Goddess of the Week: Harmonia

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The Chieftess's life is in chaos -- not a bad chaos, mind you, just a lot of changes all at once -- and she needs a goddess. Of course, she needs Harmonia, the Greek goddess of harmony.

Despite being the goddess of peaceful harmony, poor Harmonia knew all about living with chaos. She was the daughter of Aphrodite, the goddess of love, and Ares, the god of war, which was cool because they gave her the power to create marital harmony and military harmony. So she could make people fall in love and destroy nations in one fell swoop.

The problem was, Aphrodite wasn't actually married to Ares. She was married to Hephaistos, the god of metallurgy, and Hephaistos was totally passive aggressive. He got even with his wife by waiting until Harmonia's wedding day and then giving Harmonia a cursed necklace that would bring doom to her and all her descendants. Yeah. Total drag.

Eventually, Harmonia's husband was turned into a snake, and she was so bummed that the gods had to turn her into a snake too, just because they felt so sorry for her.

But lots of messed up people/snakes still rock at their jobs. Just because Harmonia lived in total chaos/slithered around on her belly doesn't mean she can't bring harmony to your life or to your plans for imperial conquest. In fact, her appreciation of the challenges of living in chaos is what makes her so sympathetic to your need.

Channel this goddess: When chaos looms, when all is in disarray and you need to organize your life or your pantry, when deciding whom to pass your cursed jewelry down to.

Need a goddess: I can help! Post a comment telling me your need and I'll see what I can find.

PS: Apparently, ladybugs are named after Harmonia! They're scientific name is Harmonia Quadripunctata. Who knew?

Goddess of the Week: Psyche

Jess, poor Jess, needs a goddess to help her deal with a nosy, difficult mother-in-law. I have the perfect one for you, Jess: the Greek goddess Psyche.

Psyche is one of the few women who actually married up to become a goddess. She was born a princess, and she was so beautiful that people began to compare her to the goddess of love, Aphrodite. Worst, yet, Psyche was stupid enough to let them. Now you can do a lot things in life, but letting yourself be compared to a god is just asking for trouble.

Aphrodite was so insulted that she sent her son Eros to humiliate Psyche. Here was the plan: Eros was supposed to shoot Psyche with a love arrow right when she was looking at the most disgusting, grodo guy imaginable. Psyche would fall in love with grodo, thus humiliating herself and setting the stage for all your basic Angelina Jolie/Billy Bob Thornton scenarios. BUT! Eros, shot himself with the arrow and fell hard for Psyche. He whisked her away, they had a wild secret relationship, and then, as happens, everything went to hell. Aphrodite found out, locked Eros in his bedroom, and set her sights on her rival.

She said to Psyche, "Go to hell." She meant it too. She actually pulled out a map and showed Psyche the way. "And when you get there," she added, "Bring me back some Eternal Beauty cold cream. It's my favorite. If you can do this, you can marry Eros."

Here's the rub: Mortals can only get to hell by dying. And the getting back part? Not so easy. Cuz your dead. Luckily for Psyche, Athena -- who really always hated Aphrodite -- told her how to get to and from hell without actually dying. So Psyche goes, gets the cold cream, brings it back, and Aphrodite was all, "Durn."

Aphrodite had no choice but to let Psyche marry Eros. Psyche became a goddess, moved to Mount Olympus, and lived mostly happily ever after. Family holidays were always a drag. Pyche never did work things out with her mother-in-law, and -- to the end -- Eros was a bit of a Mama's Boy. But that was cool because Psyche started a whole Cold Cream business and became, like, the Helena Rubenstein of Olympus.

The lesson here is that difficult mother-in-laws are as guaranteed as death and taxes. The smart woman listens to Athena and makes sound financial investments. With her profits, she takes her family to Hawaii for the holidays.

Channel this goddess: When your mother-in-law goes all psycho-bitch. Nobody needs this. Keep your cool. Do not go to hell and back to please her. It's not worth it.

Need a goddess: Post a comment and I will find you what you need. I look forward to your request.

Goddess of the Week: Brigid

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I would have gotten Pasadena PIO her goddess sooner, but things just keep popping up. My desk begs straightening. My dog demands a belly rub. I must watch Jonas Armstrong in Robin Hood. Oh, and did I mention the dust bunnies are now in active revolt?

