Dear Carbs

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Dear Carbs:

Don't take this the wrong way. You're great. You are doughy and sweet and sometimes frothy and bubbly. Ummm. I love you. You make me nice and full and you always have a way of making me dream a little bigger. That's why this next part is so hard.

The thing is...I'm breaking up with you . It's not that I've fallen in love with another food group. For Godsake no! Don't listen to any of that gossip Mr. Protein is spreading. I could care less about protein. Protein. Pfff. What's protein but a big ol' slab of something chewy.

The thing is...we've just become co-dependent, and I see now that you're bring me down. We're just not right for each other. You are luscious and delicious. I am 44 and my waist is getting thicker. And it's not just that. If it was just about my waist it would be fine. What the hell do I care about my waist when there is chocolate cake to be had? Nothing! I love chocolate cake!

The real deal breaker, the real heartbreaker, is the kids. Yes. I'm doing this for the kids. You're a bad influence on them. Ok? I'm going to be tough now because that is the only way you will listen! You make them crave you and worship you and then you send them spiraling into sugar-induced lows, fits of grumpiness and distractedness. Don't you dare tell me the scientific research is inconclusive! I talked to the damn dietician! Ok! She said ixnay on the ugarsay! So there!

I can see you are not taking this well. I understand. Do you think it's easy for me? I'm going to give you some time to sleep on this, and then we'll talk later. When we've both calmed down.

In the meantime, I want you to meet my new best friend: Mr. Endive. He's not as sexy as you, I know, but he's good for me, damn it! Good for Me!

P.S. I will always love you.

Margaret

P.S.S Maybe we can do lunch sometime. When the kids are at school. Our little secret. Damn. I just can't quit you.