

Channel The Goddess of Time: When you have too much to do and not enough time, but make sure you have a good cause. Otherwise, you might be turned into an ocarina and people will blow on you/strum you all the time. It won't be pretty.

Need a goddess? I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining why you need or want a goddess. I'll take care of the rest.

Goddess of the Week: Laverna

2011-02-01T13:29:00.000-08:00

Petrea says that Desiree needs a goddess "because she has to do everything." That may be true, but I have a feeling that Desiree doesn't want a goddess for everything. She wants a goddess of mystery and intrigue because, well, Desiree likes to write about mystery and intrigue. That being the case, Desiree gets Laverna, the Roman goddess of thieves, cheats, and the deep, dark underworld.

Originally, Laverna was a death goddess (possibly the Etruscan goddess Furina.) But a goddess has to keep up with the times, just like the rest of us. She's got to contend with technology, trends, social media. These day, if she doesn't have a Twitter account she slides silently into legend.

Luckily, Laverna had it easier. When it became clear that death goddesses just weren't to die for anymore, she did a little horizontal integration and expanded her product line to cover cheats, thieves and pickpockets, always an under-served yet resilient market. Apparently, she had a sacred grove where the lawless could hide their pilfered booty. Boy, would some enterprising archeologist like to uncover that!

Also, apparently, she had no head. Which makes you wonder where she kept her conscience. Hmmm.

Desiree's new ebook deals with all things Laverna: cheating. Thieving. The criminal underworld. It's called Human Cargo. Don't you love the cover? Go ahead: judge this book by its cover. It promises to be just as good because it's by Desiree, and she's a great writer. Buy it here. I do not have a fancy e-reader, but I'm going to read it on my old laptop. I can do that right? (I'm sliding people. I'm sliding.)

Need a goddess: I got goddesses! Post a comment! Tell me what you need! Tell me what you want! I'll find you the goddess to make it happen! And it's free, free, free!!!

Research You Need to Know

2011-01-26T14:38:00.000-08:00

True fact: Psychologists have found that if you are deeply involved in a romantic relationship, you will be almost "REPELLED" by "highly-attractive romantic alternatives," namely, people you might have found really good looking if you weren't in love.

Here's how they did it. They had people try and keep track of flashing shapes on a screen. Occasionally, all these faces would pop up in the opposite corner. Single people would slow down when any face showed up. People in love would slow down if "average-looking" faces appeared, but if it was a "highly-attractive" face they did not slow down, so basically they wanted nothing to do with the highly-attractive face.

Image via Wikipedia

The researchers concluded that, from an evolutionary standpoint, you are primed to find "romantic alternatives" less attractive when you are romantically involved with someone else.

But couldn't it just mean you are afraid of being tempted? Don't look. Don't look. Don't look.

Either way, it seems like this is research you can use. Thank you science.

Goddess of the Week: Hera

2011-01-24T10:15:00.000-08:00

Image via WikipediaJosie is getting married! So, of course, she needs a goddess. I've got the perfect one: the Greek goddess of marriage, Hera.

Now, hold onto your hats. Some of you are thinking: Hera? Isn't she the crazy gal who went around turning her husbands' many mistresses into farm animals. Yes! She was!

Am I suggesting that Josie may encounter problems with fidelity or feel a sudden yearning to start raising alpacas? No! I am not!

Hera totally has a bad rap. Some people think it's because she predates the Greek pantheon of gods and was, like, the most favored and worshipped of deities before, like, MEN took the whole worship business over and made Zeus top dog. And, of course, they couldn't make Zeus top dog until they made Hera look foolish, so people had to invent this whole jealousy thing and wrap her up in it.

So don't believe a word of the ancient propaganda, Josie. Hera was not some harpy. She was a goddess, and if you look at the ancient Greeks, you'll see that they loved her, especially in Crete and Samos, where they made her fantastic temples. Why? Because they knew that marriage was not just about the god. It was also about the goddess. She didn't stop being one just because she got married. She just got better jewelry and help with the housework. (You don't think Zeus did laundry? Believe me, Zeus did laundry. Gods do laundry. They also vacuum. If your husband doesn't, you should think about what you've signed on for.)

You take your Hera, Josie, and you be proud. And if the day comes when your Zeus is out there tangoing with some sow, you just remember that you were a goddess while Zeus was still playing with Tonka trucks. (I'm joking! It'll never happen! Your guy is perfect! I'm sure! You're a match made in Olympus! It'll be great! Live large and have a good time!)

Channel Hera: When you are getting married, of course. She's also good for childbirth, and 4-H clubs.

