Good news! Spring shoes are all the rage. And this year the most popular styles come with important life lessons. (They're just like Hallmark movies!)
1. You deserve to be in pain. You deserve to have your heels lifted high above your toes so that the weight of your adult frame rests on the roughly 4 x 2 inch span of the balls of your feet. You also deserve to have your feet wrapped up in what looks like either straight-jackets or a fishing nets, thus emphasizing that you submit to your insanity, as proven by the fact that you spent close to three hundred dollars on these shoes.
You deserve to be in this discomfort even when wearing shoes that look they are designed for exercise, but are clearly only designed for someone who is very confused about what exercise entails.
You deserve to have your toes squeezed like anchovy paste and to throw your lot in with elves.
Acceptance of these rights may piss you off, in which case, you have the right to put spikes on your pointy-pain shoes and impale unsuspecting pedestrians.
You can reject these rights, in which case you have to wear these.
I went to a literary festival in downtown LA Saturday. It was full of hipsters and their kids--which I am calling kipsters, and which I am advising you to do as well. You can identify kipsters by their tell-tale pork-pie hat wearing fathers, who may also possess oversized sideburns, and by their very large and aggressive looking strollers (all silver and black off-road vehicle-looking wheels).
My friend Desiree Zamorano read from her book Human Cargo at the festival. I made a video but I can't upload it, so you'll have to take my word for it.
Here she is holding her novel The Amado Women, which comes out in May. I'm very excited for her! And for you! Because, of course, her book is wonderful and you will want to read it.
You've heard of food trucks? There was a book truck! I want one of my very own.
Then on Sunday I went to something called TomatoMania.
It was literally a mania of heirloom tomato plants. My husband overheard a woman looking at one variety of plant. She said to her friend, "It's the last one." Then, realizing the significance of what she was saying, she and the friend stepped in closer, creating a barrier against any lusty man or woman ready to pull the little seedling out of her hands. Ah! The rough and tumble world of tomato lovers.
Still feeling so indecisive about that thing? Hmm...I better take another look at the cards so that we can figure out where we are.
The fool card represents your past, and it represents not a lack of wisdom but a state confusion and indecision. Sometimes, it can mean you will be embarking on a journey (real or metaphorical). I think in this case we both know that we are talking about a metaphorical one. This is a major arcana card so, you know, that explains why this theme has been so persistent for you.
For your present we have the Seven of Pentacles. Pentacles usually mean career or money--but again, I encourage you to think metaphorically. The Seven of Pentacles is all about waiting for those investments to grow and bubble up like yeast, which, given time, they will.
And then there is your future: The Two of Wands. See how the wands are crossed? Literally, you are at a crossroads; you must make a decision about that thing.
Wow! This is a really focused set of cards. That thing must really be gnawing at you. But here's the key: the Seven of Pentacles. Have you let that investment rise? Have you been patient? Or have you treated that thing more like a pancake than a loaf of bread. Don't get me wrong! I am not opposed to pancakes, but you know, in this case, it's all about putting in the time. Am I right? Of course I'm right! So, you know, that settles it. The direction is clear, right?
I haven't seen you for a while. My bad. It's end of the quarter time again and I've been crazy busy. Let me show you what crazy busy looks like around here:
It looks like compostables filling up my freezer. And Thin Mints. Have you got your Girl Scout cookies yet?
And papers to grade
And this chair (and another one just like it) and a little table. I am sanding them down with a power sander. Then I am going to paint them Tardis blue. I know! You didn't know I could do that, did you? That's ok! I didn't know it either! When they are done, I will put them:
Here. I freaking made this little patio by myself! (I did have help with the heavy lifting.) Previously, it was just dirt and the camellias in the back. I purchased and planted all the new plants. I flattened down the dirt to and put down the gravel and the rocks. The tiles and the pavers (which you can see below were all things I recycled. Bad news though, two of my plants are dying. They are getting too much sun.
See the Buddha in the back? Hmmm. I'm not sure if you can, but it is there, and it means: Don't freaking mess with me! I am in my peaceful place!
I also have my lettuce going on. It's actually a bit past its prime. If you want some, I have plenty, but it is a bit tough and a little bitter.
And then there are more papers. More paper are also on the way. Alas, not a single one is yet graded.
