Wise Women Friday: Teresa of Avila on Personal Conduct

Words of wisdom from the Spanish nun, mystic, and writer (1515-1582):

Be gentle to all and stern with yourself.

I do not know a lot about Teresa of Avila.  I know she wrote many beautiful prayers.  I know she committed her life to absolute poverty and served the poor and suffering in Spain.  I know that she was very wise, and that it is true that we should endeavor to be gentle to all and that we should be our best selves.  

But from my perspective, the problem isn't people not being stern with themselves.  In my little microcosm of the world, people are plenty stern with themselves.  They beat themselves up about their weight, about unavoidable obstacles that keep them from reaching fantasy ideals of success, about paying too much for groceries or hair cuts or anything, or about cleaning enough or cooking enough or working enough or saving enough or exercising enough or relaxing enough or even forgiving themselves enough.  

What most people need -- at least the people I see -- is to be more gentle with themselves.  At the very least, we need to treat ourselves with as much kindness and compassion as we would our friends and loved ones.  But so many of us have little Dick Cheney's stuck in our heads.  And those mean Cheney's lie in weight, right behind our visual cortex, plotting and blaming and making us feel inadequate and lame and nervous and worried.  

But the chances are, you are not so bad.  In fact, I will take a gamble and pronounce you good.  You try hard.  You do the best you can.  You think about other people, and you try not to make the world a worst place, and you have a lovely smile and a great laugh, and you deserve to cut yourself a little a slack.  So...cut yourself a little slack.  Make it a lot.  Be gentle to all, even yourself.