Ode to Tomatoes (With apologies to Pablo Neruda)
I'll share with you my story,
I'll share with you my wine,
But slip off with my homegrown tomato,
And I'll tie you up with vine.
Here, have another piece of cake!
Here, have something else that I might bake,
But, I swear, get any closer to my homegrown tomato,
And I'm going rip your head off and show it at your wake.
I would love you to take this gently used book,
I would love you to remember this heartfelt look,
But, I'm serious, that is my fricking tomato, and you are getting way too close.
Don't make me tear off your arms or hang you on a meat hook.
I'm glad that we can have to this time to wander and be free,
I'm glad that we can have this time to focus on you and me,
But--OK--now you're just pissing me off. You're trying to take my tomato on purpose.
Put it back. PUT IT BACK!
Oh my flipping God, You ate my tomato.
Rot-in tomato hell.