Need a goddess? I got goddesses. Post a comment identifying your need. Or give a goddess: Post a comment identifying the need of someone you know. I'll find what you need.

Meet My Blog Friend Deb

2011-01-21T10:21:00.001-08:00

Image by Pash Photography via FlickrMeet my friend Deb. She visits here often. She has her own blog too. It's called Paper Turtle.

Deb is like Martha Stewart, but younger and way more mellow and cool. She will tell you she's a crafter, and she especially loves scrap booking, but, really, she's an artist, and every part of her life is her art. That's what I like: every part of her life is her art. You can see that on her blog.

But here's why I really like Deb, and why I think you will too. Deb is amazingly positive, but not in a Krispy-Kreme-Hurt-Your-Teeth way, and she is always having fun with her adult daughter, while I occasionally count the days until my children (please, please, please) leave for college. It gives me hope on the days when I am silently sniveling and moaning along.

Anyway, you might want to give her a visit.

PS: I thought it might be nice to slowly introduce you to the bloggers and readers who tend to comment on my posts. That way we all get to know each other a little better, and you might discover another blog that you really like.

PPS: Deb likes heart-shaped rocks.

Goddess of the Week: Bastet

2011-01-19T11:19:00.000-08:00

Image via WikipediaPasadena Adjacent recently posted a fascinating tale about Egyptian cat mummies. (Read it here.) Then, lo and behold, I'm watching a documentary about ancient Egypt with the kids, and there's this part on Egyptian cat mummies. How much more serendipity did I need? None! It was obvious that the goddess Bastet, to whom cats were, alas, sacrificed, was trying to commune with Pasadena Adjacent. So, PA, this goddess is for you.

As goddesses go, Bastet is a good one to have in your corner. She has the body of a woman and the head of a cat. These days, she is considered a goddess of play and recreation, but during her heyday she protected people from disease and illness. She was also good with fertility. Her priests would sacrifice cats to her and then mummify them. People would then buy these mummies and bury them with their dead loved ones.

But talk about Buyer Beware, a quarter of the mummified cats were all wrappings! Not a drop of cat inside! Some mummified cats were only, like, a quarter of a cat. If you didn't have much money you got fake or only partial mummy cats. Only if you had a ton of money would you get a real cat, but even then you couldn't be too sure. In some tombs, people placed a whole bunch of mummy cats and only some were really mummies. So the old adage, "if it sounds to good to be true, it probably it is," is timeless and even holds true for mummified cats.

Personally, I'm having a hard time understanding how a cat goddess would really want you to kill a bunch of cats for her, but that's probably just my twenty-first century cultural blinders talking. (Plus, also, you know, I'm more of a dog person.) Still, sacrificial cats besides, if you're into cats, I still think Bastet is your gal.

Channel Bastet: If you love your cats but would prefer them to be a bit more cuddly; If you love your cats but would prefer they not throw up on your rug; if you love your cats; Also, it couldn't hurt to sacrifice her a hairball if you've got a bad cold.

Need a Goddess: I got goddesses! Post a comment describing your need or want and I'll see what I can find. Post! It's fun!

My Mental Conflict

2011-01-14T10:46:00.000-08:00

Image by wallyg via FlickrI was going to tell you how much I loved The Cookbook Collector by Allegra Goodman. It is smart, funny, poignant: everything good.

But then I looked at her website and learned that she had her first short story published when she was seventeen. She got her acceptance soon after she started Harvard. She has accomplished parents--professors--who she clearly admires and likes, and she has four children--four! She writes when they are at school, and clearly, she really does because this is, like, her fifth novel and her stories often appear in The New Yorker.

So I think I have to hate her.

But, I am working on this new thing where I don't hate accomplished and talented people that I would like to be like. Instead, I am trying to wish them only well because, truly, suffering befalls all of us and who knows what crazy drama people endure in private. Grab your joy while you can. That's my new motto.

So, now I am conflicted.

How's this: Read the book. It will make you happy, and YOU, I am not conflicted about at all. I only wish you the best. Always.

PS: You're probably thinking: Boxing polar bears? No idea. I just liked it. Maybe it's my conflicted psyche.

Time for a dip in the pool, is it?

2011-01-12T13:58:00.000-08:00

Image via WikipediaIt's January. So, of course, my local Target is full of swim suits. God help you if you want a sweater or--worse--a coat. But swim suits they got.

I, for one, am always buying my swim suits in January. My thighs look so beautifully fleshy and pale this time of year. Plus, naturally, I'm getting ready for my winter cruises, of which I take many.