But enough about me. Pasadena PIO needs a goddess to ward off procrastination. For her, I offer the Celtic goddess Brigid. Brigid was one fiery goddess. Really. She had a giant flame sticking out of her head. It connected her to the entire universe and is a powerful source of creative energy. When you need someone to light a fire under your butt, she's your gal. When you need a spark of energy, she's your go to goddess.

I'd really love to tell you more, but I'm almost positive I still have some Girl Scout cookies hiding in the freezer, and have you seen Jonas Armstrong? Do you see my problem?

Channel this goddess when trapped in the clutches of procrastination. Unless, of course, you suddenly realize you just can't live without a Sumac beer tankard. In which case, try this.

Need a goddess: I've got plenty! Post a comment telling my what you need and when I'm done watching Robin Hood I'll try and see what I can do. Probably.

The Princess Leia Diaries: The Lost Years, Dinner with the Akbars

Because I know you always wondered what Princess Leia was like during her teenage years. Check it out.

Hahamongna Watershed Park

Deists, among whom counted Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson, believed that God revealed Himself through nature. I believe this is true. In nature, our bodies quiet, our minds still, and if we wait and are patient, we can sometimes feel ourselves part of something bigger and more lasting than ourselves. In dark and difficult times, it is hopeful.

The Pasadena City Council votes Monday, July 12, whether to turn a last remaining bit of accessible wilderness -- Hahamongna Watershed Park -- into a soccer field. Soccer is big in this town, and there are not enough fields to play it. I know parents who have to choose between letting their ten year olds be on a soccer team that has to practice at nine o'clock at night or not play at all, this in a time when Americans are at risk for both obesity and not getting enough sleep. Which of these bad alternatives would you choose for your child?

Go! Build a soccer field. But don't built it in this fragile ecosystem that is home to coyotes, bobcats, frogs, ducks, swallows, snakes and other wildlife. Don't build it in this cathedral that provides a needed respite to urban and suburban sprawl. We are a species that needs to feel the earth, touch long grasses, and hear the wind feel its way through canopies of trees. That's just who we are. Through nature, we know the divine. So...let us know.

This post is part of Hahamongha blogger's day. Read more about this issue by visiting the participating bloggers:

Altadena Above It All http://www.altadenaaboveitall.com/

Altadena Hiker http://altadenahiker.blogspot.com
A Thinking Stomach http://athinkingstomach.blogspot.com
East of Allen http://eastofallen.blogspot.com
LA Creek Freak http://lacreekfreak.wordpress.com
Mendolonium http://www.mendolo.com
Mister Earl's Musings http://misterearlmusing.blogspot.com
My Life With Tommy http://www.mylifewithtommy.com
Pasadena Adjacent http://pasadenaadjacent.com
Pasadena Daily Photo http://pasadenadailyphoto.blogspot.com
Pasadena Latina http://pasadenalatina.blogspot.com
SaveHahamongna.org http://savehahamongna.org
Selvage http://www.lindadove.blogspot.com
The Sky Is Big In Pasadena http://theskyisbig.blogspot.com
Webster's Fine Stationers Web Log http:/www.webstersfs.blogspot.com
West Coast Grrlie Blather http://grrl.wordpress.com

Goddess of the Week: Nike

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Stacey needs an Energizer Bunny goddess. Of course, there's Shakti. She'll definitely give you energy, especially when illness or physical laments are conspiring against you, but if your lack of energy is more a case of misplaced mojo or general malaise, you need Nike, the Greek goddess of strength, speed and victory.

You might remember that the Titans were the Greek gods 1.0. Their leader, Kronos, kept eating his children so they wouldn't usurp him, in the way children do. Eventually, however, Kronos threw them all up and, annoyed that they'd be stuck in Krono's digestive track, they fought against him and his generation. It was very Summer of Love, very don't trust anyone over thirty, very be sure to wear some laurel in your hair. Except, of course, instead of a summer it was the dawn of time and instead of love there was blood-thirsty killing and fighting between the old gods and the new gods.

Chief among the new gods was Zeus, and when he rallied the young gods to throw the old gods out, the first goddess to jump to his aid was Nike. When the Titans set the monster Typhon loose on Mount Olympus, all the gods but Zeus and Nike just totally fled because they were so scared.

