6/23/11

Dust Bunny Rebellion


When the Dust Bunnies took over the hallway, I was, admittedly, concerned. It's always been an uneasy truce between us. They know it. I know it. They resent what they see as my imperialist policies. I resent how they identify themselves as indigenous to the land, and, therefore, somehow worthy of the hard-won frontier that I call my living room.

I fight them back with all the technology I can muster, and, as soon as I'm done, they start marshaling their forces. Quietly, unobtrusively, they take over the corners, the spaces behind doors, the breezeways, until, all of the sudden, I realize they have the dog--cursed as she is with short legs--by the throat.

Then the truce is broken once more. I get out Mr. Hoover, and, with all the shock and awe I have at my disposal, I suck the living daylights out of them.

But the tables have turned, my friends. As is so often the case, their David has bested my Goliath. I'm talking about my Vacuum cleaner. I shoved that puppy right under my daughter's bed, and what do you think happened? With a broken, beaten moan, it expelled a burning metalic smell, and then it died.

I looked around me. The dog stood outside the room, too afraid to even lick my foot. As for the children, well, the children barely blinked an eye. Ah, the innocence of youth. Little do they know: One day it will be their dog. One day it will be their Vacuum cleaner. You can build a better vacuum, but the dust bunnies always win, my friend. In the end, the dust bunnies always win.

R.I.P. My Kenmore Power-Mate . You did your best, and that's all anyone can do.

11 comments:

Daisy said...

Evil Dustbunnies!! ):-(
RIP Ms Hoover. You did your best.

Petrea Burchard said...

What was under the daughter's bed, I wonder?

Perhaps Scout can write a poem for the eulogy.

Joanne said...

You can't revive it with a new belt? Resuscitate it and give those dust bunnies a run for their money?

Alas, my condolences ...

Cafe Pasadena said...

I think, when you realize the Dust Bunny & you are one, you will begin to see the light.

Therefore, it will be at that moment you will feel the burden of the dust bunnies lift. You'll be free to go on with your life, teaching the world to write and sing in perfect harmony.

A Win:Win situation.

Susan Campisi said...

I could vacuum three times a day and still there would be dust bunnies. Seems it's a losing battle.

Country Girl said...

We have 3 dogs adding their contributions to our dust bunny population! I pull out the trusty dust devil vacuum to fight the battles here! The battle is ongoing!

claire said...

Ah, you had me mesmerized, transfixed by your story. This is the nicest story I have read in a long time. And I can so much relate!
Thank you.

Olga said...

Vacuum cleaners have clearly lost the war. My mother had exactly two vacuum cleaners her whole life (and she died at the age of 93). I have gone through more vacuums than I can count and the current model is singing its swan song. I'm thinking about buying a leaf blower and bringing it inside.

Pasadena Adjacent said...

I know that metallic smell. Horror of horrors... funny story

GingerGirl said...

This had me nodding my head in agreement. My Bissell gave up the ghost recently, and I just bought a new vacuum this past Friday (and then proceeded to vacuum for two days straight!).

TheChieftess said...

I've found that dust bunnies are not as prevalent in a home with carpet...it simply sticks to the carpet so it's more evenly spread around...