10/19/12

Goddess of the Week: Abeguwo

Waterfall
Waterfall (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
According to The Chieftess, the nearly drained Horseshoe Lake needs a goddess.  Let's give it Abeguwo, the goddess of rain from New Guinea.

So sad. The MAN has obscured the stories of many ancient goddesses, and Abeguwo is no exception. Here is what we know--there is no delicate way to say this--rain is Abeguwo's pee. Luckily, like many a middle-aged woman, Abeguwo has to pee a lot, but she moves around even more than she pees so not every place gets the rain it needs.

What we need to do is get Abeguwo to settle down right over Horseshoe Lake and pee to her heart's content. How do we do that? I'm no expert, but here is what I used to do whenever my kids had to pee in a cup:

1. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate the pee-er
2. Sit the pee-er on potty.  I'm sorry. It's not pretty, but it must be done.
3. Turn on the faucet, but just enough so that it makes a tinkling sound.
4. Say, "Relax. Think of a waterfall."
5. Later, tighten you vocal chords and say, "We're not leaving until you pee in the goddamn cup so just pee in the damn cup already!"
6. Later still, "We are not doing this at home. It's just pee. There is no reason to hoard it like gold."
7. Even later yet, "Hooray! I told you you could do it. Wait! In the cup! IN THE CUP!!!"

Chieftess: we are counting on you to perform this difficult rain dance. Good luck, and keep us posted!




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15 comments:

Jaime...My Love said...

So funny!

Desiree said...

Har!
Good luck, Chieftess!

Rois said...

Ok I live in very wet Portland,once upon a time I asked for a Goddess to bring back the sun can be just that bad.

But the visual in my head as I read this one was roll on the floor funny.I am going to hang on to that as we are approaching the gloom of winter.
It's not rain, it's Pee!

Shell Sherree said...

Now we know what the Chieftess will be busy doing this weekend. Please send Abeguwo over here when Horseshoe Lake is sorted.

TheChieftess said...

Haha!!! I will start rain dancing immediately!!! Rumor has it there's another storm coming in next week...a little rain, maybe even some snow again...

Ms M said...

Excellent! BTW, we need Abeguwo to waltz over here, too. It's been a hot, dry summer.
Chieftess, we're counting on you to do one hell of a rain dance! :-)

altadenahiker said...

And a watched pot never boils.

Margaret said...

Chieftess: We want pictures of your dance!

AH: Touche!

Petrea Burchard said...

This is hilarious, Margaret.

Let us know if you need any help, Chieftess. I'm not available to dance, but I'd love to be the photographer.

Susan Campisi said...

Abeguwo is definitely hanging out in Dena this weekend. I hope she's working her way over to Horseshoe Lake if she hasn't already. Keep dancing, Chieftess!

Adele said...

So funny! I think that just the writing of this post has helped our area, so once Chieftess starts dancing, there's no telling what will happen!

Ann Erdman said...

I'd like to see that rain dance!

TheChieftess said...

sorry folks..can't dance and hold a camera at the same time...there won't be any photos of the Abeguwo dance!!!

Pasadena Adjacent said...

this is why one should own a cat

TheChieftess said...

Can't own a cat...I do have 3 cats who currently wish to live here, but not with each other...