8/24/09

Goddess of the Week: Isis

Ancient Egyptian goddess Isis, wife of Osiris....Image via Wikipedia

Tough love, smough love. A girl doesn't always want to have to be a hard ass. A girl doesn't always want to be "R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to me." Sometimes a girl wants tender love, sweet love, bring-me-flowers-and-show-me-you-love-me-by-offering-to-wash-my-dishes-and-buying-me-bling-love. And a girl wants to be understood and appreciated and admired. She wants someone to love her clever little jokes and get dizzy at the sight of her soul-penetrating gaze, sun-brightening smile, great-smelling hair and her ample hips. And is really too much to ask that that special someone also enjoy romantic comedies, shopping, Jane Austen, the Home and Garden Channel, Oprah, Norah Jones, bacon, butter, and cheese? Is it really too much, in fact, to simply want a soul mate?

Not if you're the Egyptian goddess Isis, who was the sister and lover of the god Osiris (we are not going to comment on the awkward incest references in ancient myths. Gods and goddesses have different taboos and genetic problems. We'll leave it at that.) Other gods and goddesses may have slept around, but Isis and Osiris truly were soul mates. They shared divine authority, each using his or her special gifts to bring civilization and knowledge to the people of ancient Egypt.

So far, so good. But this is a love story, so chaos must follow. Namely, the god of chaos, Seth, a jealous little prick who envied his brother Osiris and murdered him, threw him in a box and tossed him in the Nile. But Isis stood by her man. She searched and searched and did lots of magic and then she found him and she hid him and Seth found him and chopped into fourteen pieces and Isis put all the the pieces together but she couldn't find his penis so she made him one of clay and then Osiris came back to life and they had resurrection sex and Isis got pregnant but then Osiris had to go be lord of the underworld, but at least he wasn't dead, and everyone lived happily ever after. Except for Seth, who was vanquished by Isis and Osiris' son Horus and had to move downstairs to the underworld and carry Osiris on his shoulders for all eternity.

Which all goes to show: soul mates can be awesome (and there's no sex like resurrection sex), but soul mates can also be a lot of work. And you really have to ask yourself, might I be just as happy with a couple of dogs? If the answer is no, then definitely channel Isis, she'll help you find a good partner who'll probably even do your taxes for you because he'll recognize how valuable you and your time really are. If not, might I recommend this?

Daisy: this one's for you.

Need a goddess? Oh my goodness! You better let me know! I'll find you just the perfect one.

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19 comments:

Desiree said...

Golly, canary, and you think MY post's gruesome today? Great stuff, although I had to avert my gaze intermittently (just like when I watch Dexter)

Now I'm going to have to think very differently about Bob Dylan's ode to Isis-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7yBeiVPOaY&feature=related

Susan C said...

"There's no sex like resurrection sex" - that's hilarious.

I've started "dating" and it is absolutely exhausting. I need some help from Isis.

PaperTurtle said...

Oh, Margaret. I LOVE the way you tell a story. I came to your blog when you were "Blog of Note" and have been following ever since. Thought I'd finally leave a comment to let you know how much I appreciate what you do. It's always a fun read!!!

altadenahiker said...

When it comes to resurrection sex, I assume you're speaking from experience?

Margaret said...

Dez: I refuse to believe that Bob Dylan is Osiris, so what's up with that?

Susan: Channel her, my child, and good luck!

PaperTurtle: Thank so much for popping in and leaving a comment. I am so glad that you are enjoying the blog.

AH: When you are ready to worship me, I will tell you all about it.

Shell Sherree said...

Finally I understand where daytime soapies find their inspiration...

Thanks as always, Margaret! Such a hoot. And you even managed to support animal adoption in context - you're a marvel!

Amanda Phillips said...

Hey...so Isis owned the original copyrights on the replacement thingy ma jig.That explains all that wealth over there. Leave it to the genious of a woman :)I really love your blog it makes me smile everyday. Thank You so much.

Italo said...

Isis, I like the story.
Thank you for your posts!
PS: men like women dream? We exist ahahahahahah.

pasadenaadjacent said...

I've always loved the name Seth. If I had had a son I might have named him Seth.

You might want to pass it on to Osiris should he ever need replacement parts, I'm well set up here to attend to his needs.

Laila Of Course! said...

Oh this was a good post. I always found the story of Isis fascinating. Thank you for elaborating, yes please! :)

Be sure to pop by & leave a note!

-Laila
www.randomweavings.blogspot.com

Jean Spitzer said...

Yay! More romance, with a dash of gore. I smiled the whole way through.

Miss Havisham's Tea Party said...

Isis always scared me. Huh. Maybe that's the problem.

gaelikaa said...

You know, it's great to read someone who really does their research properly and like, knows their gods and goddesses, so to speak. Isis and Osiris always went together like Ram and Sita in India. And apart from the other stuff, what really cheesed me off about Dan Brown's otherwise good enough thriller featuring a rehashed medieval rumour, was the fact that he paired Isis off with the Egyptian god Amon and that was so, so wrong. If you're going to turn civilization as we know it on it's head, you might as well do it accurately or not at all. Amon, having been some minor tribal god of lesser importance, came to prominence in the middle years of the Egyptian civilization - his tribe dominated, so his priests took over. Osiris was a mythical pharaoh of ancient Egypt and Isis his sister and queen. The Egyptian pharaohs all married their sisters it seemed, as the succession was assured on marrying the previous pharaoh's daughter. Now they didn't know as much as we do about genetics, which is why royal houses were always dying out and being taken over. As far as I can see, there was more than a bit of prophesy in the resurrection myth....

Daisy said...

Loved the ending especially Margaret! ;-)

... daisy... said...

:-DDD this one is so GOOD! the first thing I did today after coming back from holiday is checking your blog! :)
THANK YOU! :-)))
Well I could surely be happy with a couple of dogs too, but I think I will keep on looking for my Osiris!!! :-D
... and I will be grateful for a "normal sex" no need for "resurrection sex" :-DDDDDD
You're great! :)

Margaret said...

Daisy: You keep looking for your Osiris. I have high hopes for you.

... daisy... said...

I will tell you as soon as I find him! :)

Kelly said...

Is 'Knocked Senseless' a true story of yours?

Margaret said...

Sorry, Kelly, I don't think I've written anything called "Knocked Senseless."