Goddess of the Week: Inana

Image by seriykotik1970 via Flickr

Raving Witch is getting total grief from her ex-boyfriend. The big jerk! She needs a kick-ass goddess that will help her claim her inner She-Ra.

Only one goddess will do when it comes to relationship problems: Inana. Inana was married to Dumuzi, and she was the total jefe Sumerian deity. She was fricking queen of heaven and earth, and everybody knew that she was not somebody to mess with -- everybody, that is, except her sister, Ereshkigal, who was fricking queen of the underworld.

One day, Inana decided she wanted to visit Ereshkigal down in the underworld. So she says to Dumuzi, "What do you think? Should I go? It's so far away, and you have to take, like, five freeways, and it's rush hour 24/7."

Dumuzi's all, "Go. Have fun. Bond. I'll watch everything up here."

So down Inana goes. But not only is traffic a bitch, but once she gets to the gates of hell she has to give up everything just to get through. She has to give up her cool outfit, her jewelry, her magical powers. By the time she gets to Ereshkigal she's butt naked and doesn't even have gas money.

To make things worse, Ereshkigal kills Inana and hangs her from a meat hook. (And you thought you had sister problems.)

Blah, blah, blah, details, details. Inana pulls a few strings and comes back to life, but the underworld is all about accounting and she can't just leave; no debits allowed. She can only go if she agrees to send another soul in her place. "Fine," she says. "I'll send you someone."

But who could she send? I mean it's not so easy to decide. She spends the entire journey worrying about it. Then, when she steps into the light of day, it's even harder because everywhere, everyone is mourning her. People, animals, plants are weeping, moaning, tearing their hair out because they are desolate. DESOLATE! And who is the most desolate? Who is the most heartbroken? Dumuzi, her beloved husband. Right?

WRONG! That doofus Dumuzi was totally living it up! He was sitting on Inana's throne wearing the awesome cool clothes Inana bought him, drinking the wine Inana invented, and totally flirting with those skanky handmaidens that peeled Inana's grapes.

BASTARD.

But at least Inana figured out who should take her place in hell.

Channel Inana: when the men in your life are acting like snakes. Get your Tough Girl on. Don't put up with their bullshit. You are the goddess. You will thrive. They will take five freeways to hell. And they'll figure out how to get there all by themselves. You don't even have to make them a map.

Need a goddess: I got goddesses! Post a comment about what you need. I'll see what I can do.