I promised Valentine's curses for people who broke your hearts, but you, of course, are way to zen-like and forgiving to want such petty satisfaction. That's the difference between you and me. You move through life's rapids like they are the calmest of waters. Your hair is always perfect, and you are all about acceptance and moving on. I, on the other hand, shriek and cry out at the smallest of waves and then just collapse, moaning, in a fetal position in the sand and hope that someone will bring me pudding and a spoon.
I get it. You are a better person than I. You are also better than Petrea (I'm sorry Petrea; it's a hard truth, but you must face it.) Petrea is petty like me, and she wanted a curse for her payroll company. This is for you, Petrea:
Curse for Inept Payroll Company
Get as good as you give.
Wait, on hold.
A little bit longer.
A little bit longer.
A little bit longer.
Please try that number again.
You are also better than Ann Erdman (Alas, Ann, you must face that truth too!) who wants a curse for silly vocabulary, #talklikeajock. This is for you, Ann:
Curse for Say Nothingers
Sort of like, wow, you know, shut up!
Dream nightmares of IKEA.
Realize you wrote the instructions for that way cool dining table with 1057 parts.
Like, good luck with that.
I know the curses are late. Sorry about that. Busy.
It was my birthday yesterday. I got flan at La Monarca. You may recall that I have strong feelings about flan, but this flan was delicious. My sweet Elizabeth also went and saw Philomena. It's the only Academy Award best picture nominee I've seen this year. I liked it a lot, but talk about your bad nuns! I'm curious what you think of that, Barbara.
As for the photo, I wish it came out better. It was this gorgeous try just starting to blossom. I saw it while walking on Friday. It immediately reminded me of your zen-like essence.
Hope all is well. Have decided to offer FREE Valentine's Day curse Haikus. Post a comment saying who you want me to curse and give me a few details--although no names are needed. As for me, I have the best husband ever, so, you know, it's all good over here.
Rois has applied for a job as a breast-feeding consultant and she needs a goddess who will help her seal the deal. She needs Rumina, the Roman goddess of breastfeeding.
All we know about Rumina is that she helped breastfeeding mothers and that people left offerings of milk in her temple. Her temple was near the river where the twins who founded Rome, Romulus and Remus, washed ashore. They baby boys were later found by a wolf who nursed and raised them in the shelter of Rumina's temple. Given this history, maybe it won't surprise you to learn that wolves are a big deal in Rome.
Back in the day, I spent a semester in Italy. When toasting, people used to say, "Nella bocca del lupo." It literally means, "In the mouth of the wolf," which more figuratively means something like, "May you get want you desire, just like the wolf gets his prey." Isn't that the best toast ever! It's so shockingly graphic and aggressive! But it does speak to a larger truth: The things we want the most often take the most work, and like the wolf, we must be patient, alert, and persistent.
So, Rois, I'm giving you both the goddess AND the wolf. May they both bring you the success you deserve.
Channel this goddess: When breastfeeding, when learning to breastfeed, when teaching new mamas to breastfeed, when nurturing artistic pursuits. Need a goddess? I got goddesses! Post a comment saying what you need or want a goddess for and then check back in a week or two and see what you got. It's fun! It's free! No lactation skill required!
Dog: Eight teeth removed. ($$$$$) Fourteen year old Car: Something I don't even remember ($$$$$) Eighteen year old daughter: Hospitalized for severe medication side effects ($$$ + $$$$$$$ for new meds, meals in cafeteria, driving all over the place, etc + as many sad faces as you can imagine.) Sixteen year old: age appropriate (yet exhausting) selfishness and surliness ($$$$). Where does the money go? It's spent on everything that we stupidly believe might convince her that just because she does not have disabilities or hospital stays, she is still loved. New credit cards due to identity theft. (Imagine a whole bunch of little clock faces here and annoyed emoticons, although no actual $$). Fourteen year old car being dropped off today for scary burning smell. (How many dollar signs? More than there should be, I'm sure.)
I like to think of this blog as a virtual sort of spa day or night out with friends. We relax, we laugh, and we get a little perspective from the goddesses and wise women who've come before us. So exhale, slip off your shoes, and turn off the phone. It's time to Begin Again.
Buy The Goddess Lounge ebook for only $2.99 and the paperback for only $9.99. What an amazing deal!
A story of love, motherhood, a lot of dogs, tons of traffic, a few modern-day monsters, and a little divine intervention.