Bon voyage.

P.S.: That's me in the hat.

Goddess of the Week: Durga

2011-01-10T10:58:00.000-08:00

Image via WikipediaDaisy asks for a goddess who can remove obstacles. I give her Durga, the great Hindu mother goddess.

Durga is way fierce. You don't want to get in her way. She has eight arms--sometimes ten, which is handy in the kitchen. In each hand she carries a weapon to kill the demons that confront her.

This one time, this buffalo demon guy came and threatened all the gods. Even the great gods Vishnu and Shiva were all scared and didn't know what to do. But Durga had total confidence.

She rode out to meet the demon and he charged her in all his buffalo glory.

She was all, "Oh, yeah, I'm really scared of a buffalo. Total yawn."

So he changed into a lion. With sushi-maker speed she chopped off his legs.

So he turned into an elephant.

Wham! Off came his trunk.

He threw mountains at her (with his tail maybe?). She walked right up and just sat on him. Then she thrust her spear into his chest and killed him.

In our multi-tasking lives, we may not face demons, but we face a ton of annoying, gnat-like obstacles. They throw themselves at us like desperate girls at a Justin Bieber concert. They hi-jack us. They trip us. Sometimes they even blind us to what we really care about and what we are driven to do. Durga reminds us that we must be tough. We must chop off the legs of the inessential tasks that slow us down. We must keep our eyes on the prize. We must find our way to the finish line.

Channel Durga: When obstacles overwhelm you. They will drag you down if you let them. Don't let them. Be Durga-strong. Be Durga-determined. You can do it.

Need a goddess: Let me find you one! Post a comment describing your need. I have yet to find a need for which I could not find a corresponding goddess. I totally I have you covered.

(P.S.: Daisy sweetly requested this goddess for me, and I want to thank her for that, but I want to share Durga with all of you).

(P.P.S: I have a new short story posted at a pretty cool website called Chamber Four. I like this story a lot. Check it out here. Leave a comment so they know you read it.)

The Scout Report: Trends for 2011

2011-01-03T11:10:00.000-08:00

All signs continue to point to a mixed market this year.

Dropped food is up way up. Yesterday alone saw both spilled broccoli and a bonus half scoop of vanilla ice cream. However, recent inability to zip up pants in the adult sector has led to grumbling about forced food shortages, although experienced speculators say that they will believe it when they see it.

Research suggests that the luxury market is worth watching. The growing accumulation of household "softees," including the holiday acquisition of a fluffilicious bean bag chair, hint that the uncertain economy is encouraging a nesting habit in consumers. This can only bode well for high-end napping opportunities.

Winter is always an iffy time for walkies, and recent rainstorms have definitely driven them to an all-time low. Nevertheless, hope springs eternal among the canine set, and wise investors will remember that what is bad for walkies is often good for tug-of-war and hide and seek.

Goddess of the Week: Lemanja

2010-12-30T14:52:00.000-08:00

You know what you would be doing if you were in exotic Rio de Janeiro right now? You'd be joining millions of revelers at the Copacabana Beach and ringing in the New Year with fireworks, dancing and gifts to the goddess Lemanja. You would set your gifts right on the waves in hopes that this ocean goddess, originally brought to the Americas by African slaves and known as Yemaja, would grant you your new year's wishes.

Of course, in my part of the world we do things a little differently. We paste flowers, seeds and all manner of verdant things on parade floats. Then--if we are bold and much, much younger--we spend all night on a city street and throw tortillas at passing cars. In the morning, we--the bolder, younger ones of us--shuffle off to port-a-potties and watch our gigantic and mechanized tributes to nature glide down the street: beacons of the cleanliness and alertness we now crave.

Those of us who are older and wiser make nice with the local Lemanjas. They get you inside access to the spectacle. You can watch people actually decorating the floats, and you don't get whacked with a tortilla, which is really how you want to start your New Year.

Happy New Year everyone!

And thanks to Petrea, who has more pictures here. This goddess is for you.

Goddess of the Week

2010-12-23T10:17:00.001-08:00

Image via WikipediaThe goddesses are handing this week over to the baby Jesus, for, as I like to tell my children this time of year, there is no ME in baby Jesus. And, as my younger daughter--initials MEF--reminds me in turn, "Yeah, well there is in ME."

Merry Christmas, everyone.

2010-12-21T16:47:00.000-08:00

Late to the party, as usual, I am only now getting around to doing something suggested I do last week: ask you all for a good deed.

