Deb has been through a lot lately, including one very painful loss. She definitely needs a goddess. She might even need a beer. So I'm combining these needs and giving her the Sumerian goddess of beer: Ninkasi.I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: There was a goddess of beer? Yes! Yes, there was. One of the earliest pieces of writing EVER is a poem to Ninkasi. My ancient Sumerian is a bit rusty, but this is a rough translation:
Hymn to Ninkasi
From the land of sky blue waters,
Comes the beer refreshing.
Oh goddess,
Have you, perchance, a wedge of lime?
Why? Oh, why,
Do you fatten my thighs,
You of stars and moon and many carbs?
I will worship you with this:
Keg,
Bottle,
Can,
But never with a juice box,
for cardboard paired with tiny straws are anathema to your lips.
Surely, surely, worshipping you with a juice box
Would bring a plague upon my house for seven generations,
And rightly so.
And because Ninkasa,
Rhymes slightly-kind of-sort of with piñata,
I will also worship you on Cinco De Mayo,
And Superbowl Sunday,
And just football season in general,
And, in Germany, in the entire month of October.
And every college dormitory will be your temple,
Because that is what you demand,
And who am to argue with a goddess?
Need a goddess? I got goddesses! Post a comment explaining what you need or want a goddess for. Then check back in a week or two and see what you got! It's fun! It's free! It will not impair your driving.
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