Besides her really cool wings, Nike had these awesome pom pons, and she waved them in the air and yelled, "We love Zeus. Oh, yes we do. We love Zeus. Hey, how 'bout you?" But the other gods were too scared to even answer back, so she tried, "Z-E-U-S! Around him we coalesce! Go Zeus! Go Zeus! He's your best friend! He's your best friend!"

Zeus was so fired up that he totally trounced Typhon and then all the other young gods came back and they were all, "Yeah, we totally knew you'd win, dude. We just wanted to show the Titans that you could do it yourself."

Well, those other gods may have been cowardish louts, but Nike was not. Nike shows that to find your mojo and your energy you sometimes need a cheerleader. You need someone to remind you how fabulous you are. You need someone to light the fire within you so that you can burn like the bright star that you are even when everyone around you is hiding in the dark. You need Nike. She often looks like a really good girl friend. Or your dog.

Channel this goddess when you need someone to wake you up to your inner potential and energy. Say: "Nike! Nike! She's a goddess! See her flying in her bodice! Go Nike! Go Nike! She's your best friend! She's your best friend."

Need a goddess: Post a comment saying what you need and I'll find you what you need.

Goddesses Interrupted

No goddess this week. Why? Because I have been at Surf Camp with the Girl Scouts. Some of you may ask: "How was Surf Camp."

Well, friends, three words: Tater Tot Casserole.

Like me, you may remember the day when Tater Tots were the "it" food. You may remember going to your friend's house and being served Tater Tots, and you may remember thinking: "Tater Tots! This kid is sooooo lucky."

If you have such memories, you would probably like Tater Tot Casserole, which is sort of like Shepherd's Pie, but with Tater Tots on top and also, for some reason, rice. If, however, you were born circa 1997, you may not see Tater Tots in such a soft golden light. You might not see Tater Tots in any light at all. You may really hate Tater Tots, and the thought of them topping a casserole -- which you also may hate -- may fill you with horror and revulsion, and, most importantly, you may feel it very important to share this horror and revulsion with your Girl Scout Leaders. You may feel compelled to do that, again and again again.

Like Tater Tots, you may also harbor soft golden fantasies about camping on a tent on the beach. You may think to yourself, "Ah, to be lulled to sleep by the melodic sound of waves. What joy!" True enough, being lulled asleep by the melodic sound of waves has its appeal, but less appealing is the fact that the beach is full of sand, and sand is like like your child's junk. It strives to spread its reach as far as possible, including into your tent, your pillow, your toothpaste.

This might be bearable if, at the end of the day, you could sit down and watch the sunset with a glass of wine. Alas, the Girl Scouts are very strict about this, there is no fricking wine. Ever. There is only whine, and there's lots of that.

You may say to yourself: "Why? Why condemn yourself to such a fate?"

Are you kidding me? My girls surfed for the first time in their lives, and I was there.

Goddess of the Week: Panacea et al

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Ann needs a goddess of good health, but it when it comes to health I think you really want to stack the deck, in which case, the more goddesses the better. I've got a bevy of goddesses for you, Ann. In fact, I've got five sisters who will totally have you covered.

The sisters are the daughters of Asclepius, the Greek god of medicine -- and they may just be what America needs to solve all its health care conflicts.

There's preventive measures goddess, Hygieia, who is all about washing hands. There's big phrama goddess, Panacea, the goddess of cures. Then you have your big gun illnesses goddesses, Iaso, goddess of recuperation and Aceso, goddess of recovery. These are the ones you want in your corner when Paxil and antibacterial lotion let you down. Last of all, you have Aglaea, goddess of natural beauty, who takes care of all your elective plastic surgery needs.

In a traditional medical setting, seeing these ladies -- literal goddesses in their fields -- would cost you thousands and thousands of dollars, and you'd never even get your parking validated. But with the new goddess system, all you need to do is drop a drachma at the temple and maybe sacrifice a goat every once in a while and you'll have all you need to live a healthy, vigorous life.

Don't believe me? Just ask the people of ancient Athens. They'll tell you that it took only three years for the goddesses to wipe out the terrible plague of 430-427 BC. I know people who've had to wait that long to see the dermatologist! Plus they didn't have to use one of the pesky blood pressure cups that always make me so nervous just thinking about them that my blood pressure shoots through the roof. In fact, even writing that made a little dizzy so I think I better stop now.

