12/20/10

Holiday Eating Tips

Marcella's fudgeImage via WikipediaOk. We're in the thick of things now, people. I'm talking cookies, fudge, cake, egg nog, candy, all your basic sugar-fat holiday death bombs are yours for the taking.

The question is: How can you strategize your gorging? How can you make the most of the many eating opportunities presented to you?

It's all about two little words: shelf life. Exactly what is your window of opportunity for eating things before they get either stale or just plain disgusting? The shorter the window, the sooner you want to attack.

Look at that alcohol-drenched fruitcake from Aunt Winona. That puppy is as pickled as a cucumber. You can hold on to that until Easter. It'll still be good. The trifle from your pal Maisy? The homemade cake from cousin Doug? Double-fist spoons right now. Those things might not make it until lunch. Homemade cookies and fudge? Good news! They taste just as good frozen! So you can parcel them out at your plumping leisure.

Once you've considered shelf life, half the battle to protect your bulge is over, but there is still the greatest danger of all to watch out for: family members. There are two kinds of families: the kind who will eat your special most beloved short-shelf-life apple pie that you have set aside just for yourself to enjoy with a cup of tea at a magical moment of quiet, and those who will leave it alone. If you live with the later, well fa-la-la happy Christmas miracle to you. If you live with the former, either eat fast or disguise your pie by covering it in foil smeared with gravy or marked "broccoli casserole." Cunning must be your friend, otherwise you'll die thin and bitter.

Christmas is the time of miracles, people! Believing that nibbling on small quantities all day long negates their calories since they aren't actually meals makes it so! Also, definitely avoid Grinchy-articles like this. They are clearly part of the anti-Christmas conspiracy. Boo! Hiss!
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16 comments:

... daisy... said...

Don't tell me about Christmas calories!!!!! :-D But who cares! As long as we're happy... :-D

altadenahiker said...

I love Christmastime, where nothing so mundane as an actual meal stands between me and my snacks.

Vanda said...

You're a wise woman. May I worship you?

claire said...

Snacking, my downfall! Agh!
Merry Christmas anyway!

Cafe Pasadena said...

My diet, well, my philosophy as well around this time is KISS: Eat, Drink, & be Merry Christmassy!

No worries, np!

TheChieftess said...

This is the essence of my own personal Christmas story!!! (I've been nibbling chocolate powdered sugar balls all day, carefully spaced apart so as to avoid any undue calorie accumulation!!!)

Olga said...

Broccoli casserole! Good one!
Have a Merry Christmas and enjoy the feasting.

Jean Spitzer said...

plumping leisure: a fine way of phrasing it

Daisy said...

I'm drooling just looking at the picture! MMMmmmmmm!

Cafe Pasadena said...

In honor of you, and this sweet post of yours, I went to Mignon Chocolate!

To Olde Towne even! In the cats & felines pouring rain!! I know - it was a sacrifice.

TheChieftess said...

No sacrifice at this time of year is too great, eh, Cafe???

Petrea said...

I don't want to die thin and bitter. I want to die thin and sweet. Does that mean I get to eat fudge this week?

Joanne said...

Wait a minute ... Let me clarify something. You say "nibbling on small quantities all day long negates their calories since they aren't actually meals" What? I served up fudge and Christmas cookies for dinner last night!

Not really, but I easily could have :)

Susan Campisi said...

These are excellent tips. Tomorrow I'm going to dine on chocolate - all day long.

Star said...

To poke fun at myself, with Margaret's marvelous goddess-themed posts in mind, here I am as one of Paris's three choices...I haven't decided, yet, which one I'd prefer to be. Any suggestions? Thanks, Margaret, for this chance to share with your readers, it makes my day: http://mymilanitaly.blogspot.com/2010/08/here-my-are.html

Bec said...

My 3 year old daughter has already learned that if she wants a sweet she's set aside for later, she better tell everyone in the family "don't eat that!" or else we will. Probably while she's napping. And lie about it later. I've had a sugar headache for about 4 days but it's worth it :) Merry Christmas, Margaret!