3/16/09

Goddess of the Week: Artemis

Happy news!  I personally have found a solution to our nation's current financial crisis.  Since bank credit is as dry as the Los Angeles River in August, we should get money moving by borrowing it from the gods.  In particular, people looking for new or refinanced mortgages should apply directly to Artemis.

Artemis was the Greek goddess of the hunt, but she was also a dependable lender who never gave employee bonuses.  Apparently, many Greek temples, including the Temple of Artemis in Lydia, once acted as de facto banks.  They would grant mortgages at ten to twelve percent interest, and, in a praiseworthy-effort of full disclosure, they would etch the legal contract right onto the temple walls.

Now, I'm willing to concede that the religious right might disapprove, but think about it.  Who has more integrity?  Countrywide?  Or a virginal goddess who turned peeping Toms into wild animals?  Who is more trustworthy?  Washington Mutual?  Or the goddess who looks over and protects baby lambs?  Why look to bailouts when we can look to Mount Olympus?

I think the choice is obvious.  When it comes to your mortgage, choose the goddess with the rock solid foundation.*  

*Note: Certain penalties may apply.  The goddess Artemis reserves the right to turn defaulters into rodents.  She also reserves the right to have said rodents torn to shreds by her fifty faithful hounds.  In lieu of having defaulters torn to shred by hounds, Artemis may choose to have her fifty fleet-footed nymphs slaughter defaulters via a shower of arrows.  Artemis also reserves the right to feed defaulters to any-and-all wild animals, including but not limited to lions, bears, hyenas, tigers, shrew, raccoons, lemurs and snakes. 


17 comments:

Desiree said...

This is priceless! I particularly enjoy the disclaimer. Talk about your truth in lending practices!
Where do I go to make a withdrawal?

Lynne said...

I just love Goddess of the week! I wish I had a weekly calendar or book with them all! Something for you to consider???

And, the advice is timely. We are currently refinancing to pay for private college tuition. I will give the Artemis option some thought.

altadenahiker said...

Well done Maggie! (Does Artenis accept email?)

Margaret said...

AH: Only if it's accompanied by the appropriate sacrifice.

JCK said...

Artemis is a wee bit intimidating...

Petrea said...

Ar ar Artemis! I admire Artemis for her truth in rending policy. If only we could reverse it and turn her hounds on the rodents who haven't so straightforward as she is.

altadenahiker said...

Maybe I'd get the loan if I spelled his name correctly. Cheever wrote a story called Artemis the Honest Well Digger.

Margaret said...

AH: Was it related to the goddess in anyway?

Linda Dove said...

I liked the LA river reference! I would add that even in the driest months, it now runs at a minimal 5-inch depth--from the treated sewage. Which is also an apt metaphor for your post....

Margaret said...

Linda: Yes, of course, you were just writing about the LA River. I forgot about that. And, sadly, you are right. The metaphor still applies.

Cafe Observer said...

Yes, the choice is obvious. But, you said nutting bout your virginal goddess needing a K9 needing a protector as she goes on her "offers you can't refuse" visits.

Margaret said...

Now pup, you weren't paying attention. She has 50 hounds that she takes with her everywhere.

Palm Axis said...

Looks to me as if a pack of disgruntled rats returned the favor by gnawing on A's temple. The dogs must have been asleep.

dionysius

Margaret said...

PA: Would that we all look so good in 2000 years.

altadenahiker said...

Shoot, now I got the sex wrong. I'll never get that loan.

Better just duck my head and mallimp out of this post.

Cafe Observer said...

Oh...50??
Well, my 1st language is Bark and, besides, I usually just look at the pictures.

J&D said...
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