10/22/10

Emergency Goddess

Marble head of a woman, probably Hygieia, foun...Image via Wikipedia
Jess needs an emergency goddess and just can't wait until next week. She's got two little babes and her husband landed in the emergency room the other night. She specifically would like a goddess for stomach ailments. This is a repeat from June, but it should do the trick, Jess.

Goddess wise, when it comes to god health I think you really want to stack the deck, in which case, the more goddesses the better. I've got a bevy of goddesses for you. In fact, I've got five sisters who will totally have you covered.

The sisters are the daughters of Asclepius, the Greek god of medicine -- and they may just be what America needs to solve all its health care conflicts.

There's preventive measures goddess, Hygieia, who is all about washing hands. There's big phrama goddess, Panacea, the goddess of cures. Then you have your big gun illnesses goddesses, Iaso, goddess of recuperation and Aceso, goddess of recovery. These are the ones you want in your corner when Paxil and antibacterial lotion let you down. Last of all, you have Aglaea, goddess of natural beauty, who takes care of all your elective plastic surgery needs.

In a traditional medical setting, seeing these ladies -- literal goddesses in their fields -- would cost you thousands and thousands of dollars, and you'd never even get your parking validated. But with the new goddess system, all you need to do is drop a drachma at the temple and maybe sacrifice a goat every once in a while and you'll have all you need to live a healthy, vigorous life.

Don't believe me? Just ask the people of ancient Athens. They'll tell you that it took only three years for the goddesses to wipe out the terrible plague of 430-427 BC. I know people who've had to wait that long to see the dermatologist! Plus they didn't have to use one of the pesky blood pressure cups that always make me so nervous just thinking about them that my blood pressure shoots through the roof. In fact, even writing that made a little dizzy so I think I better stop now.

Channel these goddesses: in times of swine flu, bird flu, moose flu, and other assorted aches and pains. It's better than leeches.
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16 comments:

Jess said...

Thanks! He stopped vomiting blood (or anything else) and I've been able to keep food in him for 24 hours. I give him the evil eye any times he tries to leave the bed and I've somehow managed to get the 3 year old to cooperate with my plans of "let daddy rest" and the 9 month old is so clingy on me that she doesn't even notice that daddy's not there. I'll make good use of those goddesses- I need them all! ;)

Jean Spitzer said...

You are wonderful. These chicks--what a crew to have on your side.

wv: undali

You didn't dali when a friend needed comfort.

Daisy said...

Hope hubby is better soon Jess. I'll sacrifice a goat or two for you. Til then, just sending a hug and some healing thoughts.

Deb said...

Best wishes to Jess as she summons these goddesses to get her through this tough time.

Great take on these gals, Margaret! Have a great weekend.

pasadenapio said...

I love the idea of sister goddesses! They've no doubt made themselves to home in our long-awaited urgent care center at 3160 E. Del Mar Blvd, which is now open for business. It's a partnership of the City of Pasadena, Huntington Medical Foundation and Community Health Alliance of Pasaddena (CHAP).

Joanne said...

Will these goddesses work the same as a flu shot?

altadenahiker said...

Thank heavens you've opened a goddess emergency clinic. Of course, you realize that means you're on call 24/7.

(I guess we all wonder, how do you know this stuff? You're way beyond Bullfinch.)

Pasadena Adjacent said...

I am looking into the benefits of the goddess Kaiser over the Goddess Blue Cross, who has once again raised my rates (and denied me the services of Arcadia Methodist).

I hope things look up for you Jess

Petrea said...

Jess, you've got a whopping lot to deal with but this is a whopping load of goddesses and they ought to help.

Margaret, your emergency clinic beats all.

Shell Sherree said...

Here's to these goddesses doing the trick for poor Jess's husband. Wonderful, Margaret!

... daisy... said...

A healthy Goddess! I hope Jess' husband will get better soon!!!

HalfCrazy said...

Hey there!

I like your writing and all these goddesses! I like to believe that gods and goddesses have their own superpowers. Even though they didn't exist, it's so cool how they were made up.

Your husband would get better soon, no doubt!

Cafe Observer said...

PA, if u tell them you're a Methodist how can they deny YOU?!

claire said...

:-))) Tell me, Margaret, who would be a good goddess for stress?

All of these goddesses, undoubtedly, right?

Thank you! What a treat!

Margaret said...

Jess: Still sending good thoughts.

PA: I turn often to the goddess Kaiser. Actually, I can only say good things about our experience with them, and we have many.

Half Crazy: Thanks for the visit!

HalfCrazy said...

About your comment in my blog, the moment I finished the first book, I was like, "IS THIS ALL? I WANT MORE!" It totally sucks that I can't buy the next book. I'm hoping to know more about Ms. Everdeen and possibly another hunger games.