All the News that's Fit to print

"In a bid to save millions of dollars in annual costs, The New York Times plans to eliminate several weekly sections, with other parts of the newspaper absorbing some of the content, Bill Keller, the executive editor, said on Thursday."

In a separate bid to save millions of dollars, Keller announced that the New York Times will henceforth be known as "The Carls Jr. Times." In keeping with the synergy of this exciting branding opportunity, Keller added that starting May 10, the paper will be the subject of an exciting new reality program on the CW network. Hosted by popular Carls Jr. Spokesman/hottie/food channel personality Padme Lakshmi, this program will focus on ten cub reporters who must fight to death to keep their jobs. "Think 'Gladiator' meets 'The Office' meets 'Dancing with the Stars,'" explained Keller. Titled "Fit to Print," the program will feature reporters in aerobic/modeling competitions that show how important fitness(hotness) is to writing news that is fit to print. In addition, reporters will have the opportunity to mud wrestle with today's top news personalities, including Octomom and Kim il Jong.
In other cost saving moves, Keller notes that the style section will be combined with the "Carl's Jr. Food section," which has the noble mission of taking the stigma out of obesity. Travel writers will be replaced with monkeys and international news will be replaced with pictures of kittens.


altadenahiker said...

I heard they were just going to recycle the last 20 years of news, since less than half the subscribers ever read the paper anyway. (When polled, most people admitted they subscribed for the cache of the blue bag laying in the driveway.)

Margaret said...

AH: Yes. Keller confirmed that recycling news was not only an effective cost saving measure, but also a worthy green goal.

Anonymous said...

For what its worth,one of my friends sister was/is an American Gladiator. She now sells real estate in Sunland.

Susan C said...

Kristof just quipped on Twitter that the NY Times is cutting costs by cutting all adjectives.

"replacing international news with kittens" LOL Ya' gotta' give the people what they want.

Cafe Pasadena said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cafe Pasadena said...

Now that's what they must mean by Creative Writing, at least in NY. Thank God 4 competition in the news bizness.

Luckily, KB was too self-respecting, proper & conservative for this, saw this could come @ de LAT so bailed out before she'd be made to wear a McD cap.

Their loss was our gain. She's fit to print here.

Desiree said...

Taking the stigma out of obesity.
Yay! Count me IN.
And waiter, another entree please.

Petrea said...

I'm working on a piece about orgasmic gardening. I think I can sell it to the Times.

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