Another Goddess of the Week: Pachamama

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Feeling sandwiched? Feeling squeezed like a cheap piece of meat between two slices of whole wheat because you're caring for both children and parents? Then welcome to the sandwich generation. Forty percent of women aged 35-54 admit to feeling totally stressed out by their exclusive membership in this club. Why? Because caregiving is hard and often thankless. Conservative estimates claim that twenty percent of caregivers of any type are depressed. When you are asked to give care to both your parents and your children, it's almost impossible not to end up a big fat emotional mess.

It's not the caregiving itself that is often the problem. If you've given care, you know that the act can be very rewarding. The problem is that when we give care -- especially sandwich generation care -- we often end up denying care to ourselves. We don't get enough sleep. We don't eat right. We stop exercising, meeting with friends, and doing the things we love because we simply can't find the time. But take if from someone who knows, when caregiving consumes you, you will explode, and it won't be pretty.

The goddess for caregivers is Pachamama. Pachamama is an Incan goddess who is still revered in parts of Chile and Northern Argentina. She is, literally, the earth we walk on, and she is the ultimate caregiver. She gives you her fertile dirt, her life-giving water, her shade, her sunshine, her cool, quiet nights. She is a good mama. She is a too good mama. Because people take advantage. They expect her to give, give, give and yet they offer nothing in return, just like spoiled children, just like most children. And you know what happens? Pachamama keeps it all inside. She's tries not to get all resentful and bitter. And then she explodes in an earthquake.

But Pachamama has learned that she needs to take care of herself first. She cannot care for anybody until she acknowledges that her needs are as legitimate and important as anyone else's. So she lunches with her gal pals. She walks the dog. And she doesn't do every goddamn little stupid thing herself. She gets help. In the places where she is still worshipped, every day people toast Pachamama and honor her by spilling a little chicha (a sort of hard cider made of corn) on the ground. She has a festival day the day before Ash Wednesday, and the whole month of August is seen by many as a time to pay her special tribute. The point is, she gives, but others give back because a happy Pachamama, a Pachamama who cares for herself and allows (demands) others to care for her in return, is a non-exploding Pachamama.

Channel this goddess: when your children are vomiting in your ear and your parents don't remember who they are. Or when you pay the bills by nurturing the health and well-being of others. Or when you've made a nice healthy dinner and no one even says thank you. Or when you keep finding socks on the floor -- really, is it that hard to put them in the hamper? Or when you are so busy doing other people's shit that you don't even have time to feel yourself breathe.

Silknparachute: This one's for you.

Need a goddess: I'm on double duty trying to get you what you need. Just tell my your beef or your blessing and I'll see who is available.