1/15/13

The Scout Report

Although the new year is traditionally a time of assessing new opportunities, reports of "flu epidemics" have resulted in a "hunker down" mentality that is having serious market consequences.

On the upside, while the productivity of workers with bad colds has been decreased, opportunities for finding a warm spot on the couch are almost unlimited.

Likewise, said workers have been shown to possess a generous tendency to spill food, which always means increased opportunities for investors willing to hit the ground running.

On the downside, bosses seem to be in poor spirits due to the decreased productivity of the members of their team, and since poor spirits translate into late meals, half-hearted rubbies, and lackluster walkies, investors looking to increase their status in a volatile environment may do best to stay in the shadows.

As of yet, said "flu epidemic" has bypassed California, meaning that investors in other geographic regions may have it even worse. But since the CEO is making his way home from the east coast via  BOSTON, the flu headquarters of the nation, investors may find commodities the most promising market of all, which is why we are sending out a buy offer on Orange Juice, chicken soup, hand sanitizer and Advil.

16 comments:

Tony Van Helsing said...

Sorry, I only follow cat reports.

Olga said...

Times are tough, but I have it from a numerology report that this is going to be a much better financial year for me. Does Scout do numerology?

TheChieftess said...

If said investor invests in healthy alternative preventive concoctions...said investor is sure to "weather" the proverbial storm!!!

Margaret said...

Scout has a compliicated, data driven system that focuses on statistics. It is beyond me.

altadenahiker said...

I miss my banana plant. Now I don't know where to turn.

Cafe Pasadena said...

I thought you meant a girl Scout cookie report! :(

Desiree said...

Does Scout do hedge funds, too?

Petrea Burchard said...

Thank goodness for Scout. Without her I wouldn't know where to turn, now that Hiker's banana plant is gone.

Ms M said...

Scout sounds very observant, very wise. I'm sure she will be well-prepared to weather any storm that arrives from Boston :)

Kim Stcharles said...

Astute! No wonder Scout is in MENSA!

Deb @ Paper Turtle said...

What a smart little pup your Scout is! And cute too (love the photo!). Sorry to hear that you've all been under the weather, but glad to hear your trusty companion seems to have it all under control! ;o)

Bec said...

Got my first flu shot ever this year - hoping it bypasses our family!

Bec said...

Got my first flu shot ever this year - hoping it bypasses our family!

Bec said...

Got my first flu shot ever this year - hoping it bypasses our family!

Adele said...

This Scout is one very wise puppy. My money's on her!

Susan Campisi said...

I hate when I'm late for The Scout Report. She's so good at finding opportunities in an otherwise down market. Scout might feel otherwise (because of said opportunities), but I hope the CEO and the rest of the team escaped the flu.