Goddess of the Week: Kali

This Hindu goddess of death and destruction is often represented as blue and with many arms.  

Poor Kali is a bit misunderstood, as, perhaps, any goddess with her particular skill set might be.  She is the goddess of death and destruction, but more metaphorically than literally.  What she kills isn't man (or woman), but the ego.  And as for destruction, she symbolizes the natural passings (physical, philosophical, emotional) that come with change and time.

Personal attributes: loyal and compassionate to followers, but you don't want to mess with her.  She doesn't politely swallow her rage.  She acts on it.  And how.

Channel this goddess: When passive aggression just doesn't cut it anymore and you need to speak your honest-to-goodness mind; when faced with the inevitability of loss; when confronted with worthless computer technicians who really have no idea at all why your DSL line won't work and keep passing the buck.  

Goddess of the Week: Artemis

In honor of the Olympics, this week's goddess is Artemis: Greek goddess of hunt.  

The twin of Ares, god of war, Artemis made two requests of her father when she was but a wee baby divinity.   Request number one: that she never be forced to marry.  Request number two: that she be granted her own fifty fleet-footed wood nymphs and a pack of hound dogs. Generous father that he was, Zeus granted his daughter's wishes and Artemis spent her days hunting in the forest and swimming naked in crystal clear springs with her devoted nymphs, which leads one to wonder what else was going on with those nymphs.  

Personal attributes: independent, athletic and no nonsense, but could be a bit cold-hearted, especially toward male mortals who accidentally found her swimming with her nymphs.

Channel this goddess when: you are going for the gold or, alternately, just plain sick of men. 

Quote of the day

From the June 21st issue of The Economist:  "The thin, the focused and the neat are freaks -- but they are cut out for success."

Heaven help us.  How terrifying is that?

Goddess of the Week: Demeter

Demeter is the Greek goddess of agriculture and fertility. She loved her daughter Persephone more than life itself. Literally.

When Hades kidnapped Persephone in order to maker her his wife, all the other gods -- including Zeus, Demeter's brother -- just shrugged their shoulders and refused to do anything. So Demeter upped the ante. She began to let all the plants of the world die, which meant that all life would ultimately starve. The gods could be fickle and cavalier, but they didn't want the whole world to die, so they made a deal: Persephone would stay with Hades in the underworld for three months of the year (one month for each seed of the underworld fruit that she ate while in Hades) and for the rest of the year she would stay with her mother.

Personal attributes: Maternal and loving, but don't mess with this mama.

Channel this goddess when: You can't remember why you wanted kids in the first place or when you're cultivating a green thumb (remember: there are lots of way to mother)

When childcare feels like war

Whenever one of my children gets sick I think of war movies in which combat is depicted as long stretches of mind numbing boredom broken by sudden, brief moments of adrenaline pumping panic and terror.

Caring for a sick child is just like that actually: Lots of bored waiting wrapped in underlining anxiety spliced with intermittent chaos. Stomach viruses are especially bad. Your child is laying still and quiet, watching the same Disney movie for the fifteenth time, and then, suddenly -- wham -- a frantic race to the toilet.

My ten year old is sick right now. Nothing too bad, but we're stuck at home, bored, waiting for something to happen. The poor dog is desperate for attention and exercise, and so is my twelve year old. She's running around screaming like a dying hyena. This is pleasurable for her, and I suppose it burns some energy, but I think I'd rather listen to the hyena.

Among the ideas that sound good at the time...

It sounded so good at the time. Teach the children responsibility and skills by giving them the opportunity to plan and make dinner.

Here is Mary's menu for tonight: garlic bread, apple yogurt salad, baked potatoes, dinner rolls, and, for dessert, ice cream and strawberries. Not bad for a ten year old. A little heavy on the starches, but Mary's ten, and we are trying to be encouraging over here.

Did I mention that the dinner rolls must be made from scratch, that we are probably using about one hundred dishes, spoons, forks, and knives, and that I'm about to pass out from exhaustion? That's the little glitch I didn't anticipate: that I would be so intricately involved in the making of the dinner. I'm the sous chef, actually: the cutter of apples, the cutting of garlic bread, the cutter of lemons and strawberries. I am also the oven master. Naturally, I'm these things: Mary's ten for godsake. We want dinner not a trip to the emergency room.

Oh, and did I mention that I am paying for the privilege to spend more time in the kitchen than I usually spend in three? Yes, you see -- stupid, stupid, stupid me -- I am paying the children five dollars to plan and make dinner. What was I thinking? What? What?

Tired, so tired. And just hoping to sneak a salad after everyone's gone to sleep.

Hillary Clinton as Hera

So, I'm sorry. I'm still thinking about Hillary. And here's what I've decided: Hillary was too much like Hera, the wife of Zeus.

As every sixth grader whose taken Ancient Civilization can tell you, Zeus was king of the gods and Hera was his wife. Now, a sixth grader will tell you that Zeus had a lot of girlfriends, but let's be honest, the man slept around like nobody's business. He left a string of swept away maiden's and half immortal children wherever he went. As you can imagine, this made Hera look bad. She was queen of gods, after all. Plus, she was the goddess of marriage and childbirth. He did no favors to her omnipotent powers and reputation by seducing every milkmaid in a toga, which is why, perhaps, Hera was incredibly jealous, bad tempered and went around turning all of Zeus' lovers into goats and such. No one really liked Hera. She had no sense of humor and she took things way too seriously. Goats? I mean, really, isn't that a bit much? Especially when most of the gods and goddesses had pretty liberal sexual ethics.

Any of this sound Clintonesque? People never got over seeing Hillary as Hera: Powerful, yes. Intelligent, hardworking, yes. Scorned, vengeful, jealous wife, yes. And who wants Hera for President? No one. She's no fun at all -- even if she can drink John McCain under the table.

Hillary's problem is that she got her goddess mojo all wrong. She needed to find a way to channel a different goddess. I'm thinking Athena. Everyone liked her. Men and women. Athena could be president. But Hera...not even on Mount Olympus.

Ice Cream Cake for the Dog Days of Summer

What better way to celebrate summer than to marry your dog to its best dog boyfriend?

Anyway, that's the plan my kids came up with. So tomorrow at four o'clock, our terrier-mix Scout (looks just like a German Shepherd puppy) will be marrying Mackie, a rust-colored German Shepherd/Golden Retriever. The service will be performed by our ten-year-old neighbor Kevin, who is also the ring bearer. My two daughters (ages ten and twelve) will give away the bride. To celebrate we will have a cake from The Barkery for the dogs and an ice cream cake for the humans. Mary (my ten year old) is making the human cake from scratch. Here's her recipe:

Ingredients:

Crust:
1 Cup crushed Oreos
1/4 Cup melted butter

Filling:
1/2 gallon chocolate ice cream
1/2 gallon chocolate chip ice cream
Fudge sauce
Whipped cream.

Combine the Oreos and butter and smush them into the bottom of a springform pan.

On top of the crust put the chocolate ice cream (let it soften to smooth it) then add the chocolate chip ice cream (let it soften to smooth it). Harden in freezer for about an hour.

Add the fudge sauce. Mary's making homemade, but you can use store bought. Harden in freezer ten to twelve hours.

When ready to serve, remove from freezer and remove outer part of springform pan. Top with whipped cream. Enjoy.