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Now you don't even have to post a comment to get the goddess you need. Just take the quiz! Go goddesses! Discover your inner goddess and find out who you need to channel more often. Have fun! Let me know who you got.
The Goddess You are
and the Goddess You Need to Be
1. You’re at the mall, and you see this awesome gold necklace. You want to buy it, but the price is way too high. You:
k Keep walking. It’s just a necklace.
+ Surely, your true love would want to spring for this!
n Go for it. You’ve got lots of credit cards.
[ Who wants a necklace? It’s happy hour at Sushi Loco!
2. Given a choice of roommates, you’d choose:
k Dogs. So low maintenance.
+ One true love. Sigh.
' That two-timing lover of yours. Nobody’s perfect.
3. This party is such a drag. The hostess has locked herself in the bathroom and all the guests are whining. You:
k Move on. Life is too short.
[ How can any party be a drag when you’re there? You are the party.
- Actually, you didn’t make it to the party because you couldn’t find a babysitter. But Antiques Roadshow is always fun!
m The hostess is a bitch anyway. Spit in her finger food and get out.
4. It’s midnight and the neighbor’s music is blaring. You think:
+ All music is mood music. Light the candles and make romance!
- I learned to sleep through noise three babies ago. Who cares?
[ Who’s home at midnight?
m A pox on their house. May they die a slow and gruesome death.
5. Not again! That two-timing lover of yours was seen sucking back chili fries with that floozy Hester Prynne. You:
' Will turn that Hester Prynne into a cow.
+ Move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
k Ha! This is exactly why you stuck with dogs.
m There will be blood tonight.
6. Ah! Another beautiful day in the garden. You’ve never felt:
k More at peace.
m More bored.
' More sure that that two-timing lover of your is out texting that floozy Hester Prynne.
- More invigorated by the day’s work ahead of you.
7. You’re still thinking about that necklace. You go back to the mall to buy it, but it’s been purchased by that floozy Hester Prynne!
' You wrestle that bitch to ground. She’s not taking this from you too!
k Set your dogs on her.
[ Laugh it off. Who cares?
n It’s a really nice necklace. Use your wiles. You’ll think of something.
8. You can always count on:
9. Promotion time at work. It’s come down to you and that bitch Hester Prynne. You:
n Buy the best suit money can buy. You’ll wow them with your fashion sense.
m “Accidentally” staple Hester’s lips to her cubicle wall.
k Fear not. Your competency is all you need.
[ Tell them the joke about Venus, Apollo and the sea urchin. It slays people every time.
10. You’re best friends with:
+ Hester Prynne
[ Whoever is ready for fun
n Your credit card
Meet Your Inner Goddess
If you got mostly k: Your inner goddess is the Greek goddess Artemis
Artemis is the goddess of the hunt. She never married. She is accompanied by a band of fleet-footed nymphs and a pack of fifty dogs. She really likes her dogs. She is independent and ever competent, just like you. Your take charge spirit and love for all things canine will ensure you always have meat in the freezer, but life isn’t all venison. You can let your hair down sometime. Mix it up. Have a cocktail. And don’t be afraid to let romance and laughter into your life. Try channeling a little Venus or Uzume to have the balance you need.
If you got mostly +: Your inner goddess is the Roman goddess Venus
Venus is the goddess of love and beauty. She had an unhappy marriage, but never let it get in the way of her love life. She believes that love will triumph and that romance is a sacrament. Like Venus, you’ll always make time for Hugh Grant movies and you’ll always have plans for Valentines Day, but, hey – Cinderella – you may need to work on fending for yourself. It’s the twenty-first century and you better not count on Prince Charming giving you the life you want. You need to make that yourself. Try channeling a little Artemis and, when necessary, Kali (but not if means going all Fatal Attraction).
If you got mostly n: Your inner goddess is the Norse goddess Freyja
Freyja is best known for sleeping with three dwarves in order to get a priceless golden necklace. It was a cool necklace, but exchanging sex for jewels caused her to lose the respect of her fellow deities, so it was sort of a hollow victory. Still, she was an early advocate of retail therapy, which is what makes her such a great gal to shop with. It’s great that your fashion sense never wavers and that all your friends envy your shoe collection, but hold on, pretty mama. Ask yourself: Can designer jeans really fill that whole in your heart? Can jewelry substitute for real relationships? Try channeling a little Venus and maybe even a little Pachamama. Mother yourself now so that you can retire in style later.
If you got mostly [: Your inner goddess is the Japanese goddess Uzume
When the sun goddess locked herself in a cave because she was pissed off by her pesky brother, chaos descended on earth and all the gods – except Uzume – went around moaning and shivering in the dark. Uzume danced. She danced so wildly and with such abandon that the other gods just started to laugh. That got the sun goddess to come out of her cave and all was well in the world. Uzume knows that laughter is the best medicine, and so do you. You are always fun to be with because you never take things too seriously and you’re always ready for a good time. But you don’t always have to be the joker in the deck. You have feelings too, you know. Good friends will love you in all of your moods. Try channeling a little Artemis, and don’t be afraid of your inner Kali. You don’t have to laugh off that bitch Hester. She’s done you wrong, sister!
If you got mostly ': Your inner goddess is the Greek goddess Hera
Hera is the goddess of marriage, and she’s married to the biggest two-timer in history: Zeus. That guy gets around more than Federal Express. Instead of kicking Zeus out of the house, Hera goes all psycho on his lovers, turning them into all manner of farm animals. It’s hard not appreciate her commitment to her relationship, and she is, indeed, long suffering. But own it. Nobody likes a scary jealous, crazy person. Have you even read Othello? You don’t want to go there. Try channeling Uzume and Artemis. And if you must have vengeance dial up Freyja and make Mr. Wrong pay through his credit cards.
If you got mostly -: Your inner goddess is South American goddess Pachamama
Pachamama is mother earth. She is a good mother, and she will take good care of you if just sacrifice a little of your wine before you drink it. (We are very trying children, after all and it’s cheaper than Paxil.) You, too, may be a mother, but no one says you had to be the fricking Giving Tree. You deserve a life too. Try channeling a little Artemis, Venus, and Kali. People can pick up their own damn socks sometimes, you know. They’re not invisible to everyone but you.
If you got mostly m: Your inner goddess is the Hindu goddess Kali
Kali is the goddess of destruction. She can get really mad and wears a necklace of severed heads. But don’t worry! She destroys in order to make way for the new and virtuous. Like Kali, you know when it’s time to close the book on certain chapters of your life so that you can move on and create something new. Neither of you is afraid of your anger, and that’s good because sometimes you need to speak justice to power, baby. Sometimes you’ve got to say what you think so you can leave the past behind. But if you’re wearing a metaphorical necklace of severed heads you may want to channel some Uzume. In other words, lighten up. Also try channeling Venus and Pachamama. Maybe what you really need is love.