Jess told me about Matthew, who is dying, whose brother has already died, who is eleven years old. He has a rare neurological disease called Leigh's disease. My daughter, as you might know, has her own neurological condition, epilepsy. So my heart is in my throat. Here's what I want you to know: this is hard for this boy, but think for a minute about how hard it is for his parents. Know this: it's harder than what you imagined.

Matthew, like several other children with terminal diseases before him, would love it if you sent him a Christmas card.

Here's his address.

Matthew Mickelson Butman

PO Box 1865

Wylie, TX, 75089

And here is more about his story.

Count your blessings, people. Count them. (And don't blame him for that last name. It's not his fault.)

Holiday Eating Tips

2010-12-20T10:05:00.000-08:00

Image via WikipediaOk. We're in the thick of things now, people. I'm talking cookies, fudge, cake, egg nog, candy, all your basic sugar-fat holiday death bombs are yours for the taking.

The question is: How can you strategize your gorging? How can you make the most of the many eating opportunities presented to you?

It's all about two little words: shelf life. Exactly what is your window of opportunity for eating things before they get either stale or just plain disgusting? The shorter the window, the sooner you want to attack.

Look at that alcohol-drenched fruitcake from Aunt Winona. That puppy is as pickled as a cucumber. You can hold on to that until Easter. It'll still be good. The trifle from your pal Maisy? The homemade cake from cousin Doug? Double-fist spoons right now. Those things might not make it until lunch. Homemade cookies and fudge? Good news! They taste just as good frozen! So you can parcel them out at your plumping leisure.

Once you've considered shelf life, half the battle to protect your bulge is over, but there is still the greatest danger of all to watch out for: family members. There are two kinds of families: the kind who will eat your special most beloved short-shelf-life apple pie that you have set aside just for yourself to enjoy with a cup of tea at a magical moment of quiet, and those who will leave it alone. If you live with the later, well fa-la-la happy Christmas miracle to you. If you live with the former, either eat fast or disguise your pie by covering it in foil smeared with gravy or marked "broccoli casserole." Cunning must be your friend, otherwise you'll die thin and bitter.

Christmas is the time of miracles, people! Believing that nibbling on small quantities all day long negates their calories since they aren't actually meals makes it so! Also, definitely avoid Grinchy-articles like this. They are clearly part of the anti-Christmas conspiracy. Boo! Hiss!

Goddess of the Week: the Vila

2010-12-16T15:39:00.000-08:00

Image via WikipediaJess wants one goddess for luck, one for fitness, and one for advancing one's career and oneself. Well, Jess, I'm giving you a whole parcel of goddesses. In fact, I'm giving an army of fierce warrior goddesses. I'm giving you the Vila. The Vila are Polish nymphs, and--remember--nymphs are minor goddesses.

Believed to be the spirits of frivolous women who couldn't get their acts together in this life, the Vila travel between earth and the heavens spreading mischief and good deeds; it all depends upon how you approach them and how they're feeling.

The Vila are shape shifters. They can be trees, birds, wolves, you name it. It's this shape shifting thing that I want you to focus on, Jess. The great thing about shape shifters is that they always possess the resources they need to reach their goals, whether those goals have to do with getting in shape or succeeding professionally. And--being fierce warrior goddesses--they can also kick butt if someone tells them that their inner resources are lame. Their inner resources are NOT lame. Their inner resources can transform them from trees into wolves in, like, five seconds. So, want you really want to do, Jess, is channel some Vila so that you can sort-of shape shift when you need to and as you need to. That way you've got your luck, you've got your fitness; you've got your career stuff. Basically, you've got it all! So how can you lose?

Channel the Vila: When you are moving out of your comfort zone, when you are trying to accomplish many different things; when you would like to shape shift into a tree, which is really how I'm hoping I come back in my next life. But remember, approach the Vila carefully. They can be pretty bad-ass, and you don't want some shape shifter messing with you mojo. All, I'm saying is use a little respect, people. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Need a goddess: I've got oodles and oodles of goddesses! They are just waiting for you. Post a comment detailing your need. I'll see what I can do.

My Lucky Week

2010-12-10T12:31:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia1. Younger daughter turns 13. (Cha-Ching!)

2. Tweak my back.

3. Starter dies. (Cha-Ching!)

4. Obsess over lost dog that I found and took to humane society.

5. Flat tire. (Discover I need all new tires. Cha-Ching!)

6. Husband out of town.

7. Back still tweaked.

But that's ok because...

I signed with a literary agent. (To read the first chapter of my novel The Goddess Lounge go here.) Wish me luck as we try and find it a publisher in January.

Good must always be balanced by bad. That's the universe, baby.