You know she's my favorite goddess, right? She's totally misunderstood. Everybody's all, "Oh, Venus, she's so slutty, what with always cheating on her husband." Or, "Oh, Venus, she's so vapid, what with rising up on a clamshell and playing with her hair."
Total lies. Well, not the slutty part, but she never fiddled with her hair, and the clamshell business was all product placement by the clam lobby.
Here's what people don't tell you: She rose from that "clamshell" because she predates all the Olympians and the Greeks had to find a way to incorporate her into their stories. She's totally ancient, ancient, ancient. And yet she rocked her toga. Also, despite her own many misadventures in love, she never gave up on it, and she always tried to spread the wealth.
Just ask Hippomenes. Hippomenes loved a beauty named Atalanta. Alas, Atalanta had vowed to only marry the man who could beat her in a foot race, and if you lost the foot race, you had to die. Many men challenged Atalanta. Many men died. But Hippomenes asked Venus for help. Venus gave him three apples. When the raise began, Hippomenes dropped an apple every time Atalanta started to pull ahead, and, each time, she stopped to pick it up. This gave Hippomenes the edge, and that allowed Hippomenes to win. Better yet, because of Venus, Atalanta loved him in return. So it was a happy ending*
In honor of love triumphing over death, I give you Venus's Apple (the cocktail).
Barely wet the rim of a champagne flute and dip it in superfine sugar. Add equal parts Crown Royal, Apple Pucker, and Cranberry Juice. Mix with a sexy cocktail stirrer. Drop in two conversation hearts. Toast love and all things pink. Enjoy!**
Need a goddess: I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining what you need or want a goddess to help you with. I'll do the rest.
(*Full Disclosure: Unfortunately, Hippomenes and Atalanta forgot to thank Venus. So she compelled them to have sex in another goddess's temple fully knowing that that goddess would get mad and turn them into lions. To this day, Hippomenes and Atalanta have to pull that goddess around in a chariot.)
(**Fuller Disclosure: This cocktail is courtesy my good friend, Katherine, mixologist extraordinaire, although I did invent the name. What do you think? Is the name Venus's Apple zippy enough? Can we do better?)