Goddess of the Week: Abeguwo

Waterfall (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

According to The Chieftess, the nearly drained Horseshoe Lake needs a goddess.  Let's give it Abeguwo, the goddess of rain from New Guinea.

So sad. The MAN has obscured the stories of many ancient goddesses, and Abeguwo is no exception. Here is what we know--there is no delicate way to say this--rain is Abeguwo's pee. Luckily, like many a middle-aged woman, Abeguwo has to pee a lot, but she moves around even more than she pees so not every place gets the rain it needs.

What we need to do is get Abeguwo to settle down right over Horseshoe Lake and pee to her heart's content. How do we do that? I'm no expert, but here is what I used to do whenever my kids had to pee in a cup:

1. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate the pee-er
2. Sit the pee-er on potty.  I'm sorry. It's not pretty, but it must be done.
3. Turn on the faucet, but just enough so that it makes a tinkling sound.
4. Say, "Relax. Think of a waterfall."
5. Later, tighten you vocal chords and say, "We're not leaving until you pee in the goddamn cup so just pee in the damn cup already!"
6. Later still, "We are not doing this at home. It's just pee. There is no reason to hoard it like gold."
7. Even later yet, "Hooray! I told you you could do it. Wait! In the cup! IN THE CUP!!!"

Chieftess: we are counting on you to perform this difficult rain dance. Good luck, and keep us posted!