Grateful for...my hubby

Image by jcoterhals via FlickrWe met in college, at a party. We were sitting on the lawn with a group of people, including my friend Margaret, who was the first person I ever knew who shared my name. (For clarity sake, she was known as Little Margaret and I was known as Big Margaret. Yeah. Not my favorite nickname, but, as I was told when I complained, it was better than "Large Marge.")

So, like I said, we were at this party, and Margaret said to this guy Steve, "Hey, you're wearing a Brooks Brothers shirt." Well, that was it, they went on for ten minutes about how much they loved Brooks Brothers.

I thought, "Oh my god. How geeky can you get?"

Little did I know...

PS: He may be married to me, but his heart still belongs to Brooks Brothers.

No Joy this time. Just Gratitude

Image by meganpru via Flickr

Well, friends, we were really scrapping the bottom of the barrel, and there was no joy, no joy at all. There were no secret boyfriends to spice up my happy. There were no delicious movies to sweeten my cocktail. There was only the willful determination to smile through the misery train.

We were in the hospital last week. Four days. The teenager was the patient. We were trying to see if she would be a good candidate for brain surgery, and that right there should tell you all you need to know about the state of things here. Alas, she is not a good candidate. So we move on to new meds, other things.

But I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about "keeping calm and carrying on," as the British say. How do you do it? How do you do it when every ounce is joy is sucked right out of you? How do you do it when EEG wires turn your daughter into Medusa so that a screen can show you -- in real time -- the Haitian earthquake that becomes her brain whenever she seizes?

You do two things:

One, you meditate on the fact that this dismal time is temporary. It will pass. It has passed. We are much better now, and the new meds are looking promising, so there you go.

Two, if the circumstances are such that you cannot cultivate your joy, you must look for some other worthy concept to cultivate. For me, it was gratitude. Do you know some people bring their very clean and well-trained dogs to visit hospital patients? Do you know some people bring their guitars? They'll just pop in your room and say, "Do you want a song?" If you say yes, they'll come and sing you a song or two. They don't know you. They just do it to be nice. Then, of course, there are the nurses. It is not hyperbole to call them angels of mercy. You might think it is, but it's not. They are the best people you will find anywhere in the world.

It is a humbling thing to realize that people you've never seen in your life want to help you, not because they pity you, but because they are good people. You should be so lucky to have been touched by the kindness of strangers.