7/8/09

In the News: Man Finds Piece of Windshield stuck in his chin for 30 years.

Ford Cortina Mk II in profileImage via Wikipedia

-- The Daily Telegraph

I always knew there was something special about me. I just never knew it had anything to do with the three foot piece of glass sticking out of my chin. I thought it was more of Joan of Arc thing -- or even a Lindsey Lohan sort of thing. I felt certain that my destiny was one of greatness -- that a life of celebrity and genius would sneak up on me when I least expected it, sort of like the way I'm always surprised to see my reflection every time I look into the sun, or the way passersby just naturally give me a wide berth. I used to think it was my charismatic presence that opened spaces for me in crowded sidewalks. Turns out people just didn't want to get whacked by the large piece of glass in my chin.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: How could a person not notice a windshield sticking out of his chin for thirty years? All I can say is that I thought it was one of those benign cysts people get. A little unseemly, yes, a little crocodilian perhaps, but nothing out of the ordinary. My grandmother had a mole the size of an unshelled peanut right on her neck. People used to pay her fifty cents just to touch it. The glass in my chin didn't seem much different. Just sharper.

And the fact is, the glass did have its advantages. I haven't used a knife in decades. I've never been mugged. It's easy to find a seat on the subway, and on Tuesdays I only pay half price at the car wash.

Of course, there have been challenges too. It hasn't always been easy to find dates, and sometimes the Windex stings my eyes.

The real question isn't how I missed noticing the giant piece of windshield sticking out of my chin. The real question is: How will I define myself now that it is gone? How can I reconcile myself to a normal life? How can adjust to a lack of reflective vision and the regular use of utensils. But I guess that's the life of extraordinary people in a nutshell. One minute you're clearing sidewalks, and the next minute you're just stuck with a bleeding sore on your face. And isn't that a lesson that even a Lindsay Lohan can relate to?
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38 comments:

armyblond said...

WTF?!

That is the nuttiest thing I've heard all week! Perhaps year!

Vanda said...

Haha! I like your version better than the actual "story." Those Brits are easily entertained. Must have been a slow news day.

Margaret said...

ArmyBlond: Nutty yes, but TRUE! Sort of. Check on the link. Some guy in England got a shard windshield glass in his chin and it was stuck there -- unbeknownst to him -- for 3o years.

Vanda: It does seem like things like this always happen in England.

Kelley Calvert said...

I suppose flying through a windshield will do that to you...I'd be a little annoyed with the doctor that failed to notice the hunk of glass in my chin after the accident if I were him.

Margaret said...

Kelley: That is exactly right. How does this even happen?

altadenahiker said...

It was also great for opening letters and chopping vegetables.

(You clever girl, you.)

Lynne said...

These things always DO happen in England! Why do they get the glass chin story and we get Lindsey Lohan? At least we have Sarah Palin!

Margaret, this was so funny!

Cafe Pasadena said...

Yeah, but I don't think England has anything on India.

Laila Of Course! (and Banana) said...

Wow, Margaret, I loved your windshield version! :) The story is something I'm probably going to think about for a long time afterwards.
I really love reading your blog, and decided to follow it. Would you do the same?

laila
www.randomweavings.blogspot.com

pasadenaadjacent said...

I'd have the windshield glass set in a plain platinum band then I'd try to pitch some deal with Ford. At least try to get a car out of it.

Juliette said...

I'm fairly certain this is the same fellow who had the pair of scissors stuck in his stomach for a decade. Or maybe not, I'm not much of a fact-checker. ;)

Susan C said...

Good laugh, Margaret

Lynne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Miss Havisham's Tea Party said...

Niice. I wrote a story once where a girl had dried hard garbanzo beans sewn into her forearms to keep her from resting them on the table at dinnertime. Manners training by Hannibal Lecter, sort of. I like that you stepped into his skin, the Cortina crashers, that is.

Margaret said...

Juliette and Lynne: Really? Did those things happen?

Juliette. said...

Margaret-- haha, the scissors part is true, but it was with a woman. Here's a link. :)

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4788266/

Margaret said...

Juliette: That poor woman! I bet she could have died.

Margaret said...

Juliette: Also, I checked out your charming blog. I tried to leave a comment, but your blog wouldn't let me. Just so you know.

Juliette. said...

I know, can you imagine! You'd think she would've noticed it right away, but people are like that, I s'pose.

Aw, thanks, that's sweet. The settings have been changed, just in case you should ever mosey over there again. :)

Lynne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lynne said...

Okay, I just looked on the internet and the tree in the lungs was a fir tree and it happened in Russia. The man inhale a seed and it grew in his lungs. There was also a follow up article, though, that said it was a hoax. The guy faked it. Why would you fake that???

pasadenapio said...

I hate that. I had a six-inch rusty spike stuck in my left eyeball for 30 years and didn't realize until I tried to read your post and the spike kept blocking my line of vision.

Cobwebs and moss and all kinds of ineresting guck had been hanging from it all that time, and nobody said a word. So much for friends...

Juliette. said...

Lynne-- who knows? Maybe so people would continue to talk about it...a fir tree legacy. :)

People are crazy..he must've known it'd get "found out." Now I'm just wondering if the doctors were in on it too...

Shell Sherree said...

Hahahahaha! Beautiful, Margaret!

You'd think he'd have been tipped off by the constant stream of backpackers with buckets and squeegees offering to clean his face for a small donation.

The Reverend said...

hahaha, lmao! I laughed out loud when I pictured your grandmothers mole :) Great writing style, I look forward to reading more of your posts!

The Reverend said...

hahaha, lmao! I laughed out loud when I pictured your grandmothers mole :) Great writing style, I look forward to reading more of your posts!

Petrea said...

I have a piece of asphalt in my cheek. True story. It's been there more than thirty years. But I knew it the whole time.

Margaret said...

Petrea and PPIO: How you two must suffer, and so silently.

Alison said...

LOL! Leave it to a man to go 30 years without investigating what he figured was "a harmless cyst."

p.s. I love your last paragraph! Indeed, how will he define himself now that it's gone?! But does a man like this care about defining himself? LOL! I almost fell off my chair laughing reading your post. Good job!

Margaret said...

Thanks, Alison.

Petrea said...

PIO, you crack me up.

Petrea said...

But Margaret, I really do have a piece of asphalt. It's very small.

Margaret said...

Ok, Petrea: In for a penny, in for a pound. Why do you have asphalt in your cheek?

Petrea said...

I really wasn't trying to make you ask, but of course it looks that way, doesn't it? I was just trying to make you believe. I'll show it to you next time I see you. I fell out of the car when I was a kid. It looks like I have a little mole.

It's a real case for seat belts, though.

Christina Trejo ~ The Tupperware Lady said...

OMG LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love it!!!!!!!

Jane Pauline said...

You're kidding right?

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