Channel these goddesses: in times of swine flu, bird flu, moose flu, and other assorted aches and pains. It's better than leeches.

Need a goddess: I got goddesses! Post a comment and I'll find what you need.

Goddess of the Week: Amaterasu

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I hope no one minds, but I'm going to break the queue and bring Rois right up to the top of the line. She needs Amaterasu, the Japanese sun goddess, because the rain in Oregon is wrecking havoc on their homestead. (Really, it's a homestead. Check it out.)

Clearly, Amaterasu's annoying brother Susano-Wo has been messing with the folks in Oregon. Talk about your sibling rivalry. He's been trying to prove he's more powerful than Amaterasu since the beginning of time.

Once, he made a bet with Amaterasu that he could produce more male gods than she could. So Amaterasu took her brother's sword, chewed it up, spit out the pieces and --wham -- out came these three goddesses. Then it was Susano-Wo's turn. He took these really cool fertility beads that Amaterasu tied up her hair with and smashed them with his teeth producing five itty bitty male gods.

"Ha! I win! I win. I am so totally awesome and you are so totally lame," he said.

"Dude," said Amaterasu. "You only won because you used MY beads. MY beads won, which means I am the one who won. So there."

Despite the stunning clarity of this logic, Susano-Wo was not convinced. He kept going on about how he won and then he got all crazy and flooded the irrigation ditches and the rice fields and -- just to be mean -- he skinned a pony and threw it into the sacred weaving hall. Well, you can imagine. It landed on one of Amaterasu's handmaidens, who totally freaked her out and died. Amaterasu was so stressed she went and hid in a cave, which wasn't so good for the peoples. That meant there was nothing to stop Susano-Wo, so it rained and rained, and all was dark, and all the evil gods came out and created chaos. It was worse than the pony.

Finally, the goddess Ame-No-Uzume danced this crazy dance that was so wild that all the other gods and goddesses started laughing, which lured Amaterasu out of her cave and made everything right. The rained stopped, the sun came out and Susano-Wo went to Oregon to see what he could do there.

So here's what you've got to do, Rois, you've got to find a way to make Amaterasu laugh. In the immortal words of Princess Leia, "It's your only hope." You can do it. I have total faith in you.

Channel this goddess: When the rain won't stop, when all is darkness, either literally or metaphorically. When you need to laugh.

Need a goddess: I got goddesses! Post a comment telling me what you need and I'll see what I can do.

Goddess of the Week: Thalia and Melpomene

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Good ol' Cafe Pasadena wonders if there is a goddess of drama. Actually, there are two: Thalia, the Greek muse of comedy and her sister Melpomene, the Greek muse of tragedy. You may know them better as the laughing and weeping masks they are sometimes represented as on old theatres or stage curtains.

I'm sort of cheating here because I know this is not the kind of drama Cafe Pasadena has in mind. Cafe Pasadena is talking about life drama, about the times when everything is a crisis and everyone around you -- including yourself -- is channeling Bette Davis or Elizabeth Taylor or Charleton Heston or anybody else who knows how to make themselves the center of every production. (I personally excel at this. Check it out.)

But it is real life drama, after all, that inspires art. What? You think some comedian just made up the idea of slipping on a banana peel? You think Shakespeare blindly invented Romeo and Juliet? Duh. Everybody knows it was based on Gwynth Paltrow.

Drama happens. You can sink in it or you can transform it into something cathartic, into something that makes you laugh or that makes you cry. This is why art comes next to air, water, food, shelter and basic security among the necessities of life. Art sustains life. Ancient cave dwellers knew it. They didn't draw those buffaloes because they were bored; they drew them because they had no choice. Just like we have no choice. You may not think you're an artist, but you are. It's in your DNA. Every time you thread a needle, make dessert, plant a garden, put together a scrapbook, or do the hundred other things you do that express who you are you channel a muse. Dare I say it: you step into the shoes of a goddess.

Channel these goddesses: when feeling creative, when you've got the need to burst into song, when you feel like you're living a Lifetime movie. Guess what? You are. You just haven't written it yet.

Need a goddess: I got goddesses and the queue is empty so now is the time to claim one. Post a comment telling me the kind of goddess you'd like to hang around with and I'll